Why does porn addiction so often end up in femdom/humiliation fetishes?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by john27, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. john27

    john27 Fapstronaut

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    This is something I've been noticing browsing here and on other websites. Guys start out vanilla and depending on how extreme their addiction gets they often end up with fetishes like Femdom, sissy, cuckolding and the like, myself being no exception, basically humiliation porn.

    I started out watching softcore porn as in simple pictures of women in underwear when I was a teenager, today 13 or so years later my fantasies revolve around being dominated and things like lesbian porn that used to be my go to fapping material does nothing for me anymore. It's strange because I'm ashamed of this but at the same time that shame seems to be what's driving the fetish.

    When I was young and had my first girlfriend I remember how excited it made me feel just the thought of making love to her and it was fantastic in bed. A couple of years ago I literally couldn't cum during sex and all I was thinking about was how much I wanted her to hold me down and fuck me with a strap on, I fapped afterwards instead while fantasizing about that.

    I've gone of long streaks of nofap in the past and while I got benefits of more energy and the like, it did nothing to help "reset" my brain. Even worse, these fetishes only seem to get more extreme. I guess it's like a junkie chasing an ever better high. The rabbit hole is really deep.

    What are your thoughts about this?
     
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  2. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    This is the reward center creating weird fetishes to maintain a flow of excitatory transmitters so as to fend off tolerance. Yes, porn can cause tolerance and is therefore to be considered addictive no matter what psychologists or doctors may tell you. If it weren't addictive you wouldn't have millions of young men getting weird fetishes that include femdom, tranny, sissy, rape, gay porn and God knows what else.

    It's all perfectly explained on yourbrainonporn.com. Basically over time the brain needs these fetishes just to function. In that regard porn could be considered a drug and it is, time for the world to treat it like one.
     
  3. DucksInARow

    DucksInARow Fapstronaut

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    The submissive stance is an old animalistic trait - its like the last throw of the dice in the presence of a stronger opponent. In psychology they call it the 'Fawn' response - it usually comes after fight flight or freeze don't work. Thats why its a late stage phenomena.

    Don't forget, these derive from potentially successful responses to danger - meaning there are 'reward' sensations in the body that will trigger if it is felt the behaviour could save our lives.

    These pathways, just like all the others, are then hijacked by the addictive personality (the false ego) in order to maintain its own racket.
     
  4. GaryMayor

    GaryMayor Fapstronaut

    I think situation when somebody else, imprerious and powerful takes control is really alluring if you feel powerless, unwanted and seek for opportunity to escape. You feel accepted if women really want to do stuff with you, right? Even if she humiliate you, she pays you some attention. And you don't need to worry about your performance if nothing depends on you. Seeking femdom insisently is like escaping - you want something else in charge, you want to hide.

    Another factor can be shame. You know you are bad or deviated (because of porn), so you seek somebody to punish you, you want some kind of absolution. It is risky as fuck. Femdom porn industry make you feel weaker and less masculine in order to enslave you! But you need to be proactive in your life, not seek escape from reality in submission. Women don't like submissive men. They sometimes like to dominate or seduce hard, strong and proud men, just to prove they are attractive and gifted. But there is no satisfaction from dominating somebody, who is desperately seeking for it and is so easy.
     
  5. IWantToChange:')

    IWantToChange:') Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure I understand this completely.. but it makes sense to me.. Like everything and especially when you said false ego.. Because to me it's like having a false personality and if I jut fix that, then it will fix my sexuality too..

    And to me, it's also related to sleep. For example, I think if someone has good sleep ALL THE TIME, it will melt the sexual desires.
     
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  6. ChicagoGenXGuy

    ChicagoGenXGuy Fapstronaut

    I've heard the scientific/evolutionary case that your highly qualified/equipped male rival for your wife/gf turns you on because of the rivalry, and the primitive instinct/thought that she's getting better sperm from him drives your brain crazy with a mix of sexually charged impulses, some at odds with each other, e.g., wow look at this guy with my wife/gf... I'm so jealous, humiliated, competitive, angry, happy (for her), etc.

    I understand the humiliation and self-inflicted mortification but I see it less as an escalation of porn addiction via fetish (more more more dopamine) than a reflection of some early childhood trauma that results in humiliation = sexual arousal tendencies. The only way to get at that trauma effectively is to be free from active sex/PMO addiction.

    So to me you have to quit active fetish/fantasy cold until it's truly gone or backburnered. This is my biggest threat right now, memories of real life porn (many & varies sexual affairs) my ex-wife had. It's worse than any online porn I ever consumed. It still owns me and I have a long way to go before I'm ready to tackle the root cause.

    I have a new gf of 6 months but I don't have these fantasies with her. But relative to my ex the memory archive porn is stuck to me like glue. I did another post seeking help with these memories in the 5-7am range every day. I get hard and the temptation is overwhelming. That's PMO and to me it should count. If I'm MO to those memories I'm relapsed. Very powerful insidious stuff. Wish I could pay to get those memories zapped. No other actual produced porn/erotica of any kind even comes close in impact, not even on the same planet.

    I'm surprised memory archive porn doesn't get more coverage here. It's the worst because I carry it with me and can call it up like an on-demand service. But I don't have to call it up. It calls on me which is my huge problem in recovery and a terrible obstacle to the goal of identifying and addressing the root cause ASAP.
     
