Day 34 Long day spent at college then doing building work. Feeling very tired, so much so that I’ve had no urges and I’m going to collapse into bed as soon as I’ve finished typing this message!
46 days – Lady Galadriel, Princess of the Ñoldor, gives you a bow such as the Galadhrim used. Among the best bows of Middle Earth, the bow was longer and stouter than the bows of Mirkwood and it was strung with a string of elf-hair. Quest Item – Bow of the Galadhrim
Day 1 A single moderate urge here tonight, but i did my repsonsive journal entry, and it worked out. Welcome @MochiBagelBoy !
Day 35 I’m a Dwarf! Had another incredibly long day doing building work, fairly apt for the day I become one of Durin’s Folk. Feeling better than I have over the past few days but still have some work to do, but urges haven’t been an issue for me today.
Questions to answer after crash Last relapse time place trigger 12pm Friday saw an article on vr and started surfing to avoid monotonous tasks. Also still had chase from previous Sunday which was first E in 100 days due to needing to let go of past relationship Emotion at time - full on procrastination mode but deep down Fris are lonely times for the single man What accelerated the fall? started fishing, and my conscience didn't even kick in , I guess I was just on auto pilot to get away from the mental pain of loneliness, drudgery and of nothing changing. I also still had the chase from the Sun before, & didn't have same sense of danger as I had when I started my last streak last October I am going to keep my promise to do a 3 day fast and prayer in March as a consequence of this Rationalisation used - complete shutdown of prefeontal cortex just on autopilot to avoid pain of drudgery and lonliness What boundaries were ignored?Boundary of allowing sexual fantasy and looking at sexual content; Boundary to never fish again; Boundary to stop fishing ( convinced myself that once you pop u can't stop - untrue, another lie, just unwilling to bear thediscomfort of desire); Boundary to go onto P sites; Boundary to never look at clips; Boundary to never binge - all of these boundaries were violated What triggers? The main trigger that derailed me after 100 days was my ex reaching out to say she has a family of her own now. Although this is totally normal it shattered a deep fantasy that in the end we would get back together. This lead to going to an e which lead to the chase feeling. I also have a friend who is supposed to be getting out of a bad situation but is still in it and then on the day I ate a bar of Lindt chocolate the morning of the fall. Chocolate like this can be deadly as it can have a shutdown effect on the prefrontal cortex and nd hence aids the no-conscience on the day. I then started fishing based on a curiosity rather than an urge, although I did have a strong urge to procrastinate the task at hand and avoid the feeling of reality (loneliness heading into the weekend) that doing such tasks brings.
I’ve been absent for quite some days. My bad. A lot happened, meanwhile. I went from having an okay streak to flapping on Friday. And that made me absolutely depressed and pissed off at myself. The next day I took a recovery day, deliberately did no study, and by the end of the day was feeling good. Ready to begin. I shook off all the negativity and, here I am. Failure, if taken, are lessons. I think, I’m done fearing, slipping. Reminds me of a meme,… This sums my relation with internet. Thing is, ever since the first time I used internet it was for seeking P. Over the years internet, P and phones/tech got inter-associated for me. So,… more than a year ago I actually developed a fear of these things. I even dumped my phone, for a dumb phone. It worked. But the meme is right. It’s not absolute. I got a 110 day streak, my highest so far. But,… not total freedom. And, since then I have been struggling. Because I “need” to use phones and internet for some part of my daily activity. But my fear of it, leads to other things. So,.. simple. I’ll destroy that fear too. We are all too mighty to be held prisoners by PMO forces. And that power once realised, marks the end of PMO.
Day 1, and now I have sting! I have a lot of work to do today, so I know that'll keep me well occupied.
@Vicegerent brother ,you have plenty of time to build your character. Brother you can go to the gym and build your aesthetic body. Trust me , It will boost your confident. First thing is build your body. After that if you like you can find a girlfriend in high school or college. You can find a girl easily if you build your aesthetic body. finding girlfriend will help you to understand women's behavior and she will help your studies.Or If you are in relationship with a girl, i think going to gym will help you to attract her lot. These days I'm watching Hamza videos and get some new ideas from him in yt. I think It will help you lot. Because lot of teenagers are in Hamza's discord server and they make their progress in life. I also joined to that Discord server. If you like you can find his discord server on his yt channel. You can find his channel by typing hamza in yt. I think this information will help you. Good luck brother
Starting to see that urges arise out of desire to escape emotional, mental pain, no matter how small, rather than just arising out of desire for pleasure per se. This has to be the difference on this streak, I must face, embrace, live with and heal the pain otherwise this will never end. Even today mild urges but all related to not wanting to stick at the task at hand. Of course this then is compounded by the low dopamine from the fall on Friday. So not only do I have to accept and embrace the pain of normal life, I need to accept that I am going to need to surf the pain of low dopamine for the next 4 weeks. I am committing to doing this to this Fellowship now. Thank you for your support.
Checking in Fellowship Friend's! 16 Day Free of PMO. Difficult day, I feel like i'm on the brink of catching a cold and I don't feel the best. Have done all the remedies to stop it where it's at. Did manage to be productive at work and also do some exposure today. Stay Strong! 16 days – Touched by your bravery, the gentle Elves of Rivendell give you an elven cloak. The cloak has a hood and is fastened by a green brooch. It acts as camouflage when PMO units are around. Quest Item - Elven Cloak @MochiBagelBoy Welcome to the Fellowship brother! @kaerhal Congrats on ranking up! @e r i k _ s a t i e Rise again brother, you've proven to yourself that you can go the distance now do it once more.
