Daily Journal

Hi Rman,

Been a while. I was in Europe for 2 weeks on business but brought my wife as she has never been to most of the countries I visited. How are you doing? How's your head? Attitude? Resolve?

Everett

 

I'm in. Let's get going. Glad your back

Everett

 

Hi R'man,

Good news! Willam is back! He private messaged me. Go here and read the entire thing.

He has offered the best, most effective, advice and warnings of anyone here, or anywhere

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.0

Everett

 

Hi Rman,

Some things that may help....
1. Put a picture of your kids on the bezel of every computer. A good reminder of what's important
2. Get a daily habit to remind yourself of your progress. I got a jar and drop a glass bead in it every day I stay clean. It looked pretty paultery with only one or two beads in it but now it 2/3 full. I look forward to dropping a new bead every day. It's on my desk at work. No one here knows the reason for it...but I do.
3.come here first. If you have an urge to peak or relapse, come here first and reread some of the success stories.

It will get easier after about 30 days and at 90 days you really do have a reset. Not a cure, but a much better handle on it.

Keep going. You can do this. You will be so happy when you do.

Everett

 

Hi Rman,

You're right. PMO must be completely obliterated from your life. Your will have a much better life without it! It helped me to remember that this is not a porn addiction, it is a dopamine addiction. A drug addiction. Once you admit it's a drug addiction, and not an addiction to porn or masterbation or women's bodies all those excuses like "it's normal", " it's part of being a guy", " it's natural, all men do it" go away.

A drug addiction is not normal or natural or part of being a guy.... It's a drug addiction and we all know we don't want to be addicted to any F'ing drug, even one we produce ourselves.

You would never allow yourself to be addicted to heroin....sticking a needle in you arm several times a day....why allow yourself to be addicted to dopamine? Pumping your dick like a junkie pushes a needle!



Below is a post by William who explains it better than I.

Hi Moveonnow, the answer to the question is: it's the dopamine. We talk about this addiction in terms of "porn addiction", but porn really is not addictive. Porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine high. Dopamine is an actual "substance", it is a chemical in the brain that is released to reward certain things, namely, searching for sex and searching for food. If porn did not give us a dopamine high we probably would not watch it. Without the dopamine high it gives us, watching porn would be like watching the sun set, it might be interesting, but it would not be so interesting as to be addictive. Porn is very interesting to us because our brain's primitive reward center actually cannot and does not distinguish watching porn from sexual thought, it rewards both equally. The purpose is to encourage us to have sex. The purpose of that is to promulgate the species, it is a normal part of being alive. The thing about porn though is that it allows for not merely sexual thought, but hypersexual thoughts, 24/7 for the rest of our lives. Add to that the Coolidge effect, meaning we are not satisfied with one sexual thought, but are naturally drawn to new, novel, different sexual thoughts, and the addiction forms. If normal thoughts of normal sex gives us a normal dopamine release, porn or hypersexual thoughts gives us a hyper boost of dopamine. For porn addicts, porn turns our dopamine pump to high. If we are naturally at "0" in our dopamine levels, porn lets us turn it to "10" and keep it there for years.

The question you ask I have seen asked probably a thousand times, and it is the kind of question an addict asks. I know because I used to ask it myself, and that is, essentially, is there some other healthy way to get a dopamine fix? The answer to that question is, no, there is no healthy way to stay high on dopamine. If you are a dopamine addict, aka porn addict, and you are trying to get back to normal, the only way is to lower your dopamine levels back to normal. That is going to hurt, that is going to cause some withdrawals, and withdrawals are physical, mental, and emotional pain in some form. Again, if you are quitting, that pain you feel is actually a good thing because it tells you your dopamine levels are dropping. In my opinion, the reason porn addicts PMO over and over again is not just because we like the dopamine high. That is one side of a two sided coin, the other side of the coin is that between the highs, we are also coming down and experiencing the lows, mini-withdrawals that make us want to go back to the well one more time to make them go away. This in turn creates to porn cycle, feel low, want to get high, PMO, feel high, high goes away, feel low, want to get high... You get the idea. Over and over. If it helps I will tell you the cycle can be broken, but the only way to break it is to totally abandon the dopamine highs, and that means refusing to push whatever button you have been pushing to get it. This process is not overnight, I advise it takes on average 3 months, or 90 days. By day 45 you will have many days that are no problem at all. You will probably have some that are as hellish as day 12, but the withdrawals do come fewer and far between and by day 90 are seriously lessened, meaning you may feel them, buy you won't feel them so much you are seriously tempted to relapse. Now at a year out I don't feel them and have no temptation to relapse. Even if I see porn, and being on the internet one will inevitably see something pornographic, I do not trigger, I do not feel withdrawals, and I have absolutely no doubt I will never go back to the porn lifestyle. Never again. This by the way does not make my life a "success", but it puts me in a position to have success in my life which I never could while living the porn lifestyle.

