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Daily Journal

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by richardlessman, Jul 30, 2014.

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  1. Aug 11, 2014 #21
    EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Rman, you are a wise man! You have come to the conclusion that takes so many months or years. It's your brain that's addicted to dopamine . Urges are it complaining and trying to trick you. PMO does affect every part of your life. And every part of your life gets better without it. The price to pay is about 90 days of strict, tough, discipline . No giving in, not even a little...not even a peek. Nothing, nada, zip, no porn, no nudity, no bikini girls... You must deprive your brain of the substance it has become addicted to. Then your mind and brain will clear. You will have the famed 90 day reset. The war won't be over then, but the odds shift strongly in your favor. Ask God for help. He will!

    This is my new favorite song. I play it often and rejoice in the thoughts and words

    http://youtu.be/vSyLqbP8Z4I

    One day, you will also know the satisfaction of having won this battle, and the joy of feeling truly redeemed

    I am not the man I used to be...thank God!

    You can do this. I'm here to tell you, it's worth the effort. It's not always easy. Never give in. It does get easier. Do whatever you need to do to get through this 90 days. No resets, no edging, no peeking. It's worth it!

    Everett
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 11, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 11, 2014
    #21
  2. Aug 12, 2014 #22
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Day 32 - I'm actually feeling really good and can honestly say things seem to be getting easier as far as urges go however, I'm noticing still a lot of tiredness and a big decrease in motivation in other things. I'm normally a top performer at work (I work in sales) and have been struggling to keep motivated. I'm still paid very well but I also manage a team so I feel like I'm not being as positive as an influence on them as I should however I know ultimately beating this is the best thing I could do for myself and my team because it definitely has a negative effect on my work.

    It's starting to feel like I'm not counting days anymore but rather they're flying by in a blur. I appreciate the support from this community and am determined to be another success story.

    Keep running hard!
     
    richardlessman, Aug 12, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 12, 2014
    #22
  3. Aug 12, 2014 #23
    EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Rman,
    Keep going! I'm in sales too and run a team. You know the most portent resource for any sales guy is time. The one thing you cannot get more of. Think of all the time you, and I have wasted with dick in hand, looking at pixels on a screen. How stupid. My time has the ability to make me big money. I have wasted literally hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of time.

    I robbed myself and my family of that money and all it could have bought.

    Keep going.
     
    EverettSmith14, Aug 12, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 12, 2014
    #23
  4. Aug 12, 2014 #24
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Everett,

    Great to hear man. I'm in this for the long haul. You and I should definitely talk more. I'm interested to hear since you've already made it past the reset, if you ever experienced some decreased motivation during your recovery.

    It's funny because my pay here is residual and quite nice so I know I'm going to get a decent check next month regardless of how hard I work the month. Maybe the battle is just wearing in me. But I have records to beat and people to help promote so up want to get back to 100% ASAP.

    No quitting ever man.
     
    richardlessman, Aug 12, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 12, 2014
    #24
  5. Aug 12, 2014 #25
    EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Rman,


    Here is a copy of a private message I received from William early in my journey. His journal made all the difference in the world to me and I must say I credit his journal and help for my success


    "Hi EverettSmith.

    Thanks for posting on my "Get Educated" thread. At 56 you will have an easier difficult time quitting than the younger ones, the kids whose first sexual experiences and thoughts were hypersexualized by porn. The science shows that guys who are older, who wired before the existence of High Speed Internet Porn, wired first to--surprise--actual sex, thoughts of sex with real women. Because you were wired to those first at one time it will take you less to rewire to them because men who were wired that way at least once, as opposed to never (meaning only to porn) can rewire more easily, or to be technically correct, with less difficulty.

    Again, thanks for writing. As I get farther and farther away from the initial struggle my posts have become less urgent, less about how to quit porn and more about how to live life well. But, be certain Everett, when quitting, when first quitting, you must do it with urgency, with focus, with determination, even with anger. You cannot keep it in your life--at all--and overcome it. There are two types of guys here, the guys who hate what porn has done to them, but want to control it, keep it on leash, keep it in their lives. They are doomed to fail when quitting. The second type of guys--and this is me--are guys who realize porn came to control them, and that the only way to control it is to excommunicate it, defriend it, ban it, expel it, eliminate it totally from your life. Do that 9 months, like I have, and not watching porn becomes the thing you want to do.

