Like porn, cutting is a maladaptive coping mechanism that can serve multiple functions. It comes from a psychological disturbance the cutter does not know how to resolve, so they turn it into a physical pain they do know how to deal with. There’s also a component if self-loathing in it. It can also be used as attention seeking or a “cry for help,” leaving a physical wound representing an emotional one. Cutting is a mechanism associated with age, usually with teenagers to young adults, more than with gender. Like the dopamine rush with porn, self-injury carries a rush of endorphins and an immediate sensation that easily distracts from the problem the cutter is avoiding. And similar to porn, the original problem doesn’t go away just because they distracted themselves for a moment. Neither cutting or porn is a sufficient substitute for identifying the problem, coming up with a plan to resolve it, and executing that plan. I knew a cutter, but she wasn’t particularly interested in working on herself. She seemed to prefer the attention she received from naturally concerned friends, and when they caught on to her lies and manipulations, she’d move on and make new friends.
I know a number of cutters addicted to self-harm from my other forum. Men and women. My son went to the psych ward twice because of it. Self-harm is just as addicting as any other behavior or substance.
Life with a borderline is never boring. For some of us, the drama is attractive. At least at first. After 35 years, it gets old. It is extremely difficult for borderlines to find healing, but it is possible. My wife is light years ahead of where she was 20 years ago when a therapist suggested she might have BPD. Many times I thought about leaving her because everything I read was pretty hopeless when it came to BPD.
When I was younger and didn’t know squat because of no life experiences, I would’ve agreed that Borderlines are an attraction. After having nearly destroyed my life by a Borderline now looking back, I’ve no interest in anyone with any slight signs she’s a Borderline.
Agreed. Had I known I probably would have chosen differently. We said for better or worse. We’ve definitely had worse, but we are having better.
She has not. But constantly accused me for years. I eventually did, partly because I was already accused of it anyway. She was brutally sexually abused for years as a kid. So sex isn’t something she has much interest in.
That’s crazy man…so she basically spoke reality into being by constantly accusing you of it. Wild… Does she know you cheated on her?
She knows about the guy from 7 years ago. I only hooked up with him a couple times. She doesn’t know about the last 18 month hookup binge.
[QUOTE="Moderator edit; content removed.[/QUOTE] I can’t say with 100% certainty, but abuse all fits well with everything else.