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Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by fizzy89, Mar 26, 2019.
Thanks guys, your support really helps!
I am really at a loss now...
No matter what I try, nothing works. More and more I think this is not about any kind of potential porn addiction at all. I just don't get aroused no matter what. It's not only in bed with my gf, it is everywhere. Watching a sex scene in a movie for example would usually get me excited or watching a hot girl on the streets. But now, nothing.
My gf is as wet as possible, lying in front of me with spread legs, craving for my cock and my dick just couldn't care less!
When we make out, I somehow get "bored" not excited. My head wants to have sex, because I love the feeling of cumming inside a pussy and the dopamine etc but my body doesn't want to. I can't control this, but I think she has a hot body, definitely a body that would have got me excited without problems in the past.
I don't see any benefits of nofap either. Quite the contrary, I feel worse and worse each day at the moment.
I also don't think I ever had an addiction to porn, yes I would jerk off to it but not because I felt the need to, but rather because I was bored and it was easier than fantasizing. Sometimes I would do it once a day, sometimes only twice a week.
Not watching porn at all any more is also pretty easy and not really a challenge either. Is this how you would feel if you are an addict that is on rehab? I also don't even feel the need to touch myself at all. I don't have the DESIRE to masturbate!
More and more I feel this is something else and has nothing to do with watching porn. This makes me extremely worried of course, because I am 29 and way too young to becoming impotent or any of that stuff.
I am a good looking guy, have a good job, friends, athletic, intelligent, confident and a good looking gf that wants me every night basically.
Sorry for sounding so depressed but I am really worried that I will not have a fulfilling sex life any more
It is hard to be 100% certain of anything based on reading a handful of posts, but I would still say that you are just desensetised.
What I mean is that your body (on a chemical level) and your brain (on a subconcious level) are desensetised. Trust me, I have been there (very similar situation). Athletic, healthy, nowhere near P or M addict, hot GF that wants me all the time, I want her, in my head I am super turned on, but... my little friend just isn't going along with that. It took a lot of patience both on my part and my GF's part, but I got my mind and dick to agree with each other. Also, the things you speak of (and the way you probably feel) do not help your mind and dick agree, it makes it harder.
So I would just say relax, have faith and do not worry It will take the time it will take. You can't guess how long. There is not a lot you can do to make it happen sooner, but there is a lot you can do to make it happen later.
But after all is said and done, if you are patient, give it enough time and nothing happens, you may want to cosider seeing a doctor about your winky.
Thanks for taking the time to read the post and the positive feedback
No problem, man
But on a separate note, maybe try not to write too much about wet/spread/etcetera women This did not trigger me, however, there may be people here who would find it harder to keep going after reading such things.
Good grief man, relax ! The more you worry about whether you are OK the more your body is going to NOT respond favorably. If you have ANY concerns that there may be a medical / physical basis for your difficulty, make an appointment with a medical professional to get checked out. Explain to the Dr. your concerns and how your body is behaving. Some tests (hormone level, etc) may be appropriate. If the results come back that there is not a physical explanation, then cross THAT off your "worry list" and get it out of your mind. Then pause a minute and think a bit. One potential thought is that if your troubles don't have a physical basis, there is likely a psychological basis. Why is there an issue ? Is your body and mind desensitized from PMO - even though you might not think so ? Is there some other reason ? Fear of psychological vulnerability and intimacy (not physical intimacy - but true intimacy on a very emotional internal level) ?
If its not hard for you to avoid PMO, why not simply avoid it ? A no PMO lifestyle won't hurt you and you may be surprised - it may help you.
Read some postings about flatline. We all have periods where we really don't have much interest in P, in M, in O and it seems our body just doesn't care whether we ever O again, however prompted. Might flatline be what is going on with you ?
And finally, echoing @go4aRUN comments: please consider being a bit less graphic in your posts. While your post wasn't a trigger for me, it very likely could be for others. Thanks in advance for your understanding. (If you feel you must post information that may be triggering, there are ways to identify the post as containing potential triggers so that some potential readers can skip that post.)
It is just so dissatisfying and frustrating, sometimes it boils over and you have to let it out...
Funny enough, last night I had my second wet dream since I started hard mode... it feels very weird to wake up with your shorts full of cum. It seems my body wanted to get rid of it, but why not give me a boner instead for christ sake!
