[TRIGGER] Thinking of buying pantyhose and living out fantasies as I'm moving out

You won't regret it if you don't act out, that's just the addict part of you trying to make you give in. Don't listen to that voice. You said yourself that you'll get depressed if you do, so don't. If you life sucks, don't use coping mechanisms to make yourself feel better, do things that ACTUALLY make your life better.

 

Sounds like you're in the trenches now. So, I wish you well.

If you want my two-cents, the worst depression in the world is NOT worth the best O in the world. Addicts often feel like they 'aren't themselves' when they aren't indulging. Something is missing, they are 'missing out'. I think we can all relate to this. In this case PMO fills that gap, and allows us to be ourselves. Amazing right?!

What if I told you that PMO only fills that gap, because it created that gap. It solves a problem that it created. And by stopping PMO, yes it will suck, but stopping PMO for long enough also means that the gap it created will close - and you will find your true self again.

It's also important to note that we aren't addicted to cross-dressing, or sissy P (SP), or even regular PMO. We are addicted to the dopamine spike that it provides! You don't want to crossdress, you want the dopamine that the excitement provides. Please, do some research into 'supernormal stimuli' - Basically, P, junk food, social media, are all exaggerated ways to fulfil our 'monkey brain' desires. But they are so over the top, so extreme, that they result in unnatural dopamine spikes, making anything else seem bland, boring, plain. The solution to living a happy life is simple: cut out super-stimuli, and use those tools to your advantage, don't let the corporations that create them use you.

So, what would make your life better? You already know that answer. You don't need a test to find out what you desire, what you need to change. It is all clear to you, deep down, what you need to do. The question is whether you will do it. Our brains have changed very little over the last 50,000 years. But life even 150 years ago was drastically different to life today. We aren't prepared for life in the 21st century, but here we are.

My advice is to try going 90-days completely PMO free. Go monk-mode. Give it everything. If after those 90-days you still feel the desire to cross-dress, I wish you well. If you don't, then you know it was only your addiction to dopamine causing the desire. Cross-dressing goes way back before P was invented, there is nothing wrong with it! But if it makes you feel depressed afterwards, that is a very clear sign that it is a P, or dopamine induced desire.

Good luck my friend. I hope you find happiness.

 

I have been watching sissy content for about 6 years now and one thing I realized is the fun will not last forever. One day you will grow old and ugly and all of that crap wont mean a thing anymore, not that it ever did to begin with. I want a wife and kids some day and if I pursue the path of a sissy I will never have those things I truly desire. One of the grossest things to me is seeing middle aged men dressed as women.

 

Don't do it. I understand, even though I'm not into that at all, I know what it is to set aside your only source of pleasure in life. But as you said, you will just be more miserable at the end of the road. It's really a short term view.

Do you watch a lot of sissy/hypno video ?

 

There is SO MUCH WISDOM in these observations! You might deny them, or fight against them, but based on my own experience, they are the truth. Based on some of your responses, it sounds to me like your dopamine-addled brain is trying to argue and rationalize.

To me, rationalizing is the most potent weapon my brain has to "talk me into" misbehaving. You know:

"Just a little peek"
"You're strong, you can stop any time"
"You've earned a break"
"What's wrong with a little (insert specifics here)? Its not hurting anyone."

Bottom line is, you're either on the right path or you're not. Falling off the path may not be fatal ("I can always start again"), but so many people just live in a cycle of struggling and failing.

In my experience, temptation comes in waves. For me, it's like every 5-6 days, it builds and peaks. Your experience may differ, but if you learn to look at it as just surviving the next wave, you can be confident that it will break, and you'll have some relief on the other side.

Good luck!

 

Is it possible that you have a feet/nylon fetish? It would make sense for this to quickly turn into you wearing the nylon socks, as our brains release more dopamine as we do something 'risky' or 'taboo' - that's how many of us end up into sissy or trans content. Things just escalate.

