Do people here really want to quit?

ok, I will not say all, but there are many people here who really do want to stop being an addict !!
BUT like so many addictions it is not easy to stop.. or not easy to stop right away. Drugs, sigarettes, gambling or alcohol addicts are struggling for years, so same with sex/porn/fapping addicts.
so most people here do want to stop , but many fall back into it because of weakness, temptation or habbit even..

 

From my experience setting up counter helps a lot. It gives you sense of achievment what makes you more addicted to this game. Higher streak takes more work so thats addictive too. Yes PMO is drugs - dopanine rush in your brains. But alsi religion is a drugs - endorphine release in brains.

Anyway you can get addicted even to nofap. Still better addictions than PMO.

 

I'm going to experiment meditating under headphones with binaural beats from the delta to low beta range for a month and see if I can get a 'replacement' of the kind of rush I had with PMO but this time, in a state of deep relaxation. We're not fapstronauts for nothing. Got to explore the great unknown!

 

I was a chronic masturbator for most of my adult life. I've only developed enough self discipline in the last 4 months to enable to to quit porn for good. That's why I never judge anyone because I myself was too weak before. Everyone comes to this realization sooner or later

 

That's right! I fapped to the heavenly honeys throughout most of my adult life. I'm 59 and if I abstain from PM for the rest of my life, it will be quite a victory. Nevertheless, if I ever have any judgemental or superiority attitude over anyone battling PM addiction, then I'll be a sad, sad case, a most pathetic jerk.

 

I think the biggest problem for anyone quitting a PMO addiction is the seeming absence of alternatives. For myself, I learned about sex from porn when I was 10, and I came from an extremely dysfunctional home, to put it very very mildly, where healthy relationships simply weren't modeled for me. I'm 31, and it's only been within the last year that I've begun to understand what healthy sexuality and romance even are. So, if it seems like people on here simply don't want to quit, I think it's largely because their entire understanding of relationships and sex is pornographic. Intimacy, vulnerability, these things were, and to an extent still are strange to me, but I recognize that those are the areas that need the work. I'm not convinced a lot of people on here understand this basic truth of addiction. I read a number of guys on here talking about all the girls they're sleeping with after their reboots. While I'm not one to judge others' sexuality, it sounds to me like they've traded PMO addiction for real life sex addiction, which shares the same priorities. For myself, if I'm not feeling motivated by desires for connection and intimacy, then I really don't understand what the point of this exercise is.

 

Despite all the viewpoints expressed and shared for inspiration and encouragement on this site, it simply hit me hard today that urges toward relapse, mild to severe, is most likely to happen during loneliness, inactivity, and boredom. THE ONLY WAY to crush dangerous urges is to KEEP BUSY, STAY BUSY, AND PRIORITIZE YOUR TIME! It doesn't mean one has to run around feverishly. Even meditating, writing emails, and reading will result in burying the urges. This may be the most important post I've written on NoFap.

 

I can only speak for myself. Yes, I wish to quit. Porn promotes infidelity and degeneracy at every level. It takes a sacred act and strips it of its sacredness and boils it down to nothing more than animalism. It keeps one from doing what they wish to do in life by taking pleasure in harming themselves. I am personally done with these temptations and must quit to move on with my life.

 

That is an extremely important insight. I feel compelled to point out the first condition you mention: loneliness. Neither staying busy nor prioritizing time will fix that problem. Fill your time with good people who will show you quality attention, meaning they will take time to see the whole you, inner and outer, nice and ugly. My 12 step groups have been indispensable to what sobriety I've been able to maintain, and it's in no small part because I'm able to practice vulnerability in them, and make connections with people who get the struggle. Just some food for thought, friend.

 

I cannot quit something I am not addicted to, so I actually don't take NoFap too seriously.

 

Because you did it easier, does not mean everyone will do it as easy as yours. This addcition differs from a person to another by how much he went deeper to it, the kind of porn materials he /she used, their general life experinces, their environments, and above all, the lack of strategy/ lack of knowledge. So dont be a judgemental, dont forget the times you have suffered.

 

I don’t think anyone wants to quit doing anything they like, but feel they have to because of the negative impact it is having on their lives.

 

We are all on the same day of recovery: TODAY.

 

I have had a similar experience, and I think aside from age it's also a matter of where we are in recovery. When starting out it's easy to be driven by being stoked/psyched and one does not have a sense of perspective, so framing it only as "really wanting" it is probably fairly common and the subsequent judgement that comes out of the simple mindset.

There's a reason why people say they "have an addict" - because with any addiction it does seem there is this dual identity of Jekyll and Hyde going on, so in a sense it's a matter of which one wins out. Without that inner division and conflict there would probably be far less addiction going on in the first place. I see addiction as sort of a process that has been decoupled from the larger environment it's in. Like cancer addiction does not respect the rest of the process of your life or body, it just keeps growing for the sake of growing and is actually detrimental to the well being of the rest of you.

So this goes back to the pumped up attitude of early recovery. While it's good for a short while if someone thinks they can sustain recovery based on some heroic effort, it is the same dynamic of thinking this small part of you is all that matters. It's become clear to me the way to long term recovery is not favoring effort alone and this kind of heroic archetype but recognize that it ALL matters.

.. and also, need vs. want. We get to a point where we realize we NEED to quit. There's a spiritual quote, Persian I think that says something like "if you need enough and want little enough, you will find the way." Addiction is about wanting in the first place, but we have real actual needs when it comes to actual well being and health.

 

I think a lot of the reason why people struggle to quit PMO is because of two reasons:
1. it is tied to our sex drive and
2. a lot of men define their masculinity and self worth based on sexual prowess.

I used to spend 10 hours a day playing video games during holidays. I played competitively, for money. My parents said I was a different person after a long session. Even so, I still got good grades, still played sports and ultimately when I quit it was piss easy and I don't miss it. I did enjoy it however, I am competitive by nature and I loved tryna be the best and playing with friends and because it didn't cause issues elsewhere in life, im not even sure it was an addiction, more of a enjoyable hobby.

Porn is a different issue. I spent like 1/500th of the time PMOing as I did playing games, but because I held losing my virginity and satisfying women in such high regard, I put stress on myself. this obviously increases the need for a crutch and after every relapse I was so sad and stressed and then I just got deeper and deeper into the cycle. I am convinced it did some serious psychological damage to me.

But I still cant put my finger on why exactly porn is so difficult. I used to spend hours a day on games/social media/youtube but when I stop that it literally doesn't even effect me. It must be because I gave porn so much power. It really is like a game you have to play to beat this vice.

 

Good points but the fact theyre here means they have a desire but not the conviction to quit. eventually they will hit rock bottom or find a way to quit for good. at least theyre trying. eventually they will find a way. giving up and going back (which isn't an option for me) will ensure they never find a way.