Why is nobody talking about Kindling?

I agree with this analysis… I think this hits at the truth… for someone who isn’t enjoying life that much, porn is the greatest joy in that persons life, even if there are some bad consequences…

I know the times I would struggle most with PMO was when I was feeling really bad internally..

if a person makes there life more joyful and begins to do things that can naturally create the “feel good” chemicals in their brain, then this will help eliminate PMO because the person can be excited about something in the future

 

Great post. I certainly know/knew nothing about this.

 

As I return to this post months later, my stance on Kindling has changed.

For me personally, I believe Kindling isn't an inevitable process that is merely caused by time. I believe that it is self-induced and preventable, just quite difficult to prevent. There's also no way we have a limited amount of "attempts" at NoFap like a video game.

Based on personal experience, I believe that higher-intensity porn is likely a cause for relapse. For example, basically every single one of my relapses after 30+ days no PMO has been caused by an urge to look at porn - usually porn relating to a pre-existing fetish or a "new" trigger.

I believe that we do not perceive these "inter-streak" periods of cycling relapses to be as bad for us as we realize. I think Kindling is caused by escalation within "inter-streak" periods.

For example: I originally started attempting NoFap at the age of 14, and even though I had porn issues in the past, for the most part I was MOing to Instagram-type photos. After finally succeeding at the age of 15, I did really well and didn't need a site like NoFap.com to help me through. However, a bad relapse at the end (around 135 days) led me to not only look at porn but look at hentai, which I had previously expelled from my life for about a year. Fast forward to the age of 17 (2022) and I was relapsing to porn about once a week. Preparing myself for a long journey, failing after a week, and trying again. NoFap can cause this issue and it's serious. But in the big picture, I was able to eventually hit my longest streak ever...which went well until the end. I allowed myself a few bends of my own rules, and it eventually led to full blown-pmo. And last summer was some of the worst porn I've ever viewed. Even if it was infrequent, usually only viewing it once or twice a week. But it was bad, and lasted almost up to November.

I started a process of de-escalation last year that I believe helped me get back to where I am now. I also have many more precautions for my current streak to ensure I am successful, but in the event I relapse, I am planning on de-escalating again. I believe that allowing yourself an "imagination only" MO as a last resort can improve your willpower in the long run (which has worked so far), as long as you still consider it a relapse. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a reason to stop it.

So, do I believe Kindling exists? Yes. Do I believe it is a major problem holding NoFappers back? Definitely. Do I believe it can be prevented/overcome? Definitely. Do I have the complete picture now, as an 18 year old still in the process of recovery? No....but I will definitely try to learn more about this.