Why do I find sex so disgusting?

[WARNING: NSFW]

It's been over two weeks ago since I discovered my true sexuality and my mind was blown. Turns out, I'm not straight nor gay, I'm actually asexual and my mind was blown. I used to believe that I was straight throughout my life but I never found myself attracted to anyone.

I always forced myself to have a crush on a girl I never really desired because I felt like it was a need. I always felt like I needed to be in a relationship because of pressure from society.

Back when I lived in Florida, I did meet a girl who seemed like a perfect match for me, both in looks and personal interests. She has dirty blonde hair, glasses, and a very cute face. What I like about her most though is her weird, quirky behavior because she has mild ADHD.

We were originally going on a date at St. Augustine one time but I got sick and I told her that I had to stay home for the day which was a bummer.

Unfortunately, at the beginning of June, we moved away to Washington and while I enjoy the perks of living there, I miss her so much and I feel like our relationship would have blossomed if I stayed in Florida.

Luckily, now that I live in Washington, now I get to see my wonderful girl friends again and that's great. The best thing about living in Washington is the food options. The food options are so diverse, I have absolutely no idea where to begin. I have introduced so many foods that I never thought I would get to try.

The list includes kiwi/golden kiwi, jackfruit, papaya, dragon fruit, lucuma powder, maca powder, camu camu powder, peruvian golden berries, figs, apricots, various melons, acai juice, lychee juice, and the list goes on and on. I just love food so much that I would rather eat vegan carrot cake than pussy. Seriously.

Anyways, I do have her phone number too so I can call her when I want too but I have to call her at a smart time because she is three hours ahead of me which can be difficult sometimes. But when I do text/call her, I can talk about anything I want because she has similar interests as me.

For example, we both like to draw (but she draws better than me), we both like anime (but she doesn't like violence, cursing, or fan service which is understandable), and we both like playing video games which is a big plus.

Unfortunately, the only time I ever got to play video games with her was when I spent time with her at her house which is a shame. I would really love to play video games with her again.

She really seems like the kind of potential girlfriend who could sit on my lap and play Mario Kart with me at the same time. She's just too innocent for me to sexually fantasize about. I just can't imagine myself eating her pussy or sucking on her small tits, and that's why I'm asexual.

As an asexual, I feel very conflicted with myself right now. I feel like brahmacharya (the hindu word for abstinence) would be the right lifestyle for me but at the same time, I feel like a sexual lifestyle would be better for my well-being later on in my life (I just turned 17 two months ago so I'm well aware that I am not ready enough for sex right now).

Whenever I look up the question "Is sex healthy?", I find countless articles talking about the health benefits of sex such as reduced stress, better sleep quality, increased confidence and self-esteem, reduced risk of various diseases and cancers, etc.

But what about the risks though? What about the STDs and pregnancy scares? The really scares me because I really care about my body.

I like to work out and improve my body, eat nutrient-dense plant-based foods, do stretching and yoga, go out for a jog around my neighborhood, etc. I just don't want to risk getting nasty infections on my lips and genitals, and that's why I'm glad the universe made me asexual.

I just like the simple pleasures in life like eating delicious, healthy food, smelling scented soy cantles, breathing in that good ass prana (guess who I just referenced?), petting my wonderful cat, Boomer, and the lost goes on and on. In a relationship, I would like hugs and kisses, and cuddling sounds awesome too. But I find sex disgusting so I don't want that honestly.

So how do I cope with being asexual and lonely? I recently told my girl friends about my asexuality and even though I was hesitant at first, they were very supportive and acknowledging of my sexuality and that makes me feel better about myself.

I wonder if there are any asexuals on this forum who could relate to me? I know I'm not the only one here. If so, I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this topic. Peace.

-Captain Rex

 

Asexuals are typically still wired to at least one of the genders, but just don't prefer sex. It's nit that you don't like anyone