What do you think of abstinence? Is it even worth it?

A major reason why our culture had degenerated to the extent it has is that the vast majority of men are running around after women like thirst-buckets. Retaining your virginity in this environment may also equate to retaining your masculine power.

 

Unbeliever

 

Hi Captain Rex. Some background on me. I'm a 30yo male virgin, who grew up in a seriously Christian home (I'm a pastor's kid!), and was very into it a believed it a lot. Unfortunately, I unwillingly lost my faith. I tried to hold on to it, and fake it, and deny it as long as possible, until I finally acknowledged to myself that my faith was gone. It was a very traumatic experience. People find comfort, meaning, and purpose in their religion, so I'm not going to try to convince people their religion is wrong. I'm merely an agnostic atheist - I merely don't believe in a God, don't think there is one, but don't claim to know for sure. I'm very scientifically minded (I studied mechanical engineering for three years in college), and know it's simply impossible to prove a negative. It would be easier to fit in if I believed. Many secular people drink, smoke, fornicate, and do drugs, etc. I don't do all that, so I don't feel like I fit "in the world", but I also don't feel like I belong among religious people because I don't share their faith. I feel like I don't belong anywhere, like I'm stuck between worlds, or in limbo.

There are good reasons, aside from religious prohibitions, to abstain - namely your own health. I haven't had alcohol or tobacco in over two years, and have never done any hard drugs. My upbringing gave me some serious hangups about sexuality, like I have a brick wall in my mind and heart that prevents me from ever taking advantage of the few opportunities that prevent themselves. I'm basically terrified of getting an STD, or unplanned pregnancy, to the point it's more of a phobia and not a rational fear, but it's slowly starting to lessen as I get older. I've only had a handful of opportunities to be with a woman, and turned them all down. I only ever regret one of those, honestly. I was 19 at the time, and I had a chance to be with a friend from high school, and we seriously had some chemistry. She wasn't looking for a casual fling, but wanted to be my serious girlfriend. I honestly think if I had slept with her, I would have most likely ended up married to her and had children with her. We were both out of high school and employed at the time, so that does make a difference compared to still being in high school. I was simply too scared and immature to enter a relationship at the time, and it really hurt her. As you're still only 16, marriage or children isn't a good idea for a few more years.

Don't feel pressured to have casual sex. You might regret having a casual fling, and I don't think that in the long run you will regret not having a casual fling. You might have temporary regret as a hormonal young man, but that's understandable, probably normal, and only temporary. If you do have the chance at a serious relationship that you think has long-term potential, you might regret not getting with her. I'm not interested in losing my V-card to a prostitute or some woman who might give me a disease. I'm just waiting for a committed relationship, not marriage (though I would like to get married and have kids before I'm 40!!!).

I'm not going to get into a theological debate about whether the Bible supports premarital sex or not. The Bible has various apparently contradictory passages on a lot of things. You merely need to make peace with your own decision and your own conscience. I hope my story is helpful. Don't be in a hurry, but I recommend not necessarily waiting for marriage, but just an exclusive relationship. The right woman for you might actually involve premarital sex. Don't necessarily limit your potential marriage partners to only virgins or those willing to wait for marriage, as that eliminates a large portion of the population. As an aside, make sure the woman you end up marrying likes you when she's not on the pill, before you marry her! The pill really screws women up hormonally, and affects mate selection (it involves MHC). Don't worry *too* much about pregnancy (though STD testing is very important! Fortunately, most are curable.), as only about 2% of women will get pregnant in a given year with condoms, when used correctly and consistently, and less than 1% of women will get pregnant in a given year with an IUD. Remember, those contraception reliability numbers aren't for individual sexual encounters, but a whole year! If you are with the right woman, an unplanned pregnancy won't be a catastrophe, just a challenge to face together. I don't believe in "one true soulmate", but there are very good matches, and not so good matches. I believe in the idea of "good enough".

 

You're welcome! Glad I could help.