Watching porn = cheating ?

My ex wife treated it the same as cheating

 

It really depends on what both you and your partner agree upon. Some people really don’t care, some absolutely care and some go from not thinking it’s cheating to 100% thinking it’s cheating because of certain factors, like hiding, lying, wasting finances and escalating behaviors.

 

It is not cheating, but it feels like cheating, so in some cases yeah.

 

Only if you're hiding it from your partner IMO. Each couple decides what counts as cheating and have their own rules. Some couple allow others to join them in the bedroom and don't consider it cheating. Some couples watch porn together

 

I voted in some cases because if a couple agrees that its okay, then its fine. But for anyone who doesn't watch porn and also doesn't want their spouse watching porn, yes, its absolutely cheating. The problem is that so many people (usually men, but not always) don't see it as cheating despite their spouses disagreement with that.

 

It's crazy to me that people in relationships watch porn and think it's fine

 

I voted it's not cheating, but it certainly will hurt the relationship unless you watch it together as a couple. I define cheating as having a physical sex act with someone besides your partner. However many other activities that lead up to cheating can be harmful and ruin a relationship.

 

I think it's important for us all to keep in mind here that there is no textbook definition of cheating. If a husband and wife disagree and she tells him that if he looks at porn then she considers that cheating, he has to change his mentality to match. (And vice versa obviously.)

 

You and your partner need to come up with a shared definition of "cheating" before you can make a conclusion about this. It's a subjective question.

 

Because it is. You’re misappropriating your sexual energy

 

For me personally it depends on the reason, why someone is watching porn.
If someone is addicted to porn, the reason they repeat PMO is not per se their lust (in the beginning, before the addiction manifested itself it surely was), but more so satisfying addictive needs, which mostly come from conditioned behaviour over a long time plus powerful chemical reactions in our brains (low dopamine and the need for a "high").
In this scenario, I would not consider it cheating. And I am sure that most partners, if told about such story and hearing that cry for help, would be loving and supporting, and cheating would not even get to their minds.

However, for people who have no addictive relationship with porn, but use it just to satisfy their sexual fantasies every now and then while having a partner, I would say, this comes closer to cheating. In this scenario, I would also assume that many partners, when hearing this story, were actually hurt and less understanding.
I would however not consider it equal with actually having sex with another person.
Anyways, I think it would be preferable to seek a conversation with our partners about our sexual needs and wants instead of using porn - this might make using porn obsolete in the first place.

In the end, it has to be decided by everbody individually, what is considered cheating and not because many factors like upbringing, moral and religion play into this decission.

 

Honestly, I think this is one of the most reasonable ways to respond to a question like this. As damaging as porn can be to a romantic relationship, its totally not the same as having an affair and I think its really dangerous to conflate the two. I've talked with people that are like "all cheating is cheating" e.g. having a single sexual thought about another person is the same as sleeping with them but I think this line of thought just doesn't have any moral or even philosophical depth. I honestly feel like most people use this argument to tout their moral superiority or take the moral high-ground over their partner.

I'm not tryna justify porn use or addiction by any means and I know that porn use could lead to plans of cheating but they're not the same. My thoughts.

 

Aye, because you’re taking away that intimacy, love and bond from them. I mean to be honest if you would rather “make love” to porn then you’re just cheating on your partner in a slightly different way.

Nobody wants to feel used, like sloppy seconds, or unloved, and that’s how my boyfriend felt especially when I’d do it behind his back. Just because it’s pixels, that doesn’t mean it’s emotionally different than fooling around with a person or an excuse to do so.

 

Your partner probably doesn't think it's subjective, either. No one really thinks their definition of cheating is subjective.

But if one person's definition is different than another's, then guess what--it's subjective. The multitude of opinions in this thread is evidence of that.