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Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Joe92, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. Joe92

    Joe92 Fapstronaut

    Hey everyone,

    I'm a 27 years old man using porn for 12 years now. I've escalated over the years to material I'd never thought ending into (femdom, transwoman...) and even have seen escorts, been to massage parlors... And now feel totally ashamed of the kind of man I became. I really feel like shit right now telling myself I'm a fucking pervert living a disgusting life and can't face it anymore.

    Two years back I had a nightmare, basically being raped by a man and that completely fucked my mind. I remember waking up in complete shock fearing that it may reveal something about my sexuality that I've always thought 100% straight without question. I only had relationships and been attracted to girls since a young age. Then I started being obsessed with this idea of possibly being a gay or bi in the closet, constantly checking for signs of arousals or reassurance on HOCD sites, videos about it... That was hell on earth for me, even though I don't have any problem with gay people or whatever, just have never felt any kind of sexual attraction towards man.

    I finally got better after a certain time away from porn, thinking about it afterwards and laughing my ass from the fact that I've had these doubts...

    Last month, I've lost a member of my family that I've always been really close to... and a few days after that, I felt trapped again with these doubts, feeling like a monster, being confused about everything. Basically, I'm scared as fuck about what kind of porn I've escalated to and above all I'm scared that I could decide one day to try some porn fantasies or curiosities in real life and then feel even worst and lost about who I am. It really messes with my mind...

    I just want to move on and be able to get my affective and sexual life back and reset my mind clear, so let's go back to no PMO at all and hope for the best. Starting now and will stay here for motivation.

    Any help from people who could possibly relate would be much appreciated. I'm dealing with a lot of shame and can't find anybody to talk about this.

    PS : Sorry if there are some mistakes, English is not my birth language.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Hi @Joe92
    Glad you are here. And very welcome to join us in our journey to a healthy, fulfilling life without any self harming habits.

    It's a safe place here. We all are in the same boat, so there is no single space for judgement here. No matter how much shame you are carrying.
    Maybe it's a good idea to keep a journal. Sharing your struggles, thoughts and feelings may help you to understand the underlying issues.

    Keep coming back and get the most effort out of nofap!
    You don't need to do it alone!

    I wish you lots of luck!
     
  3. Joe92

    Joe92 Fapstronaut

    Thank you man. I'll start a journal soon !
     
    Roady likes this.
  4. Hey @Joe92 ,

    There is so much support on this forum, the profiles and the various groups. It works if you work it. I don't offer advise. I offer only my ESH (experience, strength and hope).

    Work it? Oh yeah. There's work to be done, that's what's worked for me. Two things I've found necessary.

    1. I had to Learn the NoFap Program.

    2. Getting involved with the community on here was vital to help my recovery.

    Learn the NoFap Program
    The resources listed on the "New Users: List of Rebooting Resources" helped me find my way around the reasons behind the program and the terms used.

    They are:

    You can find this same list on the top of the forum you posted this message on at - the "New to NoFap" forum.

    Get Involved with the Community
    The community has been my lifeline. I've found journals I love, people who are very supportive and a place where I could get to work helping in a small way others.

    I'm nobody important around here. Just a normal user with no magic powers.

    But, I can:

    • Read Journals, and comment when I have ESH
    • Find people I admire and stay in touch via their profiles
    • Pick a forum and make sure evvery post gets and answer. I can't answer them all, but that's good - different opinions make for a better group.
    • Post in my journal (I could be better at it - but I do milestone posts at least) To make a journal go to the section listed by age and start one. Keep all your journal posts in one thread. But, for random thoughts, you can create a new thread.
    Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums,

    - L

    PS - Think of pmo like a wolf. Stay near the center of the group with the winners and the wolf has a more difficult time finding you. But, stray near the edges of the community and the wolf can pick you off.
     
  5. Joe92

    Joe92 Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the links, it will surely help !
     

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