The worry is porn will ALWAYS be appealing?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, May 5, 2019.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I've been on this journey for a good few years now. Had a lot of streaks and a lot of relapses. I do think that I can feel the addiction to porn and artificial sexual stimulation weakening a lot of the time. But the worry is I don't think it takes much at all to reactivate it. Like it takes much longer for the urge to view porn to weaken than what it takes to activate it. I could literally see something for a second and something as simple as that could activate it and I could be hit with extreme urges.

    Most guys who don't have an addiction to porn or don't have porn related brain changes still find it highly appealing to view porn or look at artificial sexual stimulation. Artificial sexual stimulation to anybody that doesn't know is things like social media images of hotties, google images of hotties, youtube videos of hotties, and of course what is categorised as porn content. If you're deliberately searching and looking at something artificial for any form of sexual thrill, then this is what is damaging. So deliberately searching and looking at social media images that turn you on, and searching and looking at what is categorised as porn content that turns you on, understand that the exact same thing is happening in the brain when you do both of these. The porn content might overall be more arousing than the social media images, but understand if they both turn you on and you deliberately search and look at them, then the exact same thing is happening in the brain from the social media images as what's happening from the porn.

    How many guys on the planet at the very least will go on their smart phone and start flicking through images of hotties on social media sites and what not? I would say most men in the world who have access to a smart phone and social media will do this. So what I am saying is how difficult is it permanently stop doing things like this?

    I don't use a smart phone, and I have extreme porn blockers/artificial sexual stimulation blockers on my computer and internet. I have made it a way it's near impossible to bypass without a lot of hassle. If I have the password I can access it. But the password is a long code 30 digit mostly symbol password that would be very difficult to remember off by heart, and I keep this password at a different location. But I have sometimes went and got this password to get on porn, mostly always when I have been hungover from alcohol, because for some reason a hangover from alcohol seems to make me so horny it is unbelievable. A lot of the time when I have been hungover I have spent an entire day PMO binging and then after that I block it all again.

    But anyway my main worry is without these blocks I use I really don't think I would be able to stay off of porn. I think I would relapse on it much more. But I honestly think this could be a permanent thing, like it won't ever matter how long I am away from it, if I can access it then I will always want to go on it. I can't exactly use extreme blockers forever. I don't want to go through my entire life constantly battling to stay off porn.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2019
  2. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I think you need to be empowered personally.

    Think about this.

    You see an image of a voluptuous milking cow with big teets. But that Pic does nothing for you.

    You see a picture of a really cute hen with nice legs.
    No sex appeal you say ?

    Then you see a pic of a curvy hog ... and man is she curvy like Kardashian but no arousal at all.

    The pic does not do anything for you because you did not give it permission. Any pict can make you excited if you let it. Conversely you need to attack the pic in your mind to reclaim control over your assumption.

    If you see a hot pair of legs then look up and see your sister.... Yuck right ?

    Nothing wrong with blockers but you need to install it in your head not just your devices.
     
  3. vendamone

    vendamone New Fapstronaut

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    From my short experience here I would say read the success stories here whenever you feel like watching porn. They really help.
     
  4. ace1234

    ace1234 Fapstronaut

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    Porn will always be porn. You weren't addicted to porn before you knew it existed. It aroused you then, so it will continue to arouse you later on.

    I think the key is preventing arousal. Need4realchng said it well. After a while nofap strengthens your ability to choose what gets you aroused.

    I think porn aids fantasy. We let fantasy arouse us because we want to be with someone. Porn comes in because we want that fantasy to be real, so we start looking for it.

    I quit smoking because it made me feel bad, made me smell bad, and gave me headaches. I am trying the same approach by focusing on the negatives.

    It takes mental effort, but when done really works.
     
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  5. Chappo030891

    Chappo030891 Fapstronaut

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    thats an intersting perspective, my friend. well said.
     
