Gay Men's Group

In the gay community EVERYTHING is hypersexualized. When you go to the bathroom if there is a guy in there your brain will picture performing fellatio on him in the stall (even if you arent that attracted to him) all because of pornography. Anonymous sex is GLORIFIED to the 9th degree. Literally if you were to tell a gay man that you have decided to stop watching P and trying to find true love in a committed relationship they would most likely make front of you and assume you had a bad sexual experience. Monogamous relationships arent glorified everything centers around the idolatry of men and sex being the Pinnacle of life for the reason your world spins round and round. I have been trying to find gay men practicing nofap and semen retention on youtube and google and you cant find ANYTHING! This forum is the closest I can find. I find it soo frustrating like how are there MILLIONS of straight men talking about their experiences and their successes on nofap and semen retention but NOT ONE gay man talking about it? How come the ones that I do find the guy was doing good but eventually he relapsed and fell back into the pit that got him there in the first place? I can find millions of sites of straight men talking about how its been years since they have watched P and they are finally free and happy. I think because nofap is literally contradictory to the gay community and everything it stands for. Quitting porn was cause you to gain sexual discipline to CONTROL your sexual desires and see men as people and not objects. I believe that is why you cannot find men talking about it on youtube or the internet in general. I know I cannot be the only man who has tried to find information on this.

 

I agree with all of this. There is something about the gay community that links sexual expression with positivity. And when you try to control said sexual expression, then you are ashamed of yourself or somehow repressed.

I have been addicted to sex, PMO for at least 18 years. Sex is the currency for gay men, in particular (I can only comment on my experience). Try telling your gay friends you are abstaining from sex. They’ll look at your like you grew four heads. In my opinion, it’s normalizing addiction. It’s giving people to treat others like tissue paper, to be discarded after they blow their load.

I know my thoughts are divisive, and there are many nuanced shades to the matter, but I know so many gay men who are suffering from sexual addiction, comorbid intimacy issues, depression, substance use... and they don’t even know it! They pursue pornographic fantasies at the expense of discovering another living, human being right in front of them! It’s sad.

 

I really get off on Literotica stuffmy visualization is a n full force fantasy images in mind . Literal porn textual porn is probably better to visualize what's written instead of watching something

 

wow wow wow! Thank you for saying that. Seriously thank you! Since I have been on my NoFap journey this is my 56th day of no PMO for me I have been reading and watching videos of men recovering from porn addiction from having PIED (like myself). The first three weeks I would listen to videos when I was down and discourage and it would pump me up and get me motivated as I moved a little further on in the process I started to notice that all the men I was reading and listening to were STRAIGHT Men! Now at first it wasn’t that bad cause I was like “they have the same addiction that I do so it’s all the same thing”. But I Noticed that a lot of those men (especially the ones in long term relationships/marriages) have been vocal about practicing semen retention even with their spouses and gfs which I found to be annoying. They talked about practicing karezza (having sex without O) I knew this would not fly in the gay community.

I then started to try to find videos and/ Stories/forums for gay men who were porn PMO free enjoying sex with someone and most hopefully someone in a relationship with someone they love (I’m in a monogamous relationship which this will b 6 years). But I noticed that I could not find ONE story/video or anything. The ones I did find where gay men were trying to do this they either relapsed and/or they just had the revelation of stopping PMO or MO and they are talking about how excited they are to embark on the journey. But none where they have been porn free for like 3/4/5 years at all. A lot of guys struggle to make it past two weeks. I had a discussion about it with my bf and I was explaining my frustration that I can’t find anyone who to model what my future will look after. My main model is that I will not watch PMO OR MO without my bf he will only give me pleasure. The fact that I couldn’t find anything has caused me to become a little obsessed for the last 4 days researching trying to find one gay person who may be the future me but nope I can’t find it. So I have come up with all of these conclusions and reasons why. When I think of the gay community it’s focused on sexual compulsivity/obsession to sex the hottest guy I mean hell any guy especially if he is hot and don’t let him be straight and into you. I tried to think of telling some gay guy “I’m not watching P anymore and I’m only MO with a person or my bf. I’m practicing semen retention/nofap for my life” they would look at me like I was crazy. They would ask “why are you doing that?” To them it sounds like suppression simply because I’m trying to gain control. It’s so crazy.

your response has confirmed that I wasn’t crazy. My bf was like “I think gay and straight culture sexualize everything”. Which I know is 100% true but not at the same time for the gay culture it’s totally different. So he made me feel like I was only thinking that from my opinion but clearly it’s not true because if it were I should be able to find success stories from actual gay men but the truth is I can’t. I cannot be the only guy heading in this direction I just can’t.

