Hello! My wife and I experimented with Karezza for the first time last night and it was wonderful! We both eventually achieved O and the prolonged nature of the experience was surprisingly powerful. Afterwards, I felt content for the first time post-coitus. Maybe ever. Not longing more. Not thinking about the next time. Just feeling satisfied through and through. It was a really incredible thing to feel. I'm wondering if couples who have integrated this technique do it all the time or if its something you throw into the mix every once and awhile? We loved it but it is a longer process and requires much more commitment to the moment by both partners.
did you both read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow or just get the info from here? Was is difficult convincing your wife to give it a try?
We ended up going with a very uneducated approach to it. I brought it up to her a few days ago since we've been looking for an alternative to our last sex binge experience which proved to be very crippling to me mentally (happened around day 45). I learned about the concept from here and didn't delve too deep into it yet, other than understanding the basic idea. We just went very slowly and had lots of non-genital body contact before PIV happened. Discussing it this morning we are both very happy with the experience and are now encouraged to research it more TOGETHER, which is something I never could have seen as a possibility before. Yes, it was a bit uncomfortable for me to bring up as a suggestion. I almost felt a sense of preemptive guilt about bringing a sexual idea to the table during this process, fearing that she would assume its just a new mask my addiction was wearing. Also, it seemed kinda weird to say "Hey hunny, found this great technique where we're physical for longer and may not achieve O" Just kind of made me feel.... selfish? After last night though (and mutual O) I can say there is nothing selfish about Karezza or the similar concept we attempted. In fact, its probably one of the most selfless experiences I've had in the bedroom.
***CLAPPING!!!*** sounds amazing, I hope to experience that at some future date (assuming we ever decide to be sexual again...)
Once the PMO addiction was disclosed I was really apprehensive about sex. I didn't want to be a masturbatory aid anymore and I felt really fat and ugly. I read about karezza on this forum and got the book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow. Our only rule was that my husband couldn't O. We did loads of touching, eye gazing, and lots of PIV but with no movement below, just kissing, talking gently, and eye gazing. It is a good time to practice kegels too Now, 8 weeks in we are having more regular kinky sex (per my request), but stop often to reconnect this way. Also, through karezza I have become multi O. *high five*
Did you try to walk along the borderline of O or just stay in a more comfortable, safe place? Congrats! That's one dream to strive for most certainly! It was interesting in that after my O, I had the composure & wherewithal to stay "poised and present" until she got there too. Definitely a welcome surprise!
My husband is very conscious of when he will O and lets himself get close, but not too close. As for me, whatever happens, happens. I just let go. I imagine your wife feels so desired amd focused on right now. Only good will come of this!
Thanks @Sadgirl. Absorbing. I wanna do is this after my 90 days NoSex is up. Seems like a good way to dive in.
Our successful experience was predicated on discussing this ahead of time and me sharing it as an intention I might like to try. Actually doing it was not planned but evolved from a moment watching a show together in bed a few days later. @DemonSemen is totally correct in saying that its all about intimacy! Think of it more as a chance to feel your SO next to you, without the expectation or typical schedule/routine of sex. I don't mean to cause a trigger with this next comment but its really like a scenario where one partner would be blindfolded and the other exploring, except here there is no blindfold (physical or metaphorical) on either partner. In fact its quite the opposite!
It just seems like there are a lot of rules, forced closeness, and awkwardness. Eye gazing. No movement below the waist. One partner can O but the other can't.
I want to try to get back into this. For the intimacy. We have the problem where we will start like this and then get all carried away. It's easy...very easy..to get all carried away..
This was definitely the toughest part! It was a great learning moment though to remove myself from my programmed sexual tendencies and see just how quick I was mentally jumping to O. Kinda felt like a kid struggling to not eat the brownie batter before taking the time to bake them.
It is considered an art form as well as one of the hardest sex acts to preform. To slow. To truly remove yourself while you endure the indulgence. Art.
I would love Karezza. Touch is my love language and I also love putting my wife first so I would be keen to try it, even with a 'no O for me' rule. However, touch is not my wife's love language - it is low on her list - so I am wondering whether she would actually enjoy it, or whether she would see it as me imposing more 'touch' on her when that is not what she wants. Are all the people here who have enjoyed it, people for whom touch has always been the way they express their love? ANH
Touch is not my LL, but I still love it. It just means I don't prefer it as a PRIMARY way of expressing love, but that does not automatically make it something I dislike. I do have a few touch-related "rules", probably because I was violated as a kid.