I’m right with you man. I guess I’ve always been on the bisexuality spectrum (mostly straight or heteroflexible) and I’ve also always had negative relationships with men, so when I found a site that gave me instant access to real people, mostly men, giving me constant approval and complements, I couldn’t resist. I was there for whatever - women, men, couples... but men gave me the biggest rush. The more masculine or “straight”, the more validated I felt. The habit become an obsession and the obsession became an addiction. It escalated through personals ads on Craigslist - straight men looking to masturbate with other men. Once you’re in that situation, it rarely remains just masturbating together - you end up doing things you didn’t think you’d ever do. And it never lives up to the fantasy. None of that’s the worst part though. Trying to sleep after hours of binging Is awful. You finish the act on a high, your brain over stimulated and running a million miles an hour. Your dick sore and red. Your brain is foggy and you feel blocked from your emotions. Once that high wares off, you still can’t slow down your running mind. There no chance of sleep. Then the downer comes. Tears - probably the yearning for human connection that I’m trying to replace with pixels. The next day is worse. You feel like shit all the way up until your next good nights sleep. I’m 32. If I don’t stop this now I’m not sure I ever will.