It's totally normal to have a fetish for feet/nylon/women's clothing. Our ancestors used to cross dress all of the time. It's also somewhat normal to feel depressed after indulging in our fetishes, and the reason behind that is deep but I'll try to summarise. As you may or may not know, fetishes typically originate from childhood trauma, not always, but typically. For example, my sissy urges certainly come from never being 'good enough' for my dad. It just is what it is. Our brains develop fetishes as a sort of coping mechanism for this, and we never actually handle the problem that kickstarted it all in the first place. My guess would be that indulging in a fetish that covers up past trauma, may cause that trauma to come back to the surface subconsciously.

I didn't want to assume that you have had any traumatic experiences, but I did think that you may find it interesting or helpful. Unfortunately, it can take time to determine the exact cause of our negative fetishes. And that sucks. But, this is what improving yourself feels like. It isn't easy.

I also did some research below and found some info here: https://psychcentral.com/disorders/fetishism-symptoms#what-is-it

It isn't easy, but if I were in your position I would look further into Transvestic disorder, which does seem to correlate with what you've told us. Because you're on NoFap, I would also of course advise you to, at the minimum, avoid P all together. P simply isn't good for a life well lived. Lastly, I'd see a therapist. Specifically, a sexual therapist. Depending on your age and location there are usually free therapists that can help you - you'd be amazed at how much just chatting with someone can help you. I never actually told my therapist anything of substance, but speaking out loud always allowed me to internally connect the dots and solve my root problems. I would not be where I am today if it weren't for my therapist, even though he likely had no idea the extent of my reason to be there.

Best of luck with your journey. Please, try to put lifelong happiness above short-term. Think about yourself laying in your hospital bed surrounded by friends and family. Do you want to look back on a life of regret? A great technique when in moments like these is to visualise your funeral after 90 years (dark, I know.) What would you want people to remember about you? What would you want people to say about you? Did you live your best life, wearing your heart on your sleeve, were you kind and thoughtful? Did you dedicate your life to something you were deeply passionate about? What will be your legacy? We don't live for long but we impact the rest of history through the people we interact with.

Whatever you decide to do, keep this in mind.

 

The fact that you would wear a condom while doing this tells something. Youre not using it for its intended purpose. Condoms and all the other stuff are sexual objects, so because of that it gives you a lot of dopamine. You keep feeding these feelings by continuing to think about them and want them. You HAVE to get a substitute hobby ASAP. Your brain is programmed to want that since theres nothing else seemingly going on in your life. Consider that your step 1. If you relapse, try to do it ONLY to vanilla stuff. Only worry about preventing escalation.

 

I wish i could be more helpful, but i dont know what else there is to say. Youre in really deep. Whats motivating me to stop is that i want to be a mature, masculine man and a good person. I want a girlfriend more than anything and im order for that to happen i cant be a perverted sexual degenerate. Theres other areas i need to improve in as well, such as emotianl intelligence.
So what is your goal? It seems like youre not motivated to stop beyond the need to keep up appearances for the sake of income. You have to find why youre even fighting this. Personally, the more i relapse, the more disgusting i feel, the more i feel the need to get away from all of this shit. Whats stopping you from giving it your all?

 

Best of luck for yoyr journney...

 

You've got some great responses, and I think this one above in particular is worth another read.

OP you said

and this sums up your situation quite well.

It's not easy to fix, but it is simple. You need to build a life you don't want to escape.

I went through a CD phase in my teens and 20s. It was obsessive, and escalated to the point where I was trying to arrange encounters, changing my mind at the last minute, throwing all my outfits and stuff out, before restarting the cycle the next week. It was the most empty time of my life.

I say all that because it's a common pattern. Lots of guys go through this. Cross dressing may be a fun hobby as well, but if it's literally ruining your life then it's time to move on.

Just know lots of us, myself included, have been real into this and made it out without wanting to go back.

And one last thing, as you're currently in the midst of lots of artificial stimulation, you can't actually trust what feels great or not for the moment. What might be a great hobby for you might seem boring if your brain is literally out of normal calibration.

Try to use porn as little as possible. And if you go there, try vanilla, even solo pictures instead of video will significantly reduce your stimulation and let you get back to real life quicker. Give it some time for life to feel good again!