i like this girl in class...

i think she's attractive, and she has the ambition and confidence of mind to pursue a specific career path. both huge reasons to ask her out in my books.

but she hasn't given me any signals she likes me. and with our only interactions being in a class setting, there's not much chance for me to make a greater connection. the 2-3 times i did interact with her, i felt she was unreceptive, but this game is really annoying to me. i'd rather just polarize her for good by asking her out and then not think about this. added point of friction though: she's in a group with me for our class group project so if things go awry i still have to communicate with her.

although. thinking back, i did ask out another girl in another class i have this semester, and she had a boyfriend. we still sit next to each other in class, and meet up weekly to do homework. so this should be the same right? and if it's not, that's okay. i'll be alright. i'll still find a way to make do with this group project and make decent headway. just be honest with myself, be honest with her, and be respectful. things will be alright.

i plan to show up to our next class early and try to have a conversation, and leave with her too, tell her how i feel otw out.

 

there was also another girl who rejected me a whole year ago in my college club, but we were still able to hangout after in group settings. i'm sure she would've preferred not to have to deal with that, but i was a little crappy at being honest back then. i'm still not great at it now, but i've gotten better. i can do this. i will do this.

 

We had an exam, wanted to ask her out after to not add to the stress, and I’m a slow test taker, so she left before I finished my test.

Ended up asking her out over text because I didn’t want to allow myself to back out. She said no because she has way too much going on, nothing to do with me. -her words, not mine. I do believe them because of previous context.

We still sit next to each other in class, it’s chill. Think I might ask out another girl Thursday if I’m able to create an opportunity.

Really really sick right now though, I love sweaters and hoodies but I hate the cold. Ordered scarf, beanie, gloves today.

Swamped with homework because I overloaded this semester. Can’t wait till Thanksgiving break so I can get ahead and finally RELAX.

I’m horny, but I’m strong enough to manage it. Definitely will be asking out like one girl every week. Dropped my club activities to focus on school this semester, picked up one Thursday evenings but that’s it.

Considering cold approaches. I feel pretty strong in my ability to prevent relapses, but being sick makes it harder. No pun intended. Watched 2hrs of TV today (after no TV for what’s been probably 2+ weeks) after finally getting some medicine after days of allowing my cold to get worse, and I did have a strong impulse.

I’m so fucking mad I’m sick. I took some action in my life recently that made my path clear. Feel a lot more confident, but this fever is taking a shit on mu plans and my schedule. Everything takes 3x the effort and time to do. But I will get past this.