Flatline during hard mode

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by fizzy89, Mar 26, 2019.

  1. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    Day 44, hard mode.

    I would have never considered having a porn addiction but I have ED probably because of masturbating. I started hard mode since I met my new girlfriend 44 days ago.
    I have no problems abstaining from porn and masturbation. The problem: I don't really want to have sex...:/ loss of libido, I think this is described as "flatline".

    I had sex twice with her and it was okay, not rock hard, only semi.
    I have occasional morning wood but I feel it is getting better.
    Yesterday (day 43) I had my first wet dream.

    Are these common signs of improvement?
    Am I on the right track?

    My girlfriend knows about it and is VERY supportive, which is great. But it sucks so hard, when you are fresh in love but can't please her fully :( And it makes me feel really depressed and I even question if I really love her, which I am certain I do but when she touches you and nothing happens, you really wonder why... I find her very attractive and sexy, that confuses me even more.

    Is this flatline common and will it end? At the moment, I feel like it is putting a strain on me and the relationship :(

    I hope you guys can help me! :)

    EDIT: I am 29 years old
     
  2. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Why do you think that? What do you mean by it?

    Aren't you supposed to get used to real sex again? So trying with your gf should be a good thing?!
     
  3. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi Fizzy !

    Try to relax a bit. I understand this is stressful, but worrying about performance generally results in even poorer performance. It great that you have a supportive partner ! That will really help.

    Consider this: with PMO you learned to become stimulated by certain images and physical actions. If you are like many (some would say most ...) then the intensity of both the images and the physical actions had to increase to get you stimulated. Your body learned to "require" increasingly intense stimulation to perform. That level of stimulation is not normal and its certainly different that what happens with your partner. Your body and mind need to re-learn what is appropriate stimulation and get comfortable and accustomed to that level of intensity (it will work just fine and be even better than PMO could possibly ever be !) The "re-learning" period is why some say that 30 days or longer of hard mode is needed for a re-boot. Doing 30 days or more hard mode is certainly one way of rebooting but its likely not the only way. You may want to consider a somewhat modified approach: No P and no solo M. O only with your partner, preferably by PIV. (Check out the glossary for terms if you need clarification). Your re-learning and reboot may take a bit longer than if hard-mode, but it should work, especially since you have a supportive partner.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
    drkarim likes this.
  4. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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  5. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi 'Fizzy

    Keep going. You're doing great. And don't forget to thank your girlfriend for being supportive; having her as part of the healing will really help you both !


    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  6. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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  7. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi 'Fizzy

    Stay on course. You know how. You know why. You know how to be successful on this journey. Do it !

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  8. Lawendoski

    Lawendoski Fapstronaut

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    Hey fizzy89!
    It is time that you realize that everything happening around you is just the consequences and of course you love yoir girlfriend and mate you have absolute geniune feelings even i get those you should be thankfull to happen to be able to have sex!
     
  9. go4aRUN

    go4aRUN Fapstronaut

    Yes, that! You are in a so much better position to ditch the fake subsitute when you are able to have the real thing!

    Not now, but years ago, when I had borderline PIED, I was also lucky enough to have a patient, understanding and very horny GF! I was back to normal very quickly! And so will you be!

    Have faith, man! And don't let anxiety get the better of you!

    Peace.
     
  10. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Cheers guys!
    Here is a little update:

    About 2 weeks ago I was able to have sex 3 days in a row, on one occasion even twice within an hour :)

    However, all of a sudden it stopped working again and so my confidence and libido deteriorated rapidly.
    This whole week, nothing worked!! I am so frustrated... it hurts so much, you feel so weak :(

    2 weeks ago I thought I was healed and now this! :(
     
  11. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi 'Fizzy
    Our bodies and our minds are complicated things. Sometimes they just don't seem to be performing or behaving in ways to which we've come to expect.

    You've seen benefits, and your body worked well multiple times, so that should reassure you that you've made clear progress on healing. What does the current behavior mean ? It may be that you need further time to get further healed. Stay on track. You KNOW how to do this and you KNOW that it works. Its perfectly understandable to feel frustrated at what appears to be a setback, but I'd offer a different view: You've made tremendous progress so far ... it may not be perfect yet, but its certainly a LOT better than before. Continue your journey of healing and there will be additional gains and reasons to cheer ! In the meantime, relax a bit, especially when with your gf. Trying "too hard" can (and does) often mess with our minds and that in turn can lead to negatives in performance !

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  12. drkarim

    drkarim Fapstronaut

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    How does she beeing horny helped u?
     
  13. go4aRUN

    go4aRUN Fapstronaut

    Just knowing that she wanted me, knowing that her sex drive was as strong as mine and that, if I just relax, it will be amazing, which it was!

    Horny women is probably not the most helpful topic on this forum, so I will stop talking about her :)
     
  14. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    But you see, this is exactly what puts me under pressure! Knowing, that most likely I will not be able to please her... And I can see her disappointment :(
     
  15. go4aRUN

    go4aRUN Fapstronaut

    I think you just need to find a good woman.

    Trust me, there are girls out there who won't just show their disappointment, they will be harsh/horrible to you. I have been there. These are the same girls that can't handle anything other than praise and admiration coming their way.

    But there are also very supporting and understanding women out there. They will focus on the positive, not on the negative. And to be fair, as a man there is a lot you can do to a woman to please her without a boner. If you get with a good woman and stay way from PMO, you will be fine, trust me :)
     
  16. drkarim

    drkarim Fapstronaut

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    What exactly can be done to please her without a boner? Because i wa t to do it with mg current supportive gf?
     
  17. go4aRUN

    go4aRUN Fapstronaut

    If I answer your question properly, I would be posting triggering material that does not belong here.

    In terms of areas of the body that require attention, you know what it is for guys. More often than not a woman could make all of her man's dreams come true without going anywhere beyond his dick. For women it is their entrie bodies. Porn would have you believe that all they want is a good dicking. That could not be further way from the truth. And even when it comes to attention down there, there is a lot more you can use than your little friend.

    I am going to stop there.
     
  18. drkarim

    drkarim Fapstronaut

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    Okay got you
     
  19. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi 'Fizzy !

    In your post on March 26, your wrote that your gf was aware of your journey and very supportive. Now you feel she's disappointed in your troubles. There may be a certain amount of physical disappointment on her part, but I strongly suspect that the reason she may appear disappointed is that you may be showing your frustration about performance or lack of it. Frankly, she's likely just very concerned about you and your feelings - that is very likely given that you know she understand your journey and is very supportive.

    So ...

    I've suggested before that you relax a bit. Stop worrying about performance and worrying whether your gf will be satisfied with your performance. Instead of focusing on PIV and what will happen, try focusing instead on how fantastic it is to be with someone that really cares about you and is there to support you and to help you. You are very fortunate to have such a great gf. You really are BOTH on this journey. Take the trip together. If you are feeling frustrated, talk to her about it. Hold her and enjoy being together. This is a time for healing, not anything else. Focus on all that is good and great about being together; that is the foundation of intimacy. Strengthening your bonds is a core of healing.

    You ARE healing. It takes some time. It never goes as fast, or as smoothly as we'd all hope, but healing DOES happen.

    Stay the course. You'll be fine. Your gf will also be fine. Most importantly, you'll be fine together !

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
    go4aRUN likes this.
  20. go4aRUN

    go4aRUN Fapstronaut

    What bfdet said!
     

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