Urges - First 3 days.

Man, do I understand how that feels...

I'm going to tell you the truth about urges, but you're probably not going to like the answer, initially... The urges never really go away as far as I can tell. They're always going to be there. Even after a 90 day reboot, I still get strong urges to slip back into my old habits sometimes. So, that aspect of it doesn't get better. However, things do get better. Your urges might not go away, but you learn how to live with them. You learn how to navigate around them and find a place for them in your headspace.

After a while, I started thinking of my addiction as this evil little goblin in my head. This is a useful technique because it separates the addiction from yourself, making it easier to recognize. The goblin is mostly okay up in my head, but every once in a while he needs to eat, and the only thing that feeds him is watching porn. However, he never seems to get full. No matter how much porn I watch, I know he'll be begging me to watch some more the next day, or maybe even within the next few hours. The thing that I had to realize is that my urges to watch porn belong to him, not to me, and that I don't have to feed him. He throws a tantrum about it, and sometimes he tries to make me feel really bad about it, too. However, I just have to remember that he eats porn. So, whenever I refuse to give in to my urges, he goes hungry, and he gets a little weaker. At this point, he's so weak that he hardly even bothers me anymore. Sometimes, he gets some energy from god-knows-where, and he'll throw another "I want porn" temper tantrum, but I'm at a point where I can just laugh it off. He's so pathetic, and his little screams and fits don't really have any affect on me any more. I feel like I've made friends with that little goblin in my head, and I hope that one day he just goes to sleep and never wakes back up.

So, the moral of that cheesy little story is that... Yes, it will get better. Your own little goblin will get weaker and weaker as long as you don't feed him. I know that's easier said than done, but I hope it answers your question nonetheless.

 

I want you to write down on paper how you felt after you pmo in the past and when those urges come look at your list and ask yourself is it realy worth pmo ? by the way I still get urges even after 300 days I learned acting out is not worth the feelings afterword, YOU CAN DO THIS

 

I absolutely know where you're coming from, @LetsdothisK! I had a 42-day streak going (1st try at this) and got a bit too complacent. I'm at 10 days into my new streak.

I found that the first week after my reset, the urges were freakin' brutal! Just awful and worse than what I experienced in my first reboot. They did eventually calm down with more time. Like I said, I'm 10 days sober now and the urges I feel are much, much milder. Of course, your experience could be different, but I wanted to let you know that the intensity will likely pass in a week or so, if it goes for you like it did for me. Stay strong! Keep doing what you do to counteract the urges and triggers. Definitely start a reboot journal! I've found that to be a great tool!

Also, you may want to check out a site called Covenant Eyes dot com. Let me start by saying I do not get paid or anything else for telling people about them; I do it because it is one freakin' amazing tool and it's incredibly helpful. And, they are very familiar with NoFap, have excellent customer service phone reps who will spend as much time as you need answering your questions.

CE is an app that serves as a filter/blocker on all your devices. It also sends a report to whoever you choose to be your accountability partner on the app. The report includes your activity across all your devices. It will tell your AP if you tried to access porn or p-subs and then you can have a helpful conversation about it.

In my own experience, the AP I do it with and I have had GREAT success. We both make our livings on the Internet and damn if CE doesn't keep us on the path! I've now got 10 days (like I mentioned) and he's over 20 days. Another one of my APs had a bad relapse and remembered reading about CE in my journal. He got on it and has been sober for 3 days even though he was struggling to make it to just one day. Two of my other APs are going through a tough time with relapses and I told them about it. They're looking into it.

I'll add that it is a subscription site, but at @$15USD per month, it's a steal for the help it gives in recovery.

You got this, brother! Whether you do CE or not, I know you will find a way. Remember back to that 60-day streak! Draw energy from how good that felt and how much your life changed. Remember all you learned from it (including not getting too over-confident this time around) and use those skills! We're all in this together and I know you can do it!