What to do with all this libido!?

hey guys,

This does seem kind of off topic, but I have to get it of my chest. And as I havent told anyone else of my p addiction and my reboot Im goign to do it here.

So, Im currently on my 20th day, and I'm really proud of myself. This has been the longest I have abstained from pmo since I dont even know how long. I also have a girlfriend. She is one of the reasons I started Nofap. I felt more and more a dirty perv when I looked a P and felt like I was betraying her. We have been together for about 7 months now and it hasnt been a smooth ride. There are a lot of details here that I wont go into, because it takes to long to tell. But she has trouble being imtimate with guys. when we began dating she was even afraid to give me a hug or look me in the eyes for more than a second. She has come a long way though, and we are still working on things. As it is, we havent kissed yet, as that is something that freaks her out big time and although we have imtimate cuddly stuff when we are alone together, I do stay the night for example. She is still very panicky in public situations when I try to hold hands or something like that.

The point though is that we dont have sex. We are both christian and we are both raised with the idea of no sex before marriage. And as I did not really had the chance to have sex before this never really was a problem. But its getting more and more difficult to hold on to this notion of no sex before marriage. It may be kind off obvious, but I am really attracted to her and the thought of having sex occured more than once, even before I even started Nofap.

The I started my reboot, and man, am I horny. I cant seem to have an imtimate moment with her or I get all tingly in my pants. And the need to have more romantic and imtimate stuff with her grows by the day. I have told her about my reboot, and she respect me for doing it, but she doesnt really get it I think.. P is something dirty, but she does not have experience with it and only knows that a lot of guys do it. I dont want or expect her to be familiar with P, but it makes its something distant for her and doesnt grasp the importance of why Im doing it.

I am afraid to tell her im increasingly sexually attracted to her, because she allready freaks out at the notion of kissing alone. I am also afraid that my libido is only this high because I just started Nofap and me wanting her this badly is only a result of missing the P and not beacuse of her alone.

Although we have a very good connection emotionally and our relationship goes in the right direction. What I am missing phsysically is starting to strain and affects my confidence, and where I am normally patient because she needs it, im starting to lose that patience.

typing this, gives me some air. But maybe someone has some advice or insight in this kind of thing?

greetings from a troubled mind

 

I was planning on 90 days. But Im working up to 30 days, then go on to 60 days etc.. just to keep it in small bites so it doesnt feel like to big a goal. But the ultimate goal is to continue from that point and never having to return to P and M alltogether..

 

At the moment I'm just trying to ride out the first 30 days. After this I am starting medidation again, I went to a mindfullness course, but stopped doing it for lack of motivation. besides that Im going to schedule my days again and try find a hobby. from day 60 I want to take up sporting again and increase planning (more weeks ahead). this continues with blocks of 30 days with adding goals or perfectioning other goals.

but maybe you mean what I do to keep myself from PMO? At the moment I do a lot of walking whennever I feel the urge comming up. or I am listening to music and creating playlists to keep my mind busy. I also try to see a lot of people, so I go drink coffee with someone or plan to eat with other people. Im basicly trying to fill my life as it is quit boring at the moment..

 

I do not really have a plan there I realize.. Up to now communication was key, we talked about things when they came up, and we dealt with it how we thought was bes, wich was mostly how I thought was best.. The bigger picture behind it has been making her feel safe and giving what she needs to get over her fear. I guess I made this post because I am kinda lost on how to incorporate a girlfriend into structuring my life and quiting p

 

Thanks for the positive words, it gives me extra motivation on top of the resolve I allready have.

Also thanks for the caution. Me and my girlfriend talked about her issues a lot, and she admitted to having them and wants to work on them. We dated a short period before and that ended because I was to giving to much of my focus on helping her and indeed being 'the savior' I ended up not able to handle it and decided to step away. In the span of a few months we both did some deep digging and I went to therapy and doing a mindfullness course. Ultimately she decided to write me a very honest letter explaining what she was dealing with and that she felt she needed me in that process, both because she still had feelings for me and because she wanted me on journey with her. After deep thinking I decided to go this, knowning it would be hard and a process of years. We set up some ''perimeters'' and went ahead with dating. She really is a trooper, as she makes huge steps for herself, although she doesnt really see them as such and only sees the remaining battle ahead. In this ive learned more to be there for her than to ''keep saving'' her. still it's hard, and were both humans, so offcourse it doesn't always go the way we want or we react in ways we know are helpfull, but I guess thats relationships in general. My P use is something that is just now coming into the equation and I hope its eventually going to add in a ''safer enviroment'' for our relationship, besides the benefits it will have for me personally.

Thanks for the sound advice. Im going to look into my own triggers and see what I can do to be aware of them and turn them into more productive habbits. I wonder if you and your SO have discussed his enviromental triggers together, and if its a good idea to do this my gf.. I can think of a trigger she causes, not to pass the buck, im the one who turns to P, but if she would know she triggers a reaction, maybe that could be avoided.. although saying this feels like she needs to do something in order for me to not feel triggerd, and that doesnt feel right.