The rational male. Dating and dealing with women

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by margun, Sep 6, 2018.

  1. margun

    margun Fapstronaut

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    I m currently reading "the rational male" books by Rollo Tomassi. A book I reccomend to everyone. Especialy Young men and youth. I talks a lot about plate teqnique wich is a way of experimenting With women to find the woman you really want. You have to learn to balance many different Girls in order to find a good match. The goal is to make them Accept the fact that you are seeing order Girls. This awakens the competition anxiety in the Girls and that will make you even morte valuable in their eyes. Some might reject you and Call you a player, but the right Girls will stay and fight for Your attention.

    "Women would rather share a high value man than be saddled With a faithful looser"

    What are Your thoughts on this and what has worked and not worked in regards to dating? would love learn of other experiences and ways of doing it.
     
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  2. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    On the other hand, you can say the right girl will stay and fight for your attention even if you're a "loser" and value you because you're faithful.
    I think you're talking about guppy syndrome, though. It might be fine to date several women at once, but I think most guys will eventually get bored of it and want to go steady with one.
     
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  3. margun

    margun Fapstronaut

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    Im not saying some men are loosers, niether are Rollo. He is saying that all men can be valuable, but it Depends on Your actions. He dont want Young men to fall to the trap of monogomy at a Young age. Cause they will risk being With someone that destroys them just to acheive their intimacy. (sex) . He thinks men should experinece more before they settle. Im just talking about the book. Im one of those who has fallen for this trap as Rollo says. Im in my first relationship With the girl that also took my virginity. Im just interested in seeing if someone has tried this or has any onter valuable experiences when it comes to this topic.
     
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  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    lol I’m a 40 year old female who has dated a ton and this is a total load of bs! I don’t compete! Women with any semblance of self esteem don’t compete.
     
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  5. FlyingPizza

    FlyingPizza Fapstronaut

    I'm a woman, but I have been wanting to read Tomassi's books for a while now. I'll do so next year, after I knock down other titles in my to-read list.

    This might be a suitable strategy if you're just looking to fool around, but I don't think it would work for long term relationships. Would you be okay knowing that the girl you've been dating for a month is also seeing, kissing, and probably sleeping with other dudes? Quite frankly, I wouldn't. At the very least, I would think she's not really long-term relationship material or not looking for one.

    Furthermore, there are other ways you can ensure your partner perceives you as more valuable. To begin with, don't stop developing yourself: keep going to the gym, keep learning new skills, strive to be honorable, pursue your passions, have some time scheduled every day for yourself and no one else, etc. A lot of people get complacent in long term relationships, and so they start taking their partner for granted. Don't let your partner become the center of your life. Make your life and your growth a priority.

    I don't think it's necessary to date several girls to instill a sense of competition. To begin with, women won't generally compete against each other and we are VERY selective, so the average guy probably won't be getting that many dates to begin with. Develop yourself and become valuable. Only then will other people perceive you as valuable.
     
  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If you have to trick or convince someone to be with you, you're going to have to trick and convince them to be with you for the entirety of your relationship.

    You shouldn't have to awaken anybody's competition anxiety. You are who you are, they are who they are, and if you don't mutually find value in each other, then you're not right for each other.

    Does "I'm not good enough, I have to trick them to stay with me" sound empowering to you?
     
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  7. SuperFurryThing

    SuperFurryThing Fapstronaut

    I don't know anything about dating, but this sounds pretty interesting, might have to check it out

    Edit: Purchased!
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2018
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  8. margun

    margun Fapstronaut

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    Im not saying this is the only way of doing it. Im just telling about the content in the book. So dont blame me lol. But thank you so much for feedback.
     
  9. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Right you may meet women not the right women
     
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  10. margun

    margun Fapstronaut

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    Avsolutely agree. But i also think that women often dont notice the cometition anxiety. It is a real thing, but it can be acheived by men in many ways. Not only by sleeping With other women. If you are in a long term relationship you can increase you value by going to the gym (getting fit), acheiving success at work and in you profession. All this will increase Your value and make you more attractive for Your girlfriend and other women. This will make Your girlfriend relize that she needs to fight for Your atention and treat you With love and respect if she wants to keep Your love. This also goes the other way around, but the book focuses more on men than women. Therefor the title. "The rational male".
     
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  11. margun

    margun Fapstronaut

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    I think you misunderstood my point. Its not about tricking anyone. Its not about playing anyone. I really reccomens you to read the blog or read the book. I dont agree With everythinh he says, but it has opened my eyes for New ideas and given me something to think about. I dont think we know as much as we should about the way we act whwn it comes to attraction and affection.
     
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  12. SuperFurryThing

    SuperFurryThing Fapstronaut

    I think what intrigues me about this book, from what I've researched so far, is the idea of "killing off" the old me, with all my 35 years of wrong ideas about dating, women, relationships, and sex. Killing off the old me, that believed in "the one", that put women on a pedestal, killing off my beta male self. Some commenters on this thread have complained that, no, we really just need to focus on finding "the right" woman, or that we should just believe in our own "intrinsic value" and that should be good enough. No. That is idealistic horse crap. That is exactly the approach that hasn't led to any results at all for me in 35 years, the way I was raised. And there are so many men out there like this. Thanks Margun for starting this thread and introducing me to this
     
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  13. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    I think if you aren’t doing this things for yourself than you already lost. I don’t want to be “valued” for alll those superficial things.I want to be valued for my mind and heart but that’s just my opinion I know it will be probably be longer to find a partner on those terms or maybe not I’m still trying to figure out who I am and my purpose because I have been distracted by the wrong things for so long
     
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  14. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    I think it’s the other way around I think you believe that becoming everyone else by trying to acquire this archetype of being “alpha” is a trap it’s all social engineering. Make your own path and follow your heart instead of what society tells you to be everybody is trying to lie to themselves and be who they are not to be with people who aren’t even right for them but I digress good luck
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2018
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  15. cleanliving81

    cleanliving81 Fapstronaut

    Your goal should be to find women that LIKE YOU AS YOU ARE if your trying to be someone other than yourself you will come off as a bad car salesman effect.
     
