It's true, this place does help. I wish I could get so much info in my teenage years. But I also think lots of members live in illusion if they quit PMO, they will be cured. I believed this myself for many years. Relapse after relapse has proved me wrong. Without solving our underlying psych issues, new relapse is just a matter of time. Patient given morphine as painkiller will not get psychologically addicted to it even after long period of use, while 'street junkie' will get hooked in a matter of weeks. Why? Because first one doesn't use substance as a mean to escape every day reality and the other is.
I think it's a case of what they want to do they do not do, but what they hate they do. This behaviour is not new, in fact, my previous sentence is based on words written around about in late 56 AD. Just because someone is relapsing doesn't mean they're not serious. Granted if someone comes to the site for just 2 or 3 weeks and keeps relapsing and then gives up I would say that person is not serious. In fact, I remember someone made it about 30 days and then relapsed and another few days relapsed again and by for 5th or 6th relapse he gave and left the forum. It's also about figuring out what works for you. It took me years to figure out it's a brain problem. I spent years thinking I was evil and immoral and that increased shame which increased my PMO. Now I'm fighting almost 20 years of addiction. I find meditating and mental noting to be a great help but that doesn't mean it will help everyone. In the thread Addiction- Something you overcome, or have for life? i_wanna_get_better1 points out the range of reasons why people look at porn and I would think if people look at it for different reasons then they will stop through different methods. There is no size fits all with this imo and the problem is some members have insisted that their way of getting free is the only.
Nice, I also agree when I worked as a Counselor ( I know odd but) it was the same rinse and repeat we used to call it. There is always a underlying problem if you can't stop the act you are doing. I think that is also why such confusion can be seen with in this site.
Thank you for your post @HoplessCase101. I really needed to hear that. I did a 240 day streak when I started NoFap and got to 30+ days multiple times, but have been relapsing for two years now. I never seem to be able to keep it up for good. When I relapse, it often isn't because I feel horny, but because I feel lonely and needy for a girlfriend. I know this doesn't get me anywhere, but I just can't seem to switch it off. I'm only at 14 days today, but I'll mark this post and may be it will help me another time. I need to remember: What I really want is what I want to want, like, if I could reprogram myself, I would go for a life without porn, not desiring it in any way. This is perfectly clear. There is nothing to question about it. So why not just go and reprogram myself?
this is a nonsense: you thought to heal by stopping PMO but you was keeping relapsing so you didn't really quit PMO. Obviously you don't heal by relapsing but you do by not relapsing. Is easy. I had a shitty life, but one year ago (today i hit the one year mark despite my counter says 363) i quitted PM and started healing. No relapses, only healing.
Maybe you were just never actually an addict so you do not truly understand? You might have "thought" you were addicted, but really you were merely over-indulging. There is a big difference. You say "I can't relate to that." and IMO the only way you could not relate is by not being an addict.
There are many people that are not addicts that have substance and item abuses. I am not near tempted with Alcohol like I am P. I know alcohol is not good for me but I can look at it all day and it doesn't trigger me yet I know I also should not drink because I do stupid sheet when I do. I think thats great you quit a year agao, it seems like you are boasting and thats is dangerous but what do I know I only saw addicts day in day out for a very long time. I recall on such guy that reminds me of you. He was in our treatment center did really well, graduated, got a job came back in after a year showed us all his nice cool tatoo he got showing his sobriety date.....( ya I know you know where this is going) He swore up and down how this would help him stay clean and he was so proud and told everyone all you have to do is really want to quit and just do it like he did. Tow years later he was back with his tatoo and 30days clean time. I don't say this to insult or hurt you, your mile stone is awesome. But that is treading on very dangerous ground and its not you , its the same thing I saw over and over and is why I am humbled by my sobriety at 130 and will be at 5 years if I ever make it. Days. years it means nothing if I lost what got me here in the first place was my por thinking and justification and I knew everything attitude I had. Not saying you have it, but I also am not sure you recall the difficulty that others have.
I quit only when I finally admitted that me (from physical and psychological point) and my life is ruined. If I would be in my teen years or twenties I don't even care about abstaining from PMO. I'm surprised how many young people here are trying to quit porn and find PMO being a problem for them. I denied the fact that I have an addiction for many years and had to hit the bottom to accept it. Do I regret someone didn't gave me such advice many years ago? I don't think so, I wouldn't listen and take it serious anyway. I never learn from other people's mistakes, unfortunately.
About 2005 I actually joined a group online got P blocks and even joined a local PA for men however I was better then them, and I knew I had control, listening to all those whiners and complainers flash forward 13 years and here I am again. I don't count the other times any real attempts just lies I told myself, if they weren't weak they could quit, I don't need to as I got this LOL wow was I stupid, as I was judging everyone and everything for my addiction, now I know I am the dumb ass causing this and I will have to be the dumb ass who gets sober, i suppose I can blame someonme for my 45 year addiction by looking in the mirror and realizing I made this... and I will have top fix it.
True, I probably wouldn't listen at first either. BUT, maybe someone is wiser then we were back then and will listen. I'd like to get such advice, when I was 20 years old. I probably wouldn't listen at first, but maybe after a few years, when things started to really get out of hand, I would remember and try to do something about it.
I believe being humble in admitting the only one who is to 'blame' for addiction is ourselves, is the first step to recovery. I could blame difficult childhood and people who caused it, but would it help me overcome my addiction? I think not. I've had a problem with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression in my youth, which led me to search for a quick fix to my problems and I found it in PMO. After years of self abusive compulsive behavior PMO has become bigger and bigger problem by itself. Now that PMO has been removed from my daily life, problems with low self-esteem, anxiety and depression have resurfaced. I don't kid myself anymore. If I don't properly address them, I'll be sooner or later back to PMO or some other form of addiction to 'help' me ease everyday emptiness and tensions.
I can't possibly agree more. I know what I need to fix about myself. It's just a matter of knowing how to begin. Where to begin...and motivating myself to take that first step, whatever it may be.
About the same here their is allot I could blame and I know society would back me up on it, thats the bad part. Id get to embrace being a victim and then can justify poor behavior its a nice feeling to have people support your own justification makes it so easy. Being 55 I look back and can see the wasted time, I missed out on several huge events because I wiggled my self out of responsibility so I could have the house alone for a day or two did that maybe 100's of times. I can't get it back I know that and I have to let it go or it will get worse. I know I will be making amends the rest of my life to my wife and even then it wont make things right but I have to try.
1. DO I REALLY WANT TO QUIT? - that's a question we should ask ourselves regularly 2. DO PEOPLE HERE REALLY HAVE THE PROPER KNOWLEDGE, TOOLS, MINDSET TO QUIT? - that's how I would put the question of the thread title 3. People here are different. They also come with different problems not just porn addiction. I think this forum and its community has plenty to offer them. But at the end of the day porn addiction and how to get rid of it is the number one topic for all of us IMO 4. Lamenting, crying, ranting is a part of the Recovery Process 5. Beware of addiction to recovery. 6. QUIT! WANT IT, NEED IT, DO IT. MAKE QUITTING A PRIORITY. NOW YOUR REASONS. DON'T KEEP PORN IN YOUR LIVE! GO ALL THE WAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK. QUIT. 7. We're in this together 8. Are you addicted? Have you admitted it (and be it only to yourself) ? Let me add: But don't let yourself down by the label 'addict' nor use it as an excuse. Don't make it a fetish. Don't make it a tragedy. 10. You can!