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  7. Admonius

    Admonius Fapstronaut

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    From my own experiences with this, and with findom (which drove me broke), a lot of it has to do with self worth and self value. I got into humiliation as I have low self value. I got into doms on cam because I just wanted the attention good or bad. I got into it because I was lonely and craving attention
     
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  8. Hank Moody 99

    Hank Moody 99 Fapstronaut

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  9. random guy 84

    random guy 84 New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for writing that down. It perfectly describes the place that I seem to be trapped in since years. Is there anything that can be done about it? And yes, I’m willing to pay for such a “brain reset” too …
     
  10. Chappie77

    Chappie77 Fapstronaut

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    Disgust, shame, danger and revulsion are powerful emotions.
    They heighten arousal.
    Causing a heightened release in neurochemicals during PMO.
    People latch on to things that create an emotional response during masturbation,
    and negative emotions can produce the strongest responses.

    People look for novelty and more heightened reactions.
    Taboo becomes exciting and the material of choice.
    I now realise my sexual proclivities was warped by porn addiction and more harder/deviant content escalation.
    Something was wrong were I had gone through my formative years and early adult years having had an exclusively heterosexual orientation but then start to PMO to tranny porn so late in my life.

    I don't believe this was some latent homosexuality, as I have never been attracted to men.
    But a porn induced fetish that I hooked onto.

    As an older guy who has been M since before the internet age I have witnessed how porn sites and content have become more fetish based.
    Porn when I first had internet was fairly vanilla. only now in the last 5 years are we seeing incest, cuckold, tranny, humiliation porn becoming more mainstream.
     
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  11. deepspace

    deepspace Fapstronaut

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    This gets to the heart of it. I'd wager that most of the guys into femdom are probably single/virgins. I lost my virginity in a femdom scenario.

    I've had the full femdom experience. Had a "mistress" and everything (three of them actually). Was nothing like porn though, even though there was the bondage and feet licking and spankings and stuff. It was 20% fun and 80% irritating. How can I put it? It felt like she wasn't really dominant and I wasn't really submissive... She was my mistress, but she had real emotional needs and vulnerabilities that became apparent really quickly, unlike the hot sadistic ice queens from the porn videos. When I think back to my experiences with her, it wasn't the fetish stuff that I remember, but the bittersweet post-coital embraces of two struggling people trying to make their way in the world...

    Sorry I can't be more clear. I guess the point is that you're not likely to find the porno femdom experience in real life, without a good wad of cash anyways. It's a bullshit fantasy (for most guys who really aren't submissive and just want hot lose yourself under her heels action), maybe like girls who fantasize about being raped. Real rape is traumatic, and the fake kind is fake.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2019 at 7:45 PM
  12. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Low threshold for panic and pain is what causes men to be turned on by femdom.
    The way I cured my agoraphobia, and coincidentally stopped being turned on by femdom, is a rather weird method but this has worked amazingly well for me. (Please see this link!)

    https://journals.lww.com/neuroreport/Abstract/2009/08050/Swearing_as_a_response_to_pain.4.aspx

    www.web.archive.org/web/20190805030837/https://journals.lww.com/neuroreport/Abstract/2009/08050/Swearing_as_a_response_to_pain.4.aspx

    "The observed pain-lessening (hypoalgesic) effect may occur because swearing induces a fight-or-flight response and nullifies the link between fear of pain and pain perception."

    I use the voice in my head to shout at myself in an aggressive macho voice calling myself a "pussy, faggot, bitch" with "motherfucker" between every word. I think it's better to do it in sentences rather than individual words as weird as that sounds. Watch "scared straight" episodes and emulate it to sound like the prisoners shouting at you (I think scared straight 99 is the best one). If you feel it stresses you / makes you more alert !keep doing it! and do it when inside and not concentrating on something. I often do it for hours while lying down and have been doing it everyday for months now. (It's very tedious).
    When I say voice in the head I mean the voice that you "hear" when thinking about something. There's no need to say it out loud.
    I believe when the fight or flight response is activated without experiencing any panic your threshold for panic increases/development progresses and I think this is directly linked to whether or not you are turned on by femdom.
    www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-cure-for-anxiety-femdom-findom-humiliation-and-sissy-porn-addiction.249718/
     
  13. Mr.Chips

    Mr.Chips Fapstronaut

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    It might not always be the case to go to femdom. and if so, maybe considering BDSM as a whole. I think this is due to cumulative fantasizing and the increase of Dopamine needs which leads a person to enter get to more Fetishes, which lead to a lot of things including BDSM. If we assume Femdom as a main fetish that usually men get through could be because it contains every sort of fantasy.

    speaking about excessive masturbation, I read once in some article(can't find it) that it causes a person to be more submissive by time and becoming Beta males. So this can be a reason as well.
     
  14. Confiscate

    Confiscate Fapstronaut

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    Perfect! That's what i want to hear! This is what motivates me! Freaking disgusting habit i'm so fed up with it. It has to stop it's eating all my life away!
     
  15. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    Do you really notice no changes after 500+ days? Or were your streaks shorter than that?
     

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