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Help! How do I tell my SO?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Fyepark021, Jun 13, 2018.

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  1. Jun 13, 2018 #1
    Fyepark021

    Fyepark021 New Fapstronaut

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    So I’m about two days into my no PM journey and I know that in order to be really successful this time I need to tell my SO about my addiction. I love my SO. But I’m scared to tell him. He knows about me M- I tell him when I M because I feel so awful about it. He tells me it’s okay because he knows that I’m “doing it to thoughts of him,” but the thing is most of the time it’s to P and I feel so terrible about it. I know I need to tell him, but there’s this gut wrenching fear inside of me that he’ll hate me, think lowly of me, not trust me anymore, etc. I brought up the other night that I wanted to talk to talk to him about something important, but didn’t bring myself up to talk about my P addiction. He assured me that nothing I could say would make him love me any less or think differently of me, but I’m not sure... I mean I’ve been addicted to P for about 8 years.

    How do I tell my SO? How do I even muster up the courage to do so? And what do I do after?
     
    Fyepark021, Jun 13, 2018
    Fyepark021, Jun 13, 2018
    #1
    Scott93 and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Jun 13, 2018 #2
    Deleted Account

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    Deleted Account, Jun 13, 2018
    Deleted Account, Jun 13, 2018
    #2
    Kenzi and Jennica like this.
  3. Jun 15, 2018 #3
    Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

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    Have you talked to your SO yet?
    How are you doing with your Reboot?
    And if you haven't... Have you tried breaking the ice by asking him how he feels about it? About porn?
    It seems like a very one sided conversation..
    Unusual for the woman to only talk about her habits and not inquire to his... I would suggest a mutual reboot... Personally.
    That's what me and my SO do.
    If he knows you are Ming, why is he not also telling you about his habits? (unless he is, then disregard - you just didn't mention)
    Anyways, I hope you are having a happy Friday!
    Kenzi
     
    Kenzi, Jun 15, 2018
    Kenzi, Jun 15, 2018
    #3
    Fyepark021, Queen_Of_Hearts_13, TryingHard2Change and 1 other person like this.
  4. Jun 15, 2018 #4
    Tiburon727

    Tiburon727 Fapstronaut

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    Your SO sounds so supportive and willing to listen. He also knows that you M. Even though you have not expressed it, I get a feeling he probably already knows you have looked at P. Not sure of too many people who would believe a person does M and has never done P.

    Not sure if you told him yet. But one thing that helped my coversation with my SO is telling them how long I have struggled with it, that I was working on recovery, that I was wanting to change, and how much I cared for them and looking at P is more about the addiction than the feelings I had for them.

    It is amazing how good you will feel after the secret is out. The burden will never go away unless you share it. Plus you will have a ally that will change this battle and bring so much strength to recovering from this addiction.

    If not already, hope you do it and it goes well. It is so worth it.
     
    Tiburon727, Jun 15, 2018
    Tiburon727, Jun 15, 2018
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    Fyepark021 likes this.
  5. Jun 17, 2018 #5
    Fyepark021

    Fyepark021 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi! I haven’t told my SO yet... but the other night I was really close to. I think my heart is just telling me that it’s ready to tell, but my brain is all filled with worry and doubt. My partner also M occasionally, but not as much as me. I brought up the discussion of porn one time and his response was, “Porn is for those who are missing something in their lives. I have everything I need with you.” Which makes me feel even worse knowing that I have a P and M problem. I love and trust my SO. I’m just having a hard time getting past my mental doubts.
     
    Fyepark021, Jun 17, 2018
    Fyepark021, Jun 17, 2018
    #5
  6. Jun 17, 2018 #6
    Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

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    As someone who used to both, even at times more than my addict husband.... He used to say such things also.
    He even said we should quit so we wouldn't masturbate at all and only orgasm with each other...
    We had porn boundaries at one point and everything.

    Sometimes, when we are hiding things, unless everything becomes transparent and absolute honesty is given and asked for, you have no idea what is truly on the other side.

    I hope you have a good day.
     
    Kenzi, Jun 17, 2018
    Kenzi, Jun 17, 2018
    #6
  7. Jun 17, 2018 #7
    Fyepark021

    Fyepark021 New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much! That was just what I needed to hear! It feels like a really heavy burden keeping it all to myself so hearing how it helped you makes me feel a little more confident.
     
    Fyepark021, Jun 17, 2018
    Fyepark021, Jun 17, 2018
    #7

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