Any ideas on how to find new friends?

Friends are hard to find. When I was in school I had lots of friends because they are pretty much forced upon you. When I was working, I sometimes had friends (but not always) because I was around people all the time. Now I am retired and have a very hard time making friends. But I think the way to get friends is to get involved with things that interest you--a club, doing volunteer work, a church, a service organization, etc. Have you met anyone playing pickleball? If so, try suggesting you go get a beer or something one day. I doubt that is something I would do, but apparently that's how it is done. I wish I could be more help. Best of luck.

 

I think you are on the right track with joining clubs and doing things you enjoy. One modification I would make is to try and make these activities that occur on a regular basis. For example, is there a Pickelball league that has teams? This way you have that set time and place every week to spend time with the same people. As the league goes on and you spend more time, you can make friendships that way.

 

One of my music writing friends uses the tactic of talking to anyone and everyone under the guise that it's for networking. See that guy at the store? He might know something about music, let's talk to him. If he doesn't? Fine. If he does? Fine. Either way, you have an opportunity to make a friend. He'll do this anywhere and everywhere. He'll even tell me "Yeah, it's terrifying. But it gets less terrifying the more that you do it." I'd say that's the boldest but could be the most effective approach.

 

This is a hard one and also one I am struggling with. It's really hard as an adult to find friends. And most of my friends are married with children which basically means they have no time to hang out so that leads to a lot of loneliness for my part. Therefore I need new and more friends. Social clubs could be an answer but it's also hard to join something just because. Like for instance these "find friends in your town"-clubs. What do I have in common with these people other than they have no friends? I would then rather go after a common interest or a sport?

 

You just gotta go out and put yourself out there and socialize.

 

I’m coming up on retirement soon. I should feel very excited and happy but I actually feel the dread. Working sucks, but I have work people to talk to and distract my mind away from the loneliness and life problems. Friends from spiritual stuff on Sundays. Hobby friends on Saturdays. The occasional date night with my wife.

That’s sorta the problem If I retire now. What am I going to do for the five days out of the week that I’m not working?

 

I think that is something everyone worries about when they retire. What will I do with myself? Some people don’t get along with retirement, but for me, sometimes I feel like I am busier now than when I was working. The difference is, though, that your days are not structured and you have to your own fund. It helps to have hobbies or other interests that you can spend time on. One of the smartest things I did when I retired was that I went out, bought myself a good camera, and taught myself photography. This developed (no pun intended) into something that I love to do and that I have spent hours and hours doing. The other thing I did was to do a lot of volunteer work. This allowed me to interact with people and feel that I was contributing something. Your interests are undoubtedly different, but the point is that you CAN find something, you just have to figure out what that will be. What is a bit harder for me, as an introvert, is meeting new people and that is something I have to work at constantly. I love being retired and once I stopped working I never looked back. So plan for it, but do not fear it. It can be the best part of your life.

 

I understand the frustration. You seem to be making some positive steps. I find that what has worked wonders for me is taking up meaningful hobbies and meeting like minded people that way. e.g. two of my hobbies are languages and salsa, and some of the best friends Ive made have been via language meetups (Spanish and French) or salsa classes/parties. With cultural connections/awareness and many values shared, other interesting people were drawn to me. Its important that you take up hobbies that develop you as a person and that you actually ENJOY on a CONSISTENT basis (weekly) as this gives you more positive energy that others can resonate with. Hope this helps.

How old are you btw?

 

I agree. Most of all it's hard finding people that will stick around and want to talk to you for the sake of talking. The past friends I have had just don't communicate anymore, sucks most of all because I find them online on messenger and I won't see another message of just wanting to talk. Friends are very hard to get by with even though it makes us feel connections. I felt allot back then now I barely have any connections with anyone.

 

I am 72 and know how you feel. I tell people that I thought that by the time I reached this age I would have had it all figured out. I guess it doesn't work that way, though. All the best to you.

 

My experience: You need to meet people 1:1. Then a conversation can get profound which may result in trust which can result in friendships.
I was/am doing sports, art, and language-learning in groups and I didn't get closer to anyone. The only times a friendship started building was when e.g. an art course was cancelled, I was the only attendee plus another person and this person said "Hey, then let's go in a cafè to still get some drawing done!".
Other than that, dating was a great time to meet friends. Because usually you date people alone and sometimes it would not fit on an armourous level but a friendship formed.

 

I haven’t had a real friend since I left high school. Most “friends” in college and work were out of Convenience and proximity and they were short lived. Friends are only there when you benefit each other in some way. Friendships nowadays are mostly based on conditional transactions rather than simply enjoying each other’s company like it used to be back in high school.

 

Well problem with dating is. How do you date in 2023. You swipe and never get swiped. It's the only way tbh, there is no real dating matchmaking real life events happening anymore