Are kinks and fetishes ok

"Together" is key! Also, there are many degrees and ways (and even opinions) of "kink" -- ranging from conspiratorially explorative (in a sweet, playful, consensual way) to diabolically destructive (in an ego-driven, uncaring, objectifying way). Of course, the stakes are high in marriage. But two-way communication is key.

 

I love my kinks and fetish, so I guess I'm a lustful, highly sexualized guy. Condemn it if you want, but I don't see any problems with it. As others have stated, it's fine if it's between consenting adults.

 

As long as they are not hurting anyone else. Depending on what they are there is a good chance that they are also shared by a number of other people. You only need to do a google search.

 

No clear cut answer as this is another post full of opinions based on religion, country of origin, etc.

 

It's clear cut for me - Do what you enjoy as long as you are with another consenting adult. This is my opinion coming from a heterosexual American, non-religious, male who has been obsessed with kinky sex even before I was old enough to know it was kinky sex.

 

Anyone who has been in a long term relationship (my longest was 8 years) knows that having the same type of sex for a long time gets really boring. And of course it does. Human beings crave novelty.

Kink is whatever you want it to be. All kink means to me is whatever deviates from vanilla sex - but even that depends on the person you ask.

Some people may say spanking and dirty talk and getting choked are kinks. People who are in the BDSM lifestyle will probably laugh and say that this is still vanilla.

Point is - there's kinks out there for everyone. The great thing about having sexual partners is you get to explore what works for you both and what you like. Like nomo said, if it's between two consenting adults - and you both are into it, then go for it.

I would just make sure, depending on whatever kink you are getting into, that you educate yourself about it. The kink community is very warm and welcoming, especially to newcomers. So don't ever hesitate to seek out educational information.

Here are some classic books to get you started. Keep in mind though, these were published in the early 2000's and it uses some outdated terminology. The information in them is still very good as a starting point. I'd recommend you and your partner take a read if you're interested:

https://www.amazon.com/New-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton/dp/1890159360
https://www.amazon.com/New-Bottoming-Book-Janet-Hardy/dp/1890159352

Also, this book is not about kink (though it does mention it briefly), but more about how to be more open with your long-term sex partner and prevent things from getting boring.

If anything, I'd recommend you and your partner check out this book regardless if you want to explore kink or not, because it may get you interested trying other things!
https://www.amazon.com/Tell-About-Last-Time-You/dp/1538734834/ref=sr_1_1?crid=143Z9KK44SQZ5

 

Thank you, I just reserved the last book from my local library. As soon as I figure out how to use CloudLibrary I'll have something fun to listen to when I walk my dog.

 

I'm the same bro, and agree with you. However, occasionally these forums get hijacked with individuals from conservative, religious based countries that have the complete opposite opinion as you and I. Therefore, one can never seem to get a clear cut answer on questions like OP posted...and that's what my comment was pointing out.

 

@fasticles @nomo @GeorgeJetson

Glad you guys are finding it worthwhile to jump into these threads and balance out some of these. I saw this thread when it first started. Saw the word Christian in it and knew it would get the exact kind of replies that it got on the first page.

Unfortunately, as great as this forum is to quit porn, a lot of this place is filled with sex negative and archaic attitudes, incel culture, misogyny and religion intertwined into issues.

@nomo As you said I have known many people who had fetishes and kinks long before they came across porn, come onto these forums and instead of just concentrate on getting rid of their addiction to porn and compulsive sexual behaviors get twisted up in trying to 'become vanilla' and then do stupid things like try conditioning themselves to normal porn and all this weird stuff. It turns a lot of people into loathing themselves for being kinky when being kinky is not the problem but addiction is.

Glae there are some of you who are bringing a balance to these type of threads. I started skipping looking into them after seeing many of these degenerate into discussions of sin and purity and what not.

 

@stoicrebooter92

Thanks for chiming in...and you couldn't be more correct. I absolutely love this community and find it to be highly beneficial to my recovery. However, you are right, it occasionally gets hijacked by these judgemental, archaic attitudes that are incredibly counterproductive to our purpose.

Wishing you the best bro!

 

Thank you for the mention. This site is great, but like anything on the internet I pick and chose what I'll spend my time on. The world is polarized on many issues and it's good to hear other's perspective, but when it comes to religion and cultural beliefs we will never agree what is correct. Freedom of choice is what my belief is, and I try not to have my choice infringe on others belief.

 

So basically internet lied to me.
Fuck them.

 

Woah ,wisdom.
Yes yes.
Keep giving the wisdom!

 

Do you remember any influences for this behaviour or it just emerge from your creativity.
I mean do you pinpoint the exact cause for you need in past?
Just curious.

 

Ok lol

 

There's something deliciously ironic about judging Christians for being judgmental when OP asked directly for a Christian perspective. Judgement-ception, if you will. Damn those stinky Christians for giving their opinions when asked! How dare they!

As for OP, me saying anything else is pointless because he's been gone more than a month. But yes, kinks and fetishes are fundamentally un-Christian. Sex is for the sole purpose of reproduction and anything other than penetrative vaginal sex is classed as sodomy, which is a sin. Now obviously it's up to you whether you want to obey these rules or not, but there's no way around it, that's what the Bible says.

 

I love these memes.

 

There are 99% of meme that are useless and works similar as Porn with gratification system, only 1% matter

 

You should ask yourself the following:
Wich fetishes do I have?
Wich fetishes does my partner has?
Are they healthy?
How does those fetishes make you feel?
How does those fetishes make your partner feel?
Do they make you and your partner more human?
Do they destroy your dignity and value?
Are they harmful?
Fully sincerely, why do you like them?
I think you shouldn´t ask wich fetishes are okay, because everybody will have a different opinion. And regarding sexual relationships, that is something pretty personal/subjective, for example, what is the correct answer to this question? Wich is the best dessert?... You are going to have a lot of of different responses, and even the responses will change with time from the same persons who answered.

If you want to honor Christ, follow his first and second commandment, and honor and love your wife in same way Jesus loved the church. And if your are not sure about something, talk with him about it, but I think His Words are enough for us to live well.

If you want to learn something you have to try it. In most cases that is how humans learn, in an empiric way, try and error (some few times try and success).

 

While it's true that we crave novelty, I have to pushback on the idea that sex gets boring. Its an old trope I first saw mentioned on BBC comedy My Family in the early 2000s.

As my wife have grown together and as our bodies have changed, it's more amazing than it ever was. To the outside view our physical positions may look not very varied. But internally, our emotional and physical closeness is. It reflects what is going on elsewhere in marriage. We're constantly learning about each other. Married 11 years.