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What do you think of abstinence? Is it even worth it?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Jul 19, 2018.

  1. Captain Rex reporting. For a while now, I've been thinking of having sex before marriage. But the thing is, I'm only going to do it out of love. I'm only going to have sex if it's with a girl I like. I'm definitely not willing to do it with a money hungry whore.

    But the thing is, my parents are against it. They don't actually know I want to do it but they see it as depraved and unnatural. They think that it should only be for marriage but I think it's just unhealthy and unrealistic.

    Yes I'm christian and I live with a christian family and no, it's not because of religious beliefs, but they think I'll be crippled for life and accidently get a girl pregnant if I have premarital sex.

    So how do I deal with this?? I've had thoughts like this for a while. I initially believed in abstinence before my NoFap days but since PMO is gone from my life entirely, sex is the only choice. I can now only allow myself to be sexually active with a women for now on.

    So what do you think of abstinence? Is it really the righteous and moral path or is it just stupid and unnecessary? I know my parents can't dictate my life but I want to know which is the best way?

    Yes I'm 16 but I'm not obsessed with getting laid, I just want to stop ranting about this in my mind. I just want to lay this topic to rest for once. Captain Rex, out.
     
    Padre Loco likes this.
  2. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

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    First of all, you’re 16 years old. You shouldn’t even be worrying about things like this.

    Marriage shouldn’t be on your mind at all at that age. Sex however naturally will be. As a young man full of hormones you will undoubtably want to have sex.

    The choice falls down to you in the end. Do you want to have sex before marriage? Or do you want to wait until after marriage. Only you can answer this and it’s your choice to make, don’t be influenced by others, including your parents.

    I will however leave you with my views. I personally believe waiting until marriage is a not so good idea. Firstly because you will spend a lot of time waiting when you could be exploring/learning. Secondly, it will make you want to rush into marriage when you do finally meet a girl just so you can have sex. Thirdly, you could marry a person, wait all that time to have sex and then realise that you’re not sexually compatible. (By this I don’t mean size or anything, but different people like different things, and yes if you’re not on the same page. It’s not as fun).

    I lost my virginity at the age of 22. With a partner that I felt comfortable with. I’m glad I didn’t wait until marriage (I never intended to wait until marriage anyway) when I finally had sex I realised it wasn’t a massive deal as I had made it out to be. Sex was more of a big deal when I hadn’t had it yet.

    I personally believe that the whole marriage thing is outdated anyway. I see absolutely nothing wrong with having sex without being married first. As long as it’s with someone you’re comfortable with and you’re cautious. Use protection etc...

    But like I mentioned, that’s just my opinion. I’m sure others will disagree. In the end it falls down to what you want.
     
  3. Amen brother, amen. This is the reason so many marriages nowadays end up crashing and burning (by that I mean divorce obviously). Need I day more?
     
  4. You shouldnt let your parents dictate your life. But, if you truly are a Christian, you SHOULD be allowing God to dictate your life choices. Not because you're a slave, but because He knows what is best for you. So yes, abstinence until marriage is worth it. I would trust the opinion of the person who created all this stuff a lot more than I would trust strangers on the internet, or even my parents.
     
  5. I waited until marriage, and I'm glad I did. Were we completely "compatible" immediately? Nope. Was everything super easy and smooth sailing to figure out? Definitely not. But that's not a bad thing. I think a lot of people have a very strange and altered view of what sex is supposed to be, because of the way our society is right now. It isn't all about how you can have the most fun possible. There are complications sometimes, but when you're married, you work that out and work together as a team. It's not some horror story to wait until marriage to have sex and then have issues once you get married because the sex isn't perfect the first night. That's how you grow together, and you make it better. You have the rest of your lives to do that. What's the rush? Have a little patience.
     
  6. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    Dude, your 16!

    Don't be stupid, sex requires you to be mentally and physically ready. It can wreck you and your self esteem if you rush into it. I would at least wait until you've matured a bit. There's nothing wrong with dating, just do that in the meantime. But don't rush into having sex at such a young age.

    The urges will fade out over soon. Your a teen so your body is just doing it's thing an pumping a lot of hormones on you.
     
    Padre Loco and Deleted Account like this.
  7. Your right, I know I'm a little too young for this, but I just want to plan out my life vision ahead of time. Like I said, I'm NOT obsessed with losing my virginity, I just want to lay this topic to rest.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 21, 2018
  8. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    Lol you need to find something else to obsess about. But I get it, I was 16 once too! Trust me there's more to life than just sex. It isn't as appealing as you make it out in your head. That's why this site is full of people who have regular sex but are still addicted to porn and masturbating.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    it's not his mistake
    our surroundings are overhyping sex too much
    and all religions include chastity in it
    so if you believe in god then its better to wait
     
    Bhara likes this.
  10. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

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    Well this is a whole other ball game now. You’re talking as though God 100% definitely exists.

