I thought I would create a journal to keep a record of my progress and help me stay accountable. Some background: I started watching/reading porn when I was 11-12, but I think it affected my life at a younger age. I remember being 6 or 7 and being touched/penetrated by cousins who were a couple of years older than me. These activities continued until I was 12 and learned that sex could get me pregnant. Mind you, I had been having periods since the year before, that's how dangerous it was. I'm not too keen on calling it abuse because they acted on something they weren't ready to process, but their actions certainly influenced my view on sex: It was something unpleasant and painful; it was humiliating at times, because I had to do things that I didn't like or felt gross to me. When I tried to have sex in my late teens, it was still painful. After trying it with different partners as an adult, I ended up shying from dating and intimacy entirely to avoid myself the heartbreak and the feelings of failure, not to mention hurting my partners with my inability to be intimate. This is when my porn usage truly skyrocketed. I mainly started with "romantic" porn, because it was the closest to what I wanted to achieve, but I quickly got used to it and moved on to other genres. Some of them disturbing. I eventually realized that porn had become everything I thought about. Lately, I have been at work and thinking about masturbating. I can't focus on anything anymore. And, of course, I have been using it as a substitute for real, human relationships. Frankly, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of avoiding the problem, of being ashamed of it. I'm going on a no PMO challenge for 6 months to reboot and I will get the support I need to be able to have sex normally. I want to fall in love with someone and not dread the moment we get into bed. I want to stop thinking about this and feel disgusted with myself. This is day 11 of my challenge. Cravings have been bad, but not unbearable. I'm waiting for the gynecologist's office to open to schedule an appointment and ask her what's wrong downstairs. Wish me luck --------MILESTONES-------- Day 14: Finding My Why Day 19: Set Goals Woth Pursuing Day 21: Created a Schedule Day 30: ONE MONTH OF NO PMO! Day 33: Appointment with the Gynecologist Day 46: First Appointment with the Physical Therapist Day 90: YUP, 90 DAYS!