Are u kidding me. Where to go from here.

Hello and welcome to the forum.
@AnonymousAnnaXOXO has a my thread on boundaries in her tag line, I think you may find it very helpful.
I know it seems like all is lost, but it's not.. You are here, among friends.
Feel free to read around and ask any questions you may have.
And if it's not too much, right now, is he doing anything for reboot?
Is he in therapy yet? Or started a program of any kind? Has he signed up for NoFap?
I hope you know, I hear you.
Feel free to PM me anytime you need to vent.
I do understand.
It's long road... This porn and sex recovery stuff.
I hope you find solace here.
I did.
-Kenzi

 

I feel the same as you. You can disable Samsung internet I think uninstall it I did in my husband's phone cos he could use that and incognito away didn't block it so I just deleted it. How ever I use an app called hoverwatch and it gives me screen shots of his phone so I can see exactly what he's looking at and reading
I hope it gets better
Tan xxx

 

I use hooverwatch and ever accountable.
EA will tell you what they type into incognito and hooverwatch does the pictures, both are great. Both are practical, depending on devices.
Good luck

 

That's funny cos I managed to uninstall it and disable it from my husband's Samsung 8.

 

Go to apps in settings and hit disable Samsung internet then.
So he can't use it.
Then if he turns it on, you can see.

 

I can't remember how exactly but I did it on mine and it's deff gone in my play store it says install if I search it meaning it's not on my s8 anymore. Erm try finding the icon on your apps and holding down on it and see if it gives you the option to uninstall also you could make a secure folder and put it in there and make sure he doesn't have the passcode/password so he can't access it.
Tan xx

 

I just reinstalled it to my phone.
The way to do it is to search Samsung internet on Google play and it comes up with the two icons open and uninstall. So you can remove the app if he down loads it again you would see
Tan xx

 

@Tan3110 and @Krismiss8201 Being able to uninstall the "Samsung Internet" might be different on both your phones based on a lot of factors: service provider, whether phone bought from service provider or not, rooting etc.

You guys have a good handle on all the accountability apps out there. I can tell you from my perspective, I cringe so bad, when someone says that they are using any such app out there. While it is obvious that the trust is not there, it also feels like babying to the person being held accountable. And seriously if one such app was installed on my devices, I would SO find a way to break it. And believe me it will not be difficult.

Please see if you can get away from using such apps.

 

@Krismiss8201 I will tell you my perspective on the lying.

I live in the same house as my SO. I have had an addiction to PMO for the last 7 years or more. She has no idea that I have this problem. So I am openly admitting here that I am lying about it to my wife.

This is about something that we have been able to resolve between us though. I was a smoker since high school. Quit till 2009. Started smoking again since 2009. Wife got an inkling about the smoking in beginning of 2017. Kept asking me about it and I kept on saying "Nope, I don't smoke". This went on to the point where, even I knew that my t-shirt reeked of smoke, but I would still say "No honey, I did not smoke".

Please understand that I am not a pathological liar. I do not act like this in any other situation. But I acted like this with my wife because I knew that she was going to be betrayed by my admission to the smoking. See the folly in this, in my mind, the betrayal was not the act itself but the admission of the act. Which is in-line with what everyone is saying on here. It is the lying about the actions that hurts more than the actions. When I am in the situation, my mind reads it as, if I tell her right now that I smoked, I am admitting that I lied about it before. So in my mind I am lying to cover up the lie, not to cover up the act. Lying has become the bigger problem for both the parties.

My wife broke this cycle by just, not making me admit that I committed the act (smoked). So when she knew that I had smoked, she came and told me that she knew that I had smoked, and that she loved me and gave me a kiss. That was it. No further discussion. The first couple of times that she did that, I still denied it. Acted hurt over it. Would have sworn to take a lie detector test as well. But she did not engage me. She went about doing whatever she was doing and humoring me. It worked eventually. I don't know if it was the 3rd time or the 30th time that she did it, that I just said "Yes, yup I did smoke". And that was the beginning of the open discussion about that issue. We could talk about the fact that she wanted me to quit (duh), what the timeline should be for me quitting etc. Even then she let me own all those factors for myself and did not control it. So when I quit, it was all my victory. I could take the credit for it and did not have to share any of the credit with her. Retrospectively, I realize that it's all her credit and I only did what I should have done in the first place.

Is this something that the SOs on here can try with their partners? It worked for me in one addiction, it may work for others too.

P.S.: I do not condone my behavior in any way. I was an addict and in the wrong by having the addiction in the first place and then lying about it to the person most important to me. I just shared my thought process from when I was in the middle of the situation.

 

I would not break it to get back to addiction, but just because it was there to be broken into. Give a kid a rubic's cube and there is not one person I know (at least I cannot) that can just put it away. If it is mismatched, s/he will at least try a few turns to see if they can get it matched. It it is matched, s/he will try a few turns to mismatch it and then turn it back.

An accountability app, a lock, is just asking to be broken. While I cannot break locks. I know I can break technical locks like these apps. And I will want to show off my prowess to my SO.

So what will happen in that case is an arms escalation. She will put a lock. I will break it and show it to her. She will put a bigger lock. I will put more effort into breaking it. And the cycle continues. But if there is no lock, then I have nothing to break.

 

Um...you are an addict that is lying to your wife about your addiction. You never know what might be on your phone/devices... I had a spy program on my husband's phone for months because he wouldn't stop lying to me. It was completely undetectable. I tested it against every program out there designed to detect those. It was the only way I had to gather proof when I confronted him with his addiction. It was something I had to do and we are both thankful I did. He is many months in recovery now, and that was the catalyst that got him started. For our situation, it was the only choice I had besides leaving, and I wasn't giving up on our marriage unless I absolutely had to.

Don't tell SOs how to handle their own situation.

 

To each his/her own. Yes, each couple will know best what will work for them.

 

This shows a huge lack of maturity on your part. Perhaps you should look at it as a symptom as to why you haven't been able, or willing, to kick your recovery into high gear. Or share your addiction with your wife.