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  6. Chappo030891

    Chappo030891 Fapstronaut

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    Yes man, it will always be appealing. the reason most people here go through the same toxic cycle over and over again is that we are unable to find the void that is being filled by PMO. Once we identify the void and work on it, i thin we have a great chance of curing this addiction, Like any habit, this can be broken too! Believe in the power of Human Will!!! I want to!
     
  7. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Porn won't always be appealing and this is where 99.9999% of the nofap people mess up. They spend months or years trying to do "streaks" to avoid porn, which is so much effort wasted.

    The point is not to run away from porn, but to change the connection in your head where 1. porn = arousal and 2. arousal = masturbation. Porn should not be arousing for you in the first place and even if you get aroused in general, you should not masturbate.

    Nobody will agree with me because they're way too caught up in the current paradigm of nofap, but the solution to your porn problem is to first accept that watching others have sex should not be interesting and arousing to you and that masturbation is abnormal, especially so if you watch another dude f%% the woman you like. Then you actually have to watch porn and intentionally not get aroused. Porn to you should be as uninteresting as watching paint dry. You have to get back and watch your favorite scenes but see them differently and not get aroused.

    I've been trying to do nofap for 6 years in the "classic" way and i kept failing. I've been doing this exposure therapy for a couple of months and i can watch porn and not get aroused, it's just become boring for me. I can run porn in the background and work, it doesn't distract me. I started losing the ability to sexually fantasize. I don't get wet dreams anymore. I want actual sex now, not bs.
     
  8. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    @ultrafabber we are saying the same thing.

    The connotation of porn = desire needs to change to porn= boring, same scenes , same dumb endings, same fake bad acting.
     
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  9. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    We are saying the same thing but i'm also saying that you actually have to actually watch porn to defeat your porn addiction, but you have to watch it differently by not getting aroused and acknowledging what's really happening - you're in a room with two people that have sex and the woman you want gets f$ by another man.
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2019
  10. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I don't agree with some of what's been said in answer so far. I agree with you that, as porn addicts, we will always find porn incredibly arousing, but I can reassure you that as you pull yourself through the difficult early days you get further and further away from porn. I am sure that if I closed NoFap and opened a porn site instead I would be overwhelmed with the sense of arousal, even after my 938 day streak. But the big difference is the lure. Whereas at the start of my sobriety I felt a constant pull, a constant visceral temptation to look at porn, now, most of the time, I find it easy to resist.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2019
  11. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    No. Please stop repeating that.

    I was a hardcore porn addict. Started at 12yo, am 31 now. I used to masturbate to porn up to 6-7 times per day.

    Now I watch porn and it doesn't arouse me at all, it's just boring and weird.
     
  12. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    @ultrafabber, we are never going to agree, partly because our experiences differ so much and partly because I suspect we are doing this for very different reasons. I am hoping to never watch porn again in my life, and so your sentence:

    makes absolutely no sense to me.

    Still, @skaterdrew, you have heard lots of different angles on this. What do you think now?
     
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  13. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Sorry I see your point.

    Mmmm have you ever watched a man fuck a woman live? On stage?
    That’s technically porn too, and in my opinion theoretically watching it on screen or in real life one should not find it arousing using your point.

    I have seen it. It’s hard to turn off the atttaction
     
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  14. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Why would you find arousing that the woman you're attracted to gets f$% by another man? Why would you stand next to her while she's getting f$% by someone else? Why would you masturbate next to two people having sex, especially next to the woman you find attractive? That's exactly the perspective you have in porn.

    There is no reason to get aroused seeing a woman you want get f%%. That's cuckold territory.

    I don't care if we agree or not, i'm pointing out that what you're saying is wrong. A hardcore porn addict is not bound to always be aroused by porn. You can and should not be aroused by porn and i did just that.
     
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  15. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    I also find it extremely hard to resist during hangovers, I think it is an after effect of alcohol because alcohol also pumps up your dopamine levels making you more impulsive. I really love getting drunk though so it's a tricky one for me. When I'm sober i often feel like I don't have a problem with porn but then when i get hungover it reveals that that cancerous mind infection is still lurking there. I also dont want to give up drinking because I really enjoy it so I've found it's good to play video games and work to distract myself.