 

I am glad these words resonated with you. Look at it this way. Pornography was the primary venue through which most gay men under the age of 35 explored their sexuality. By the mid 90s, the DSL technology turned that slow trickle of sexual content to a fuller stream. In places and times in society where you may have been the only queer person (or at least, the only one you knew about), there was no other way to “exchange trading cards”. Straight men have the benefit of the locker room, gyms, or close friends to share and explore sexual ideas. Eventually, their fathers, brothers, or even mothers will explain to them the nature of sexual behaviour and attraction. They are shown how to form these relationships with the opposite sex and society and the media provides venues, however limited, to explore them openly, in approved settings of course.

Queer folks have the disadvantage of being in the category of society’s “undeseriable” category. This means that there aren’t many venues for them to explore or express their sexuality openly. This means that, in the case of gay men for example, they don’t necessarily have the social training or experience to know how to form and maintain intimate bonds with each other. Then, there’s the added complication of undoing the years of hard-wired internalized homophobia which prevents them from becoming their fully actualized selves.

Anyways, the sexual exploration is done in secret. Pornography is viewed as a health proxy for sexual contact and intimacy and forms as almost an educational media. You may not know any gays in real life, but here are two guys going at it and showing you how sex should be between men.

But we all know this isn’t how sex is in real life. Much like many women will tell you that porn catered to straight men isn’t at all near the sex they have or desire in real life. Porn is a superstimulus (hijacks our natural biological drive to fuck our brains out) and it is designed to remain novel and addictive. Let alone MO, which I think drains a man’s vitality/sexual energy, but that’s another story.

I am glad to hear someone else agrees with these thoughts. Congratulations on your 54 days and may you have many, many more days of freedom from this addiction. It has ruined my life for too long, and I can tell by how you write that you are on the path to a big change. Do not worry when you trip, as this is part of the journey too.

I went from running a very successful porn blog with tens of thousands of followers, fapping compulsively and leaving my long term relationship and sexual confidence in shambles.... to no longer using pornography, and no longer allowing it to have a tight grasp on my life. Focused my sexual energy at the gym and, four years later, I built a beautiful body, a cleaner soul, and a rasor-sharp mind.

OP, I would wager that, however engaged your sexual and creative faculties are when you read erotica, it is probably just as bad as “regular” porn because it encourages the same PMO behaviours.

Holy shit long post. Sorry I get riled up about this stuff.

 

your right it’s better to not watch things like porn. But honestly if you want to make progress and really beat this thing you have to avoid all sexual stimulation and what I’ve seen and read it can be different for everyone because people have different vices. The most important thing to pay attention to is how you feel. If you do it and get that dopamine rush from it then your brain is telling you your sexual stimulated even if you don’t actually get an erection. In your case it’s literotica. I discovered I was getting dopamine rushes when I went on Facebook about two weeks into no PMO. I tested it out for like 3 days and every time I got on it I was getting stimulated and sometimes I got an erection. But the main motto should be “if it sexually stimulates you artificially, it should be eliminated”.

 

Hello Guys,
I am Hanzel (23) and I have been trying to do this NoFap CHALLENGE, but I have been constantly failing at it. My friend got me up for this challenge around August and so far the best. Have done is control myself for 22 days. That was in September after that I have gone through various relapses. I am on a binge lapse period right now. I really wanna improve myself and leave porn for good, but I am having a lot of trouble doing this challenge. I have read a lot of guides about this and even about relapse. All those activities suggested like working out, meditating, working on hobbies, cold showers etc. I do all of that. But at the end of the day I can't stop myself from watching porn.I am an openly gay person but I have never been in a relationship. I am not into random hookups. I am just waiting for a perfect partner with whom I can connect with. But before that I would like to change myself and leave my addiction behind. Please help me and guide me how do approach this problem of mine.
Thank you for your time.