    Good luck Everett. I hope to see you in here helping others. How do we help ourselves? We help ourselves by helping others, so find people to help.

    Good luck on your journey."




    You can , and should, read his entire journal. It takes over 1.5 hours to go through the whole thing but for me it was the best 1.5 hours I ever spent on this. He tells you what to expect. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. It literally saved my life, and now perhaps my marriage too


    www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2402-Get-educated-get-tools-and-learn-to-love-withdrawals
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 12, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 12, 2014
    #25
  6. Aug 13, 2014 #26
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Day 33 - Good morning guys! Hope you're having a great one. Everything is beginning to change now, I'm noticing very decreased urges so for those of you struggling to get to past week 3! DON'T QUIT! IT GETS EASIER! I'm here now and you can be too!

    I applied myself more at work yesterday and my team is about to have a record period. I know that it's still a long road ahead but I'm confident that the worst is over and anything I have to deal with in the future has already been faced.

    Definitely noticing a decrease in sex drive too which is not a bad thing at all. Been staying solid on my daily devotional and prayer time which is definitely giving me a new found sense of peace as I communicate with the Lord each day.

    Everett, I read much of William's journal and he actually messaged me my 1st week but he's gone now. He told me after a year he was leaving nofap, guy is a legend though and really "got it".

    Keep fighting guys!
     
    richardlessman, Aug 13, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 13, 2014
    #26
  7. Aug 13, 2014 #27
    Dslegend

    Dslegend Fapstronaut

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    Man, I find the P difficult, but the M close to impossible to beat. I had a tough time yesterday: I think I had already made an emotional decision to do it (M) and was just trying to hold out by fighting it intellectually. What really pulled me through in the end was reading some research on the improvements to testosterone levels that result from abstaining. This is a really big motivator for me. See, a few years ago I started to develop a glandular mass in my left chest under the nipple. Last year I finally had it checked out, but the doc said it was nothing malignant. Later that year I managed to quit P for about 2-3 months and this thing in my chest coincidentally disappeared too. I didn't make any connection at the time though. Anyway, I faltered and got into it again full swing beginning of this year. The mass came back big time, like half an egg under my skin. I went to the doc again and they did some more extensive tests. Turns out it's a form of gynecomastia, i.e. breast tissue in a man. They told me it was probably just hormone related. I went and read up about it some more of course, but couldn't find anything useful. Then about two weeks ago I started coming across research on the effects of porn. The effects on the brain was striking enough, but what stunned me was recognizing the causes of gynecomastia when I read the effects of porn. I finally made the connection! My PMO addiction had messed up my natural hormone cycles enough that I was growing breast tissue! If that's not enough to scare a man, then I don't know what is. Well, yesterday was day 13 of no P, and I've managed to at least scale down my M habit somewhat. The lump already feels a little smaller. I'll keep you guys updated.
     
    Dslegend, Aug 13, 2014
    Dslegend, Aug 13, 2014
    #27
  8. Aug 14, 2014 #28
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Hi DS Legend,

    Thanks for the reply. As William once said reading and responding to posts is part of my recovery. What I can tell you is that you'll always have a hard time beating P if you're still Ming. The reason is to truly quit porn means that you have to quit porn and everything associated with it. No M, no fantasizing no soft core, no bikini girls, non of that crap. The problem we have is an addiction to the dopamine that is released in our brains everytime we are searching this stuff.

    We will never get free if we don't ditch it completely. It's not the P that's the exact problem it's the dopamine fix and you need to understand what is "P to you" IE what's triggering that fix, then stop those actions so that you can heal your brain.

    Day 34: Keeping on moving forward! I feel like I've gotten to a point now where the urges aren't bold and in yourface but rather just sitting there on the other side of the room offering themselves as an alternative everynow and then.