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  16. FlyingPizza

    FlyingPizza Fapstronaut

    It's not that we're not aware of it. It's that we do not compete for the majority of guys right off the bat. In my experience, women compete for a guy they are bonded to and still find valuable and attractive. For example, a woman who has been in a 15-year relationship with a man who supported her when her mother was diagnosed with cancer, was a perfect father to her children, the perfect husband to her, etc. might decide to "compete" for the relationship if she notices there is something threatening it (such as a an infidelity). Generally, however, women don't compete for a guy they have just met. Again, women are very selective, whereas men are not. Unless the guy is extremely valuable right off the bat, women won't really compete for him because we know there are other guys out there with the same value and who are more straightforward.

    Moreover, I don't know how useful this competition anxiety is in the long run. You're pretty much stuck in a self-improvement loop just to continue feeding such anxiety, and the success of your relationship pretty much depends on your ability to continue to improve. That sounds nerve-wrecking. Might work for short-term relationships, but for anything long-term... yikes. I think having an attitude that makes it clear to others they should not take you for granted would be more suitable.

    Also, I would have to question the rationale of improving oneself for the sake of getting a partner, but I guess it's better than getting stuck and not improving at all. If this book is getting people to follow a path to self-improvement, it's doing a good thing. I just wish people did it for themselves and stopped romanticizing relationships.

    I haven't read the book and I like what you're quoting already. Good thing that you found it and it's serving you well. I, too, am tired of the idealistic horsecrap that we have intrinsic value and we should just find someone who loves us for who we are because love is the solution to all of our problems.

    We seem to have forgotten that we have flaws that we can fix ourselves, that we can improve tremendously, and we don't need other people to save us. Can you imagine what would happen if tomorrow all of us woke up and decided to own the problems that we can fix and get our shit together? That would be incredible.
     
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  17. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Low self esteem strategies / techniques = The person believes the other is above them, they are below them, and they feel the need to close that perceived gap with something other than their honest self expression. It's convincing, performing, compensating, and acting in a way that they think other people will like them for (becoming someone who they aren't for the purpose of attracting someone that's not interested in who they really are).

    Trying to own / control / deceive / manipulate / trick another person into being interested in them is a way to try to erase the possibility of rejection. They're not comfortable with being rejected. Their idea of rejection from one person is an entire gender rejecting their very existence rather than "no thanks, personally as someone with individual thoughts, interests, circumstances, and upbringing I'm not interested in you." They take it way too personally. They dwell on it out of bitterness. They require validation from other people so much because they aren't able to validate themselves.

    Aim for a partner that's a willing and joyful participant. Not a partner that needs constant reminding of why he/she needs to stay with you. Get comfortable with rejection. Get rejected as fast as possible by expressing yourself boldly, clearly, and honestly so that you can move on to people who appreciate who you are and let them move on to people that they're really interested in (who you aren't). No games. No strategies. No performing / compensating / convincing / manipulating. Just get out of your own way.

    You can never find your better place, with better people, as a better version of yourself if you're busy trying to become someone that you aren't for the purpose of convincing people that aren't interested in who you really are.

    @GG2002 you're an intelligent, mature, experienced, and a no bullshit type of woman in terms of relationships. How would you handle things if your partner attempts to "awaken your competition anxiety" by making you feel like you're not their only option on a regular basis? I'm already laughing before I even hear your answer.
     
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  18. SuperFurryThing

    SuperFurryThing Fapstronaut

    Agreed :)
     
  19. SuperFurryThing

    SuperFurryThing Fapstronaut

    I would generally agree that using "strategies and techniques" is a sign that a person is unhappy with their status quo. All is not well in everybody's world. That sounds "not very nice", when compared to the idealistic mode of viewing dating and relationships. I would agree that using "strategies and techniques" is a way of "compensating" for one's deficits. Of course, people want you to "already be" everything they want you to be, without you having to use any "tricks" or "strategies and techniques" to get there. If it makes one a "bad person" to use "strategies and techniques", then so be it.
     
  20. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    I didn't say anything about good or bad people / nice or not nice.

    You can choose whatever way of life that you want. You don't have to defend your morals to anyone here.

    I'm just stating a different point of view. My personal opinion.

    This is a good example of what I'm talking about. If I chose to express myself in a way that's more aligned with you and those who agree with your views (pretending to be someone who I'm not for the purpose of gaining your acceptance), then I would have your acceptance... but I would lose the chance of being accepted by the people here who accept the views I have when I express myself honestly.

    Not everyone is going to be interested in you just like you're not going to be interested in everyone that you meet. So why be in a reactive state where you chase people's acceptance via pretending to be someone else rather than owning who you are and going deeper into that to be among people who accept who you are?

    Don't confuse "be yourself" with never changing / growing / exploring / improving. If you want to be healthier, more confident, better at socializing, etc... then go for it... but something like "I have to lie to you to convince you to like me" is acting from a fearful state.
     
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