Worried to not get hard… again

I’m not sure really…. But you should for sure quit porn completely… maybe watching porn is messing up your mind a little bit so when you are with the girl you get uncomfortable and can’t perform

 

How about just give her oral sex in case your penis doesn’t stay hard? You can still give her a lot of orgasms even without an erection…

this can take some of the performance pressure off at least…

and yea, I agree it might just be anxiety… maybe try meditation, maybe watch some comedy sitcoms before you see her again to help relax you?

 

Does she know you watch porn and it might be causing issues? Have you both discussed that?

 

If it's too soon to tell her about your other sexual activity, it's too soon to have sex. Have you considered she might not want to have sex with someone who is consuming or struggling with pornography? She is not consenting to have sex with someone who is involved sexually with other people in that capacity. If you're worried that she will not want to date you because of this thing and you're keeping it from her because of that, you are just tricking her into dating you. She's not dating you, she's dating the fake person you've lied and told her is you.

That is not what you do to someone who you claim makes you feel special and someone you care about. If you can't be honest with her about yourself, you have no relationship. Keeping this from her while actively using is not building a relationship, which should be based on mutual trust and honesty. Until you come clean to her, you are actively sabotaging any relationship you might could have had.

 

If her leaving you over it makes it worth it to lie, but not worth it to stop, that should tell you a lot about whether you actually care about her or whether you care more about your entitlement to have her.

 

Sanctuary wife said what I was thinking, but in a softer way, I would have said it tougher (not intentionally it is that sometimes people say that I tell the things too direct).

Something I´d add is, why would you feel like shit if she leaves you? I know that rejection hurts, and if it is from someone you like or love, it may hurt more. But it sounds like if you are letting your feelings to depend on the fact that she keeps with you, I mean your value does not depends in if she wants to be with you.

About the "hard" stuff. It is a empirically proven that porn contributes to erectile disfunction (just read the threads that talk about pied). And the way to solve it is to stop watching trash and harmful stuff, of course there are other things you can do to help you with that, wich can be a healthy lifestyle (eating healthy, excercise, enough and good rest, relationships with quality, self steem, beeing grateful, nature, reducing stress and anxiety, etc). But the main contributor to PIED is porn.

Personally I would wait more to have sex with somebody, if you really like or love her, (and she to you) you are going to be able to wait. Some of the the worthy things in life are not easy and/or quick. Having a sexual relation with somebody has consequences, so think about it before you choose what to do.

 

I can echo almost everything everybody said above but I also feel like you have a near term problem that I can may have some advice.

I had almost the same problem as you and the solution is actually easy -- 3-day consistent exercise to increase your testosterone, especially your lower body. Please refer to the book 30 Days to a Better Man, day 4. It only takes you 2-3 days get your testosterone level back to normal. In the meantime, eat a lot of protein and get enough sleep.

On the mental side, the number one thing to remember is you can fail and you will be okay. Specifically,

1. Even if you can't get/stay hard, you can finger/oral/use toys (better to get all of these ready). If you are good at all these, she can have many orgasms a night without you getting hard ever.
2. Sex is just part of a relationship, although it's an important part. So trust yourself. Bad sex once or twice or three times is not deal-breaker. Your relationship may take a hit but you still have all the other connections -- emotionally or intellectually or physically in other ways (kiss, hugs, holding hands, caress, massage, etc).
3. If she is a high-value girl, the fact she is attracted to you and likes you so much means you are a high-value man. Therefore, if she leaves you, you can always find similar high-quality girl. If she is not a high-value girl as she pretends to be, her true self will come up sooner or later. If you are not a high-quality man as she is high-quality woman, you won't able to keep her anyways before you work on yourself. My point is know your value, believe yourself and give yourself more compassion. You are attracted to a type of women not a single person.
4. In addition to the value and sex part, always treat the woman like you're her Gomez Addams and she is your Morticia -- it doesn't mean you need be nice or submissive, quite the opposite, you should take the lead, be man but adore her the same time. NO WOMAN can resist that, even if you only have tepid sex.

These are based on the assumptions you will have 3+ days before the sex. If you only have one day, you still have the option of V I A G R A. I have never used so I don't have much experience. Hope you don't need that either.

 

Stop watching porn, eat, sleep good,exercise, adopt healthy lifestyle, have carreer goals then all should be good I suppose.