Virgin until marriage is bullshit

Here's the thing... I don't deny that sexual compatibility is important, to a degree. It would be harder to be with someone who is far less interested in sex than you or far more interested. (First I want to note that "hard" isn't impossible, and it might even be a good growing experience for you as a couple to learn how to compromise, because that's what marriage is all about all the time.) But what I disagree with is that you need to have sex with someone to know if you are compatible or not. That's not true. You can talk about things without doing them. You can discuss how often you think you might want to have sex once you're married, and if she says a couple times a year or something, then I you can call that incompatible and move along to someone else if you'd like.

I still haven't heard anyone here who has argued for the need to have sex before marriage present an actual reason why it's necessary. Aside from tossing out the word "compatibility" without recognizing that a) being sexually incompatible is next to impossible, b) being incompatible just means that you need to work harder and maybe make some compromises, which happens every single day in a marriage, so if you can't handle that then you shouldn't be getting married anyway, and c) you can learn thungs about a person and their sexuality without having sex with them. It's called communication, and its another thing that is very important in a marriage.

 

This!! Communication compatibility is what’s necessary!! It’s the key to healthy and happy relationship as well as good sex! People need to get their priorities straight! It’s no wonder the divorce rates are so damn high!

 

I honestly think that anyone who believes you NEED to have sex before marriage, probably isn't going to have a very great marriage. Marriage is really hard work. Like way harder than people make it seem. So if you're already starting out by essentially saying "I want to know everything possible about you, sexually, so that there are zero surprises and I won't have to make any compromises and I can make an informed decision before committing to you," then you're going to have a lot of issues. You are never going to be able to make a completely informed decision about who you marry. There will always be surprises, and even if you have sex before marriage, there will still be sexual surprises as well. For one, because people change over time, and new relationships are always really exciting. People who are dating or engaged might be doing it like bunnies, but that doesn't mean that's how she's going to be a year from now, or 5 or 10 years down the road. So if all of that scares you, you just shouldn't get married. Don't make a commitment and a vow that you probably won't be able to keep, of you are afraid of not knowing everything and being 100% compatible. You're probably never going to be 100% compatible in every way. That's just not what marriage is like.

 

Except.... if you've remained a virgin until you're married, how much do you know about your own sexuality, to the extent of being able to communicate that to another person? How do you know exactly what you're into and not into without trying? Also, how do you compromise if there's a big difference in libido, which is biologically driven rather than a choice? It can be just as much about understanding yourself as anything else.

I'm not necessarily disagreeing with the gist of your post. Having sex before marriage isn't necessary to have a successful marriage, I know people who waited who are perfectly happy. Its just that I think it makes things easier. At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong answer, its a matter of personal choice.

 

Reason why people dislike their spouses fucking around is because it proves they are not respecting the marriage. Same reason applies before marriage selection. For me woman that shows no signs of capability to be faithful is no good. I really don't care if she has fucked someone. However, if I sense that she is incapable of being trustworthy because of this, I must reject.

 

A lot of westerners are into free sex but we don't do that. It is a taboo and it will make you like a cheap man/woman . I believe in waiting until marriage because that will prevent from STDs and you'll give all your body and soul to your partner. Call me prudist or old fashioned but that is my way of life man I believe it's hard to find virgin women on western countries

 

The idea is good, problem is marriage is outdated and such a gamble it's not even worth it. While comitting to your partner is good it means nothing in the modern era. The chance of divorce is around 50% within the first 10 years. Even if I decide to have a partner to have kids with when I'm older there's no way in hell that I'd marry them because to do so I'd have to willingly make the retarded decision of getting legally married. I'd say replace it with a personal vow, but don't make it so they get half your stuff if things don't work out.

 

It is not bullshit, it is closer to truth than not.

 

Well I am a girl and I personally wish to wait for marriage, I just want to share that part of myself with my husband and no one else. I am doing NoFap mostly bc I want to reduce the built up desire in me to give it away sooner to whoever.

 

I agree with you 100%, I think waiting until marriage is just plain stupid. On paper, it sounds like a good idea but in reality, it's unrealistic and unhealthy.

Despite this choice, I would never ever have sex with a prostitute. Ever. Nor will I seduce random girls into getting cheap thrills. I will only have sex with the girl I like and even though my parents want me to wait, they can't dictate my lifestyle anyways.

Sorry for long rant, I wanted to get this out of my head.

-Captain Rex

 

I am really confused in this subject
Some comments make me feel like a loser regarding virginity
And some hints that I am in the right direction
But still there is no risk in being virgin
While losing it seems to be a headache

 

yh
I agree with you on that. In my first year in college, i would just look at church girls and just admire the way they carry themselves. It was easy for me to believe that they were all virgins.
OHHHHH HOW WRONG I WAS!!

In my own church, the number of "serious Christians" i found out to be sleeping together was alarming. I lost respect for a lot of them. The president and secretary of a prayer group had sex and a sextape was leaked and what was disgusting enough was the fact the did it at their prayer grounds.

To be honest, nobody is perfect but i came to understand that this current society has the fewest virgins (including me ) and is naturally built to have for you to lose your virginity before marriage.

 

I'm really confused by your post. You seem to agree with the statement "staying a virgin until marriage is bullshit" but then you also say that you lost a lot of respect for Christians at your church who didn't remain pure until marriage. So... how can it be both? If you think its dumb to stay a virgin until marriage, then why would you care if Christians at your church do it or dont do it?

 

I don't think staying a virgin until marriage is bullshit, actually, i admire it but all am trying to say is that in today's society, it is very difficult to find girls who are actually virgins, let alone you yourself staying a virgin.
Ultimately, i am saying stick to what you believe but to those who want to remain virgins, accept that fact that you may strive and keep yourself pure but that "church girl" you want to marry is 75% likely to not have kept her purity.
So be a bit open about that.

 

it is hard to find a virgin girl for marriage those days,

 

I currently have 2 girlfriends whom I having sex with.
but for marriage virgin girl is my only choice

 

That's a double standard. If you expect celibacy from a marriage partner you should be actively practicing it yourself.

 

Yes, it is anachronistic. It made sense as a protection for dependant girls in the past, when the high risk of an unwanted child could destroy their lifes and reputation.
It´s a patriarchal idea, that the maiden has to stay "pure, unexperienced and innocent" like a stupid, cute little pet, while the man was tolerated to whore around even in the bible. The first sex is often a dissapointment for both sexes, so if both are very unexperienced, it´s a nearly guaranteed programmed desaster for the later marriage and the sex life. If the man is experienced, it might work better sometimes. But it also arises the question, why should girls be forbidden what boys are even encouraged to do?

Keeping anyone virgin till marriage is a cheesy and paternalistic idea these days, nurtured by nostalgia and sentiment for returning to "good ol´ days". There were no "good ol´ days". The past was different, but for sure not better or even "golden". Especially not for women or children. Compare it to strict islamic countries, where it is still in practice.

 

I guess that's a fair thing to consider, but personally, I dont do things that I know are right because I expect other people to do them, too. If I'm going to stay pure until marriage, which I did, then that's for me and for God. If I ended up marrying someone who hadn't waited, that would be a little disappointing, but it wouldn't have made me feel like my waiting was a bad choice or pointless or something.

Idk, perhaps I'm misunderstanding, but it sounds like what you're saying is that if you waited until marriage and then found out that your girlfriend or fiance hadn't, you would then feel like "well screw this, why did I wait for you if you didn't wait for me?" But that's not really the point of waiting.