    You just said “I would trust the opinion of the person who created all of this stuff a lot more than I would trust strangers on the internet”

    You mean to say you’ve actually had a one on one conversation with God? And he gave you his opinion... or did you just read it in some book?
     
  11. I said this because OP specifically said he is Christian. It wasn't directed at you. This isn't a thread to debate the existence of God.
     
    goodnice and SolitaryScribe like this.
  12. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    Dude stop trying to push your atheism everywhere. OP literally said he was Christian, and @Castielle was responding to him as a fellow Christian. Put down that damn fedora and keep your belief's to yourself.
     
  13. You just might if you go about it the wrong way. Just one foolish rush of passion and you could end up paying child support for most of your adult life. But since you're doing NoFap and have made 300+ days I'm sure you have enough self-control to not do something stupid. Just make sure you or the woman use birth control. It is possible that it might cause you some mental distress if you have sex with someone and later on regret it. But if that does happen it's best to treat it like everything we regret - let it remain in the past and move on. The thing is you could save yourself for marriage and then get divorced and really what good is all that waiting for if you end up getting divorced?

    It should also be said the Bible isn't as clear about premarital sex as some Christians make it out to be.

    Here's a quote from Jennifer Knust:

    'Some Biblical writers argue against premarital or extramarital sex, especially for women, but other Biblical writers present premarital sex as a source of God’s blessing.

    Perhaps the most striking example is in the story of Ruth, though there are other examples as well. According to the Book of Ruth, when the recently widowed Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi were faced with a famine in Ruth’s homeland Moab, they returned to Israel impoverished and with little hope of survival. Ruth took to gleaning in the fields to find food for herself and Naomi. The owner of the fields, a relative of Naomi named Boaz, saw Ruth and was pleased by her. When Naomi heard about it, she encouraged Ruth to adorn herself and approach Boaz at night while he was sleeping to see what would happen. Ruth took this advice, resting with him until morning after first “uncovering his feet” (in Hebrew, “feet” can be a euphemism for male genitals). The next day, Boaz goes to town to find out whether he can marry her, and, luckily, another man with a claim to Ruth agrees to release her. They do marry and together they produce Obed, the grandfather of King David.

    None of this would have been possible if Ruth had not set out to seduce Boaz in a field, without the benefit of marriage'.

    Christians can be overly obsessed with saving sex for marriage and it's not healthy. As long as you're smart about it it shouldn't be a big deal. While the question you're asking is an important one and should be thought about it isn't the most important thing in the world.

    This podcast has an interesting theory as to why Christians think the issue of premarital sex is important.
     
    Padre Loco likes this.
  14. Padre Loco

    Padre Loco Fapstronaut

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    Being clean is the only way to live with your sanity intact IME.
     
  15. Padre Loco

    Padre Loco Fapstronaut

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    How do you see fit to decide if Christians waiting until marriage to have sex is healthy or not?

    Just curious.

    Couple book and public figure ideas if you standby this idea.
     
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  16. Padre Loco

    Padre Loco Fapstronaut

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    Ok but you view yourself as a Captain and report like commanders are waiting for you too?

    Dude, money hungry whore?

    Firstly, males determine who whores are. Unless girls do each other for cash and call themselves whores.

    Secondly why even say that?

    I mean I agree. I would not want to be around a money grubbing whore either but I would not go out of my way to call anyone that.

    Lastly, pregnancy is a possible outcome of man - woman sex. Condom or not. So waiting until marriage in my non-Christian eyes is just like a rational choice to make if one intends to?
     
  17. Padre Loco

    Padre Loco Fapstronaut

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    Ok well i was banging since kindergarten. Same sex deal but still, raucous humping.
     
  18. Padre Loco

    Padre Loco Fapstronaut

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    Agreed.
     
  19. Amen. I wouldn't dare have sex with a girl without condoms and/or birth control. It's just suicidal, almost like riding a bike without a helmet.

    And yeah, I do think a lot of christians nowadays take their beliefs too far and enforce their lifestyle on others. I do agree with how obsession can be unhealthy. After all, it's just a lifestyle and it's not my cup of tea (I don't actually like tea btw).

    -Captain Rex
     
  20. Whoops, I meant to say I'm not obsessed with losing my v-card. That was just a conradictory mistake I just made. Sorry about that.
     

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