Yeah, frustrations happen during the noFap journey just like they do in all aspects of our lives. The key is to not let the frustrations and disappointments take hold because they'll just grow and threaten to take over our constructive, healthy thoughts and de-rail all of our positive thoughts and actions.
paraphrasing another old guy:
"... You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need ..."
With an honest, true effort on our noFAP journey's I believe we'll all get what we need: healing !
one day at a time is how we all succeed.
Hi 'fizzy !
Just checking in. You doing OK ?
one day at a time is how we all succeed.
Hey man, thanks for the message!
I am doing okay yes, but I don't know if I made any progress... The relationship is strained atm (because of other reasons) and I didn't see her for a few days now. Last time I saw her and we made out, I could feel how my dick went limp pretty quick... I am at 75 days now and still my libido is quite low... I do get morning wood but it's not really 100% more like 50%... I only get boners when I touch myself (not masturbating) but these also only last for a few seconds...
I would give a lot to get random boners again like I used to!
Keep going. Healing can take time. As for low libido, read about flatline. Flatline can, and does, come and go all by themself. During flatline its easy to feel kind of "ehhhh" and not have a lot of libido, but trust me, that will pass !
Don't forget WHY your are on your journey of healing. When we forget our goals and "why I am here", motivation can lag and resets and relapses often follow. What will you do to keep your goals always fresh in your mind ?
One day at a time is how we all succeed.
Today I saw my gf again after a few days apart, I attempted sex but again nothing happened. I just can't get turned on for a few weeks now... this is really strange. I still think she has a sexy body, it can't be that but I just can't get turned on I also sort of want to have sex but obviously I pretty quickly feel that nothing much happens down there and the "ehhh" feeling comes in. I will then try for a few minutes to get a hard-on but to no avail. Afterwards I usually feel crap and worse than before
Hi guys quick update...
So I was actually feeling very horny lately and last time I made out with my gf I could quite easily get a boner
Unfortunately she was on her period and we didn’t have sex. But it was a great feeling!
She is gone for a few weeks now and I miss her quite a lot. And I have my libido again. Quite strong in fact, so much so that I think of sex a lot during the day.
However, I wonder if I have failed the PMO challenge though because I did cum this evening trying to sleep. I was lying on my stomach and rubbing my penis against the bed, fantasizing about me and my gf, until I came... Does this count as masturbation?
I mean I wasn’t using my hands like a had always used in the past. I never even thought I would cum just by lying on my stomach.
I am on day 82 now, so I don’t know how I should interpret this event ♂️
I mean it wasn’t PMO anyway because I had orgasms before while having sex with my gf.
Maybe you can share your thoughts?
Hi @fizzy89 !
Its up to you to decide what you call this event and what you will do.
Here are some of my thoughts.
First, its good that you avoided P.
Lying awake in bed, fantasizing and rubbing you against bedding that resulted in O in my opinion is MO. Yeah, you perhaps didn't use the technique of "using my hands like a had always used in the past" but you were awake, your rubbing actions sounded like they were a conscious decision, and you had an O resulting from "rubbing against the bed". Your statement "I never even thought I would cum just by lying on my stomach." sounds disingenuous and rings hollow. You weren't "just lying on your stomach", you were "lying on my stomach and rubbing my penis against the bed" What did you expect would happen (especially since you said your libido is quite strong now) ? Really now, you didn't just now discover that touching and rubbing results in excitation and eventually O, so skip the "I never even thought I would cum just by lying on my stomach."
What to do about this event ?
That is your decision about how this behavior aligns, or doesn't align with your goals and objectives for your journey. If your goal is noPMO, and P was not involved, then you stayed true to your goal. If your goal includes no solo M or no solo MO, well, I think you know the answer to that ! Whatever you decide is fine, as long as you aren't just kidding yourself and rationalizing behavior after the fact.
One thing I will strongly suggest you do is read the postings in the link below. I think you'll find them informative.
I believe that given sufficient time and focused effort, noPMO results in healing. If healing is what you want, consider continuing to give noPMO a chance to work for you. And follow the advice in the above link !
Go make some good decisions.
One day at a time is how we all succeed.
You are absolutely right!
My goal of noPMO for 90 days I can and will still achieve.
However, I failed in not masturbating as well. Nevertheless I will not do it again, I feel guilty this morning and this sucks hard. I only want to get pleased by women now for the rest of my life!
Thanks for the link, luckily his was the first time ever in my life that I used prone masturbation and I will never do it again!