    Guys it does get easier! Long way to go but happy to see progress!

    Keep Fighting!
     
    richardlessman, Aug 14, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 14, 2014
    #28
  9. Aug 15, 2014 #29
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Day 35:

    5 Weeks in and I'm feeling really good: Yes my sexdrive has lessened quite a bit but that's fine and part of the process of a reset. I know I can do this. It's not about 90 days for me it's a lifetime of abstinence. The reason my counter says 90 days is that's the longer end of a reset and I know I can get there.

    Here are some of the positive effects I'm beginning to notice:
    - I'm beginning to appreciate my wife more. I don't need things to get sexual all the time and I don't feel hurt or insecure when they don't. It's life and life's not all about sex. It's great when it happens though

    - Chaser when my wife and I are intimate is much weaker and almost non existent

    - Urges are much less frequent and weak

    - Focus is back and I'm motivated at work. Beginning to see the effects of abstinence on my sales team

    - Depression is gone for the last week I'm feeling great about life

    - I can envision a future PMO free and it's great!

    - This week I've drank an average of 70 oz of water everyday. Only had 1 alcoholic beverage, cut coffee down from 3 cups a day to 2 cups a day and had a daily devotional and prayer time every day!

    I know not every post going forward is going to be this up beat and I'm sure there will be some hard days ahead but I'm beginning to see progress and it's getting less hard!

    Guys don't quit! It gets better and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been using PMO for over 10 years. If I can do this you can too!

    - Get educated, get tools, learn to love withdrawals (they're part of the recovery process) and TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK!
     
    richardlessman, Aug 15, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 15, 2014
    #29
  10. Aug 17, 2014 #30
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Day 37:

    Yesterday (day 36 was really good) no issues at all. Today I feel like I got sidelined a bit with some major urges after no real struggles in the last week. I was hoping that this was over but interestingly enough my brain is still not there yet.

    It's frusterating and definitely putting me outside of my comfort zone. But that's part of life and I'm going to deal with it.

    No quitting. I've come too far to throw in the towel now.

    Keep fighting guys
     
    richardlessman, Aug 17, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 17, 2014
    #30
  11. Aug 18, 2014 #31
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I unfortunately must admit I took a peak at porn yesterday about an hour after I made my post. I don't know what I was thinking. For some reason something told me K9 would block it and it didn't. As soon as it came up I turned it off. Screamed at myself what are you doing and walked away. I thought I was so far passed this but my brain is still fighting me hard.

    Everything in me started rationalizing and saying it's not a big deal don't tell anyone but it's a huge deal and a mistake. I think there was an issue with my blocker and I'm going to reinstall it tonight to make sure that never happens again.

    I'm sorry for letting you guys down. Please forgive me because I and we all deserve better than that.

    All I can do now is keep fighting.
     
    richardlessman, Aug 18, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 18, 2014
    #31
  12. Aug 18, 2014 #32
    The-

    The- Fapstronaut

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    I'm trying to create a new thread , anyone bale to tell me how please
     
    The-, Aug 18, 2014
    The-, Aug 18, 2014
    #32
  13. Aug 18, 2014 #33
    EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Rman,

    You peeked! You slipped ! Very common right around 35 days. I don't know why, but it is. Good news is you caught it and stopped yourself before going into a complete splurge and relapse. It's OK. Keep going !

    Your brain is realizing your mind is really serious about this no PMO thing and the dopamine hits are really not going to happen any more. Keep going! I told you there would be good days and bad days. Easy days and hard days. The hard days get fewer and separated by more and more easy days. There are still hard days. But you will get stronger and they will get weaker

    Keep going!

    Everett
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 18, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 18, 2014
    #33
  14. Aug 18, 2014 #34
    perusan

    perusan Fapstronaut

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    Such true words!!!!
     
    perusan, Aug 18, 2014
    perusan, Aug 18, 2014
    #34
  15. Aug 18, 2014 #35
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Guys thanks soo much. Your words have been very inspiring. Even that small slip has depressed me man and I've been feeling slightly hopeless all day but I too drastic action and fixed the issue this morning so my blocker is back up. This is just a new part of the journey for me and definitely uncharted territory. It's scary but freeing. I'm so far out of my comfort zone.

