Wanting to relapse after disappointment of coworker I kinda liked, please help

been working at new job for 2 weeks now. i am a 27 years old girl. i insulted last guy i dated in order to hurt him because he told me he didn't feel the urge to see me but didn't hate and kept always replying to me in a nice way but i wanted at least to stay friends as we were after he dumped me. saying "i wish i never met you, i hate you and i regret ever being with you and also that he used me (about the last part he kept saying that he thought there could have been something at the beginning but wasn't like that)

basically all the worst you could ever say to an ex. he replied saying "ok good to know" unfriended me on a social media. i replied saying and wtf i tell you i regreat ever being with you and you reply ok good to know. he then said "i have enough of you accusing of things. its been 9 months. if you can't get over the disappointment, go to a therapist". i read that text, i was about to reply the next morning when i saw he blocked me. i spent the next 2 days sad and numb. even him telling me to go to the therapist. but technically i cannot blame him coz i told him awful things

btw in between i got this new job. i started getting attracted to multiple colleagues of mine, i didn't want to feel this at all. i tried to suppress it. btw never really acted on it, i kept it to myself. then i focused my attention on one colleague and started getting a kind of "crush" (like i was happier when i knew we were working together). we slightly flirted also and could see he was attracted to me. i thought he had the potential to be someone i could have dated personality wise even if he is 2 years younger than me

tonight after we finished work, i found the courage to ask him and other colleague if they wanted to grab a drink. they all say yes included him. we went to this club. he didn't talk to me, literally giving me his shoulders. i spoke with some colleagues that were ok to talk to. he sometimes checked me out (what for?) but then kept from time to time to make fun of me with a girl we work with that i hate. found out not only that this guy i kinda liked (dunno why but i thought truly to give it a go and date him that maybe was going to be worthy it after 11 months from my last ex, 11 months that i didn't find anyone that i might like and so chosen to be single basically) has a girlfriend but also as i had my doubts he has s. with this girl I hate on the side (she was flirting with him at some point too in front of me, i wanted to "die" and run away. that was a nightmare. maybe she figured out i liked him and she did that on purpose to hurt me. she also had s. with another colleague. disgusting beyond imagination.)

thought also he was jealous of me coz he was looking at me while i was laughing with other colleagues in these days. i feel so stupid for believing he felt the same as me. probably he just thought i was a bad girl and flirting with these colleagues too even though i was simply laughing, same as i would have done with a female friend

i feel numb and so sad. i didn't even say good night to him for how pissed off and disappointed i was. wanted to cry but didn't have tears to use. right after this, a part of me would like to relapse but i know i wouldn't. on the 26th August i will celebrate a year of sobriety from p and s. addiction but the desire to hurt me by relapsing is there and it is killing me. no one in my life i can't talk to about this

i wanna vomit from the disgust i feel. i feel awful. i just wanted to grab drinks with these colleagues to try to be in contact with him outside work. i wanna see if i can ask managers to give me shifts whe i don't see her anymore. i really hate her. i have to work in a lovely space. i have to improve my self respect too because this girl did this to me coz of my non existent self esteem. this must stop. i need to be happy. i will show everybody i am much better at the job as her so i can get rid of her

i will start going to my gym everyday i don't work and be on a diet again. tomorrow i don't wanna look sad at work. about the guy i kinda liked, i will talk to him only if needed due to work. that's it. i am done with this bullshit. tried to find a consolation and didn't work, rebound type. i won't hang out with these colleagues anymore. they have no morals, worshipping people sleeping with multiple colleagues. this deeply disgusts me. of all the way tonight could have gone, this wasn't even in the chances. i can't still believe that is what happened. why did this guy behave like this with me? and telling me he wanted to grab a drink and then ignore me? i mean i would have not wanted that at all mainly because of her gf. i am one of the few people nowdays having respect for others' relationships