Please, if you have not already watch this vid and get educated:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_RIm9ZMN1I

Once you understand what is going on in your head, the problem becomes so much smaller and more manageable. Honestly, I did not even know porn could be addictive until I saw the video and I had never heard of dopamine or the chemical reaction we have to sexual and or hypersexual thoughts. Moveonnow, this addiction can be overcome. There is no easy way out, but there is a way out that takes effort, that is a bit painful, but that you and anyone else can do. There are plenty of examples of guys who did.

Peace.

 

My first day today. I have just come to know about nofap from a youtube video on ted talks. I am really happy about this and want to contribute to this community. Can someone tell me how to set a goal on this page so that it shows like that green bar that keeps increasing? Thanks

 

Hi Rman,

You've been here before so you know what to expect. You're right, day 8-21 are really tough. But it does get easier on the other side of 30 days. You can do this! Take charge of your life! Wrestle your life back from that dopamine addicted part of your brain! You can do this. You have the right attitude and all the best reasons I. The world to spur you on. Keep going. I can assure you, life is better afterward. Keep going

Everett

 

Hi Rman,

I hope you decide to be a success story here and not a chronic resetter. I Could use a successful friend here. You deserve to be a success story. You have all the best reasons to beat this. Wife, kids, successful life. You need to get right with this as well. Here is wisdom. Read it all. Wisdom comes from those who have been where you, and I, are and have overcome it. Here is wisdom. Read it. It's important. It will help turn a big problem into a small problem

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.125


Keep going. Let's do this. You and me.

Everety

 

Hi Rman,

Good! Keep going! You half way to 30 days. Definitely a substantial milestone. Keep going. The pain is temporary but the rewards last the rest of your life!

Everett

 

Hi Rman,

I wrote this to goodwilly but I thought you could use this to inspire you. You have been I. The constant relapses Willy has but if this scares the shit out if you...good!

Hi Willy,

Ok, let's get going!

You inability to get any significant abstinence behind you indicates your dopamine addicted brain is in control of your life. That's why your life sucks right now and that's why you want to and need to change. So it's time for you to get angry. This stupid little addiction is costing you a lot. Remember, you don't have a porn addiction...you have a dopamine addiction. You are a drug addict and that sucks at all levels. I hope that fact disgusts you! You are a drug addict but instead of shooting a needle in your arm, you pump your dick to get a hit of dopamine. How sad! I have been there. It's a sad small life.

A porn addiction would be a big problem. Men love looking at naked woman. We are wired for that so learning to hate that would be a big problem. A dopamine addiction as a small problem. You can learn to hate that and overcome it. Your need to understand your urges are not for naked women or sex....your urges are for dopamine. That you can resist! That you resist by not looking at porn and not pumping you dick. Not at all. Zero porn and zero MO. zero! It will not be easy! It will be hard! Some days will be really really hard and your dopamine addicted brain will lie to you in every way. It will never say " I want drugs". It will say "it's normal to look at porn"..."everyone does it".... " just a quick peek". It will try every trick in the book to get that dopamine hit. You must learn not to fear these urges. You must understand and learn that these urges are your dopamine addicted brain complaining...and that's a good thing because it means you are recovering! Embrace these urges and lies and pain as a sign of your success. They will pass and you will be further down the road to freedom. They do pass! Remember that! They do pass if you don't give in. Some days will be hard and some will be easy and then Some will be hard again. At about 30 days, you will have yourself under some level of control and that's where you need to get to first. 30 days to clear your mind and get the rest of your life back. Sounds like the best deal of a lifetime. 30 days for the rest of your life.

So... Decide now. Will you take charge of your life and claim it back or will you stay and stew in the sewer you sit in now. The Dopamine portion of your brain is primitive. It really doesn't care how the rest of your life work out. It just knows it wants a hit. It really doesn't care if you have a life at all other than looking at pixels and pulling your dick.

You must take back control. Let the battle begin.

I'll try to coach you, encourage you, assure you and warn you of what might be coming as you go through this. I will not coddle you, excuse you, and placate your dopamine addicted brain. I cannot fight for you. You must do this yourself because the battle is not below your belt, it is between your ears. It's in your head.

Get some tools! Put a porn filter on all your computers. Put all your computer in public places so you can't be alone with them. If you haven't already done so you must etarde ( and I mean completely erase where it cannot be restored in any way) all your porn. All of it!! Search high and low and erase it all. This is a zero tolerance zone.

You asked for my help. You have it. Now use it! Or return to the chains of porn. It's your life. Make it a worthwhile one or spend the rest of it satisfying the most primitive part of your brain. Your call.

Everett

Everett