Virgin until marriage is bullshit

This is the problem with all the men out there whining about how they can't find a "good girl." Good girls are looking for good guys, that's why you can't find one. They aren't interested in you.

 

? Where in the Bible are men allowed to "whore around"? The command to keep sex within a marriage is not specific to women.

 

This argument always comes up in debates about chastity, and I think it's strange that NOBODY ever turns it around in the other direction.

What I mean by that is... you recognize inequality (i.e. that men are allowed to be sluts and women aren't), and for some reason your solution to that is to allow women to be sluts too. Why not have the solution be to STOP allowing men to be sluts? That would make things equal too, and would be much healthier for everybody.

Also, while I do think, for the most part, male sluts aren't shamed as much as female ones, it is NOT true that there are no negative opinions about men who sleep around all the time. Most women who want a good guy are going to think a guy who sleeps around a lot is a total sleaze ball.

 

Abraham got Hagar to sire a son and send them both off to the desert, after Sara has born him Isaac.
Lot shared the bed drunken with his own daughters.
Tamar disguised as a whore to get pregnant by Judah.
King Salomon loved, in addition to the daughter of Pharaoh, many foreign women, Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations [...] he had 700 official wives and 300 concubines who perverted his mind.

 

Because I believe and fight for the liberty of free will of each individual to decide over their own bodies. Not for restricting laws made by men, justified and reasoned with religion, how people are allowed to have (or not have) sex.

 

The important thing to remember is that in most of these stories the acts are neither celebrated nor condemned, they are simply told as they happened.

When adultery and fornication is mentioned directly in the scripture, it is always condemned.

 

Hell yeah man sex is very important. Sometimes people just don't click. I can't imagine being a virgin and then getting married to a woman to find out that I'm not sexually compatible with them. I smell divorce.

 

If I was dating a girl who was a virgin I'd honestly be a little nervous about it. It wouldn't bother me in any way shape or form, but I'd want to make damn sure she wanted to lose it to me. It's not as big of a deal as I thought it would be, but to some people it can be. There's a girl that I'd like to talk to and she very may well be a virgin, so that would be interesting hahaha.

 

When was it said that any of that was good or acceptable?

Who's talking about laws? Not me... just because I think that people shouldnt have sex outside of marriage doesnt mean I suddenly dont believe in freedom. I also believe people should have the freedom to be prostitutes or fill their bodies with harmful drugs if they want to. Doesnt mean it's a good idea to do so.

 

Theres that term "sexually incompatible" again, and I've still yet to hear anyone ever provide a reasonable definition of what that would even look like. Its completely made up. What is sexually incompatible? What could a woman possibly have down there that wouldn't fit with what you have down there?

 

I think people often mean incompatibility with regards to the kind of sex they'd like to have, in terms preferences and kinks and so forth; but I still don't think the argument stands because a couple can still discuss their desires with one another to gauge compatibility.

 

To both of you, I have written it was tolerated. There are not mentioned any punishments against the men, as in Abrahams case it has been even descripted as a higher divine order.
It was not Lot, who did anything wrong, it were his selfish daughters.(remember, same daughters who "no man has touched before" and who he was willing to offer the rapists of Sodom before)
It was Hagars fault by being rebellious against Sara. It was tricky Tamar by seducing Judah. Or the idolizing women of Salomon,who made him worshipping other gods. But that he seemed to be a quite active biblical Don Juan, if we can trust this part of the text, was not any real problem at all. (700 official women? and 300 concubines? seriously?) Oh, and of course I have forgotten evil mother of all, seduced weak naive Eve, who started all the drama by giving in to the serpent´s proposals and tempting Adam to join her in sin.

Good. I don´t need any marriage at all, but I respect it for anyone who wishes so.

 

Yes, they can discuss them, and also, if you haven't ever had sex before, how are you going to have kinks and preferences? You just figure it out together.

Also, I hate the implication that having a different preference than your partner makes you "incompatible." That's absolutely ridiculous and its everything that is wrong with modern "marriage." Its why the divorce rate is so high. Any slight difference or complication or need for sacrifice and compromise, and boom, you're incompatible, divorce is suddenly the only option. You might as well not get married if that's your perspective, because you've missed the entire point of marriage. If you think it's possible to know everything about your partner before getting married, you're in for a huge surprise. Doesnt matter how long you've been living together or having sex, there are always going to be new things to learn and new compromises to be made.

 

This is reality. Very insightful, thank you!

 

Some people just don't click. I was messing with a girl and she said when she had sex with her ex it just didn't feel right. They didn't have chemistry. Sex is as much emotional as it is physical. Maybe even more so. That's what I meant by that. You would think that anyone could have fun with what they have, but sometimes it just doesn't work.

 

Well... I would want to know what else was wrong with that girl's relationship with her ex. Because I'm sorry, I just dont believe that everything else was perfect but somehow the sex was terrible and there was no chemistry.

You recognize that sex is emotional as well as physical. So... perhaps those two people were incompatible in other ways, emotionally, which made the sex not enjoyable. Obviously theres a reason they broke up, and I doubt it was solely because of sex. I'm just not convinced that two people in an otherwise loving and healthy and good relationship could end up getting married and then finding out "oh crap, having sex with you is awful." I just dont see that ever happening. It seems a rather silly and illogical concept to me.

Essentially this conversation is about waiting until marriage and whether or not that's a good idea. Your stance is basically that it's not wise to get married without having sex because you might not be compatible. But my question is, how likely do you honestly think it is for that to happen? It seems highly highly unlikely to me. Not to mention the fact that sex isn't all about chemistry and having the best, most mind-blowing orgasm every time. Sometimes that's just not how it is and that doesnt mean it's time to get divorced. That's a very feelings-based view point, and that will always lead to failed relationships. You are never going to find someone you feel 100% compatible with all the time. It's just not possible.

 

A wide-set, loose floppy vagina isn’t going to be satisfied by a man with a 3 inch skinny dick (for example). Another example would be one partner wanting extremely passionate sex with kissing, soft touches, cuddling and whatnot, while the other partner prefers rough / mechanical sex with little to no intimacy. This isn’t rocket science. You need to figure all that out before hand.

 

All of those things can be worked out. And your second example would likely be very easy to discover through conversation and other physical imtamacy outside of sex. Someone who wants rough, mechanical sex all the time isn't going to be a soft/cuddly person. You dont need to have sex with them to see that.

Honestly, these are all just excuses to make it seem like going against what's right because it's more fun and enjoyable is "necessary." Its not necessary. It might make things a bit easier in some situations, but it's very far from being necessary. It's only necessary if you dont understand what marriage is all about and aren't ready to make compromises and learn and grow with another person, in which case the point is moot because you shouldn't be getting married anyway.

 

Honestly, I think most people who say that staying a virgin until marriage is dumb or unhealthy just think it's too hard and want to make themselves feel better for not doing it by saying that anyone who does it is dumb, or that it's impossible.

It's not impossible, and it certainly wasn't dumb for me or my sister or tons of other people. So... if you dont want to do it, that's fine, but dont pretend it's because it's a stupid decision or not possible. Just be honest and say that you just dont want to. If everyone remained pure until marriage, we would have no STDs, no single teen mothers, probably much fewer abortions and kids up for adoption. That's not dumb. That speaks for itself. The STD issue alone speaks for itself.

 

Not always. There is such thing as “irreconcilable differences” and sexual incompatibility falls into that category. All I can say is, if you’re not happy with your marriage (no matter what the reason) you should be able to leave it. Looking down on people who end their relationships is stupid. They’ve decided to make a positive change in their lives by making themselves and their happiness a priority.