Trigger Trigger everywhere

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Qnb42078, Sep 21, 2018.

  1. Qnb42078

    Qnb42078 Fapstronaut

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    SOOOO things have been progressing VERY well here . Yesterday I handled a trigger in a way I haven’t before while in the trigger . My SO was home for an hour before my son and I ( he had a XC meet ) I knew he was going to not make the meet in time from work so he went straight home . He let me know this at noon ( meet at 4:30 ) . The old me would have been triggered from the the start of the threat ( him telling me he was going home ) I did OK for the day . I self talked and was very present at the meet . I get home walk in the door and he’s on the couch with laptop open , asleep sitting up lol . Ofcourse my first thought given everything we have been talking about was “ he should have known better and know that would have triggered me “
    I made a nice meal and really tried to be present during it , but I was triggered and had one word answers or atleast barely involved in the conversation. Upset with myself that this is me . Upset that my mind was swirling on what to say when . My son finished up eating and left the table . We finished up . I looked at him and said “ I know I’ve been quiet I’d like to share why , I explained the trigger , how I’ve made progress controlling them and how surprised I was that I was THAT affected, I got emotional and he started tearing up a lil , I told him my initial thought of he should have know better . He listened to my trigger talked through it with me , started to give me a list of what he did with the hour he was alone , I explained I DONT NEED THE LIST , I need a hand on mine and simply just say “ I’m sorry you were / are triggered but I’m good I was good , all boundaries in check . He handled it the way I needed though . No defense whatsoever, he said “ I’m listening, I’m understanding everything, I’m getting it . I explained that had he gotten defensive during my trigger like last time in March it literally would erase most of the work we’ve done . Do I wish he knew better ? Yes ! But he says he literally didn’t even think of it and wanted to get bills done so we can have more time together at night . That was long lol but progress was shown not just spoken and I told him how much that means to me ;)
     
  2. ComplexRiddle

    ComplexRiddle Fapstronaut

    Wow. For what it's worth, well done to both of you. You managed to keep it together, and he didn't get all defensive and hadn't relapsed (even if he gave you that impression...)
     
  3. Lost Identity

    Lost Identity New Fapstronaut

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    I'm just beginning this journey. I desperately want to learn to control my own emotional reaction to the triggers. Thanks for posting.
     
  4. Qnb42078

    Qnb42078 Fapstronaut

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    For a long time , they WILL control YOU . Sign up for the BLOOM for women free stuff , so so so helpful <3
     
    hope4healing likes this.

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