    I just realized that I've been married almost 8 years and have used PMO in some capacity the whole time! That's frightening to me what if real "un-numbed" life with my wife isn't good?

    These are the thought going through my head. Honestly it's such a roller coaster but part of the process so I must embrace it.

    Just gotta keep fighting and moving forward.
     
    richardlessman, Aug 18, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 18, 2014
    #35
  16. Aug 18, 2014 #36
    EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Rman, your going to make it because you have the right attitude born of education and tools.

    Embrace the symptoms! Embrace the urges and temptations as signs of your recovery. That's exactly what they are! I can tell you my married life and sex with my wife have improved 1000% since giving up PMO.

    Yours will too. Keep going. Hard days and easy days ahead. Embrace them all. Every day brings you closer to being the man you want to be enjoying the life you have been given

    Everett
     
    EverettSmith14, Aug 18, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 18, 2014
    #36
  17. Aug 19, 2014 #37
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Day 39 - tough day yesterday. Not so much with urges but I've been battling a throat infection the last week that has been wearing on me. I'm on Antibiotics and I've just been feeling very depressed. I think that slight look I took Sunday also really messed with my head and I've been battling the whole idea of giving up which is strange because no real strong urges. I guess this is just part of the fight and I'm just going to deal with it.

    Keep fighting strong guys! #neverquit
     
    richardlessman, Aug 19, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 19, 2014
    #37
  18. Aug 20, 2014 #38
    richardlessman

    richardlessman Fapstronaut

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    Day 40 - Hey guys, feeling great today. I went to the dr yesterday found out that I'm going to be fine and he have me some meds that are working! I had been so depressed the last few days that I almost lost focus.

    But.... I'm still going strong and am thankful for all the posts here.

    Everett your so right, easy days and hard days. Getting into that thinking that everyday is an easy day is the same thinking that masks our addiction. We want comfort we want numbness. Facing the hard days whether urges or a tough day at work or just feeling off is part of the process and needs to be embraced.

    40 days down and my life ahead.

    Here's a summary of what's happened sofar

    - after a 2 week streak on my own I relapsed July 11th and found nofap

    - 40 days in I've had 3 close times where I almost relapsed but didn't making me 40 days PMO free

    Hopefully we'll on my way to a reboot. Never forget where you came from and never go there again.

    Peace
     
    richardlessman, Aug 20, 2014
    richardlessman, Aug 20, 2014
    #38
  19. Aug 20, 2014 #39
    EverettSmith14

    EverettSmith14 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Rman,

    You're right! Good and bad days ahead. Enjoy the good days and embrace the bad days as one more step toward your goal. Keep in mind in matter how strong the urge...it will pass. They always do. They always will. After about 90 days the small urges and thoughts are easily dismissed and cast aside. The tough days still require some intentional discipline and use of smart tools and strategies. I.e. Get way from your computer, get out of the house, take up a new hobby. Today I'm at 126 days. Life is good. Work is stressful. Marriage is still stressed but signs of healing. Finances are fine. Life is....life! But a lot better than life with PMO. Keep going. You have the right attitude and the knowledge and tools you need. You seem to have the guts to stick it out and the deep desire to get this behind you. All needed for success. Keep going! Keep learning! Never,never surrender. Never kid yourself that is not important. It's likely the most important thing in your life right now. It will determine your direction, and your direction will determine your destination.
     
    EverettSmith14, Aug 20, 2014
    EverettSmith14, Aug 20, 2014
    #39
  20. Aug 20, 2014 #40
    perusan

    perusan Fapstronaut

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    40 days!!! That is a real milestone. $40 isn't small change. That is a bankable achievement.

    Words from a wise man!

    Good luck!
     
    perusan, Aug 20, 2014
    perusan, Aug 20, 2014
    #40
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