Are kinks and fetishes ok

Maybe these articles will help. They're from a Christian perspective:
https://www.gotquestions.org/sexual-fetish.html
https://www.gotquestions.org/sexually-allowed.html

 

Yeah kinks are wrong in general unless it’s vanilla. Fetishes mean you’re trapped into lust.

 

Why not praying together over the questions you have?
God is able to show both of you His meanings. Is His love not enough as a source for the joy of the sex with your partner?

A kink or fetish developed out of sin that caused trauma in the past imo.
Living out a kink in a relationship seems to be attractive but my opinion and experience is that it will not let you grow closer to each other but creates distance because a fetish is focusing on the satisfaction of the self in stead of focusing on the other, what love should do.

 

Yep he’s living stuck in lust and sexual deviancy. What animals do you see out here practicing kinks and fetishes? People just have too much free time and darkness deep in their mind causing them to want to act out strange sexual fantasy

 

Within marriage, I think it's fine _provided_ both are into it (preferably equally so), remain focused on each other's pleasure, and also remain sensitive to when one party is "losing" the other who is no longer really in agreement. It _can_ be a great bringer of conspiratorial intimacy. If it were me, however, I'd tread lightly and not turn my marriage into an extreme porn act-out only to find that the internal connection was lost to the external fantasy. So.. yes... but with caution and moderation.

 

As stated, I think it's okay, even religiously, to be "kinky" together, in general. I think that one should try to satisfy one's partner, of course. Not doing so could also undermine the relationship; it depends on the partner but a partner who says a lot of "no" in bed may undermine the relationship.
However, as I also tried to say, the _love_ and the _loving_ in lovemaking should always be front and center. With that, couples are free to go places in fantasy together, I think. However, there are principles. The first, as stated is that if it's not loving and not bringing your closer by fulfilling each other's needs then it's categorically to be avoided. Secondly, whatever kink it is (and there are so very many), I always think that it should end completely at orgasm. It's a sexual kink; not a lifestyle. (This is difficult for people who are not in a loving relationship to "get" sometimes.) Lastly, since there are so many kinks and since my kink may be your vanilla, it does depend on which and how it's done. For instance, it's not my thing but I can imagine that being tied up can heighten a person's trust if the partner proves to be truly worthy of that vulnerability and brings pleasure without abuse. Dominance and submission as a game can also doubtless be exciting since it only exaggerates a bit the power play already intrinsic in sex. But if tying up causes abuse (whether mental, physical, or emotional) rather than more loving trust or if dominance and submission become an excuse for ego-trips, callousness, or self-important superiority in the relationship it's no longer constructive. (Mind you, self-importance and ego can easily exist without playing this form of play and this form of play can also be used to switch the usual power roles and enjoy it.) So...1) love first and last, play only during play, and what and how matters. But also: vanilla alone can undermine the relationship if more is wanted. That said, of course, the less the influence of porn has anything to do with this the better. In the end, it's the porn, not the kink, that's toxic since it is not based on real intimate relationships. Just my 2 cents!

 

It’s not okay. That was more the. 3 cents more like 4 quarters. These fetishes come from a place of lust and sexual deviancy and it will slowly spiral out of control. Trust me on that.

 

I just want to say that it's okay for you or your partner to say no. Letting someone breach your boundaries because you want them to "love" you is not a good idea.

 

Yeah, I respect that viewpoint, guy -- in both of your posts -- even though may not share it completely.

 

I don't get the ethical parts though. I was born this way and it happened through a wet dream. Right and wrong, that's a bullshit statement as if to say I have control over it like I can control what I eat today.

 

When i was addicted to crossdressing i dreamed of having sex dressed up. Sometimes i wanted my wife to wear certain things.
I only asked her once or twice (something she would wear anyway) but i became uncomfortable about doing so again. Why? Because it became about me and what i felt i needed to feel or see, rather than enjoying her for who she is.

I am a christian and i know that influenced me somewhat in this, but I'm not exactly sure how. I'd need to think about it deeper.

 

I would say that this is something to pray about obviously, but in my opinion, if it's all consensual, and just as important, it does NOT come from a place of previous lusting after other women, I would consider it. Other people telling you that it is absolutely wrong or completely acceptable, either way, is total foolishness. Unless you're directly doing the opposite of what the bible says to do or not to do, rules apply to different people in different ways. What is okay for some would never even be considered acceptable to others.

It's very disturbing to see Christians tell other people what is acceptable behavior and what isn't, outside of God's obvious laws and commandments.

 

I see as something acceptable if both of you are good with it.

 

Yeah, transferring addictive behaviors and making intimacy about you both seem anathema to a close, trusting, responsive, sensitive, and lasting marriage -- Christian or not.