Turning away from porn. Choosing healthy alternatives.

Hi,

I'm new here. I've never thought about joining a community to work through my stuff with -- but I'm hopeful and willing to try it.

I've tried to break free with varying degrees of success for small streaks here and there, but have never gone a whole year without it. I think that's my goal, to at least get to 1 year.

I've been using porn since I was first exposed to it at 14. I think over time I've noticed I'm less interested in porn itself, but more defaulting to using it to escape negative emotions and feelings (or lack of feeling).

As a result, my taste in what I'm looking for got more specific. I've also noticed that I know what my triggers are, and have yet to build specific new pathways in my brain for when they happen.

Now that I'm married, I see the impact my choice to turn to porn has on my wife. It has caused me to be less interested in physical intimacy with her, even though our friendship and closeness is growing. She's voiced that this is very difficult for her, and I can't help but notice how porn impacts our sex life and intimacy.

I also hope to one day have kids! And feel it is important to do the hard work of becoming healthy before I'm responsible for little ones.

And finally, I'm a Christian and have been for a very long time. Porn has been a huge source of shame and disconnect. It slows me down from connecting with God in a relational way, and believing that I have worth - which I've experienced before in amazing ways earlier on. I know that God doesn't hold my choices against me, but I also know that He wants me to learn how to choose a healthier way of living for the sake of myself and those close to me.

So these are my goals.

1) No PMO for:

1 week (or 7 days)
2 weeks (or 15 days)
3 weeks (or 21 days)
1 month (or 30 days)
2 months (or 60 days)
MILESTONE -- 3 months (or 90 days) - Habit Forming.
MILESTONE -- 6 months (or 180 days) - Strengthening habits.
MILESTONE -- 1 year (or 365 days) +

2) For the first 2 weeks, develop a rhythm of meditation/journaling and daily logs here on unhealthy patterns and my plans to rewire healthy outlets for these things. From there, I'll see if I need to keep daily logs going or if I can make them weekly. This is more important to me than strict abstinence and 'gaining a streak'. I want to become healthy in my inner world, not simply ascetic.

3) Every time I'm triggered, I'm going to add to my daily logs as a way to remind myself of challenges on the journey out.

Thanks for reading!

 

Thanks for the encouragement, friend! It's been helpful to read through different stories and perspectives on here