    But yeah the hangover's man... it's like urges x 1000, by far the most difficult times to resist. Stay strong brother. Let me know if you find any other ways to beat the hangover urges!
     
  16. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    No I haven't and i would not want to see it. Actually seeing it in real life would turn me off even faster.
     
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  17. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I hear you. I agree with I think your underlying point... eyeballs don’t force hands to jack off.

    The mind, freed or enslaved does that.

    Overexerting in guarding your eyes does not fix the minds’ weaknesses.

    If makes me think of something I have akways wondered: do blind ppl suffer from pmo ?
     
  18. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    I've been 1.5 years free from porn without blockers whatsoever. As the guy above says, it's the mind, or more precisely, the heart, that wins over porn addiction. If you do not really want to conquer porn addiction, you'll never conquer it. It takes a spirit burning with determination to end porn addiction. If you keep falling back, find yourself watching porn over and over, you don't truly want to end it. If you keep watching, it's because you want to watch. Simple as that. It's all mind over matter. An urge starts in the mind and it's the mind that has to end the urge, never the body. Never blame hormones or whatever. The moment you feel powerless and weaker than porn, you have already lost. To conquer porn addiction is to fully understand porn, the implications that come with this sort of addiction, which aren't as innocent as some would have you believe. The truth is, each time you allow yourself to watch, you become more of an animal, less of a human, because every time you watch, you train the primitive part of your brain and weaken the evolved part, the neocortex. It's been now scientifically proven that an advanced sex/porn addiction causes grey matter loss in the brain's frontal lobes. So you as an addict will need to ask yourself the question if porn is really worth it. Porn addicts always lose, they never win. Researching and especially connecting the dots in your own life (not some other guy's life on here) is what can serve as the determination you need on your way to freedom. It's not because you can watch porn that you should. This is where perception comes in. You need to study your own thoughts, and realize that instead of thinking that porn is great and you need to see it and climax and feel depressed afterwards, there's another option: realizing you are free not to watch porn. Realizing that no one can ever force you to watch porn and that just because porn exists, doesn't mean you should watch it, can be extremely liberating, because it will switch your perception and power from the temptation towards where it belongs: in your own shoes. This is the single most important thing: to realize that you are stronger than porn if you want to be stronger than porn. The part of you that regrets seeing porn just after climax, is the part of you that originates in the divine, the universal guidance. Don't ever allow yourself to feel powerless because you are stronger than you think. Each time you are tempted, you have the final say, never porn. You can let your light shine bright or choose to let the darkness overpower you, but in the end the choice is always a personal one. Never allow yourself to think that porn is too strong to overcome because it's not. Porn is nothing when compared to your connection with the divine. All you really need to do is to find ways of empowering this higher self. Read, read, read. Go after the scientific stuff, books such as the Hacking of the American Mind, Your Brain on Porn or the stuff concerning erototoxicity on Dr. Judith Reisman's site. Knowledge is power. It's only when you get to know your enemy that you'll be able to fully rationalize, to understand how it has you where it wants: addicted, dependent. With this understanding will come the determination you so desperately need.
    Hope it helps.
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2019
  19. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    You always regret seeing porn, even while watching it. It's just that the pleasure from arousal is greater than the disgust when you give in to porn.

    It gets even trickier because sexual arousal and anger/disgust etc are both sharing the same pathway so your body can't really tell the difference and can't notice the anger/disgust, it just interprets it as more pleasure/arousal. That why so many end up escalating the porn use... because disgust/anger etc can fuel arousal.

    End of the line, porn is disturbing all the time and rightfully so, it's completely abnormal to get sexually aroused seeing the woman you like get f%#$.

    The sentiments you get post masturbation are the same during the act itself.

    Good question.

    Dunno, i just asked on a forum.
     
  20. ace1234

    ace1234 Fapstronaut

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    So well said. Thank you. This is the correct perspective. Im sure of it.
     

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