The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 50!

 

Day 4
Today I came to Tom Bombadil's house. But I had my trouble with his dogs.

It's weekend and as always I'm falling into this hole. Today I realized I have to fight my way out of it. I need to calous my mind. PMO was just around the corner. I was so eager to do it and I tried to sneak around my little obstacles to get it.
Luckily I didn't succeed with these pathetic snake moves. But I felt so sorry for myself, I bought and ate a lot of crap and this super slow internet connection is getting me mad.
But I know, what I would do first if my internet connection would be faster right now.

What happened to recovery first and foremost??
I have to work my way up. And there's one lesson that's coming to me again and again. The lesson is called "abstinence is not recovery"

I never really believed in it or never really understood it. Sure, abstaining for, say 20 days, from looking at porn means something! Only abstaining for a long time will change something for sure.
But we need to accomplish more than that!

Today I decided that it's time for me to jump into cold water again and I did it (quite literally)
It's already dark outside but I decided to do some outdoor training right now.
... and I flussed my teeth.
With these few steps I'm already improving my weekend compared to the last ones. But physical training is just a part of it - I need to study as well. My mind is fighting against it so hard. In fact I am fighting, although it could be so much easier ... well I want to work on my mind and I want to study. In exchange I'm not going to hold the past against me, I'm not saying to myself "oh you haven't studied all the time when you could have" or such, it will just be positive self talk

oh my! I have still such a long way ahead of me ...

 

25 days
Middle urges rigth now, starting to have some urges. Trying to avoid them focusing in my work.
Today I worked out and took a cold shower.
Keep strong my brothers.

 

I have forgotten one thing. I need to make sugar reduction part of my commitment. Maybe it's just another symptom but this addiction is teasing me much more than porn!
And they seem to be somehow ..connected. I dunno!

Anyway, it's time to quit! sugar! Of course not like porn. I'll sweet things again. But I need to reboot my system. I want to stop buying crap and putting it in my body all the time.

I'll make it part of this challenge. From day 5 on I'm required to report about it diligent. Buying crap and eat it means I have to reset. Other missteps might be excused, but I need to report it. Accountability!

 

9/23/2022 completed

day 25 - No M / O
day 3 - No P / Psub / addiction-induced arousal

 

Happy birthday brother!
You're still so young! You have still so much to do and you have still so much time. I'm glad for you

 

Checking in. Doing ok but watching Netflix too much. Need to do other things to relax and recharge.

 

Day 18

Experienced a lot of recovery. Good signs so far as to how things are going. I got this leather jacket I dug out of the closet, I have to figure out how to take care of it though. Parts look a bit worn out.

 

Day 0.

Well, I did it again. Nothing new there. I'm glad I started tracking my falls about six weeks ago, because it's helped me realize something important that I never noticed on my own: most of my falls happen on Fridays and Saturdays. This time, being aware of that did not help me stay out of the trap of fishing, then p-subs, then P, then MO. But every bit of knowledge is crucial as long as I can remember to apply it. Knowledge is power. I'm going to return to a very strict schedule of reduced phone usage.

St. Gabriel the Archangel, pray for us!

 

Day 1
Sent back to the start after 43 days. After having this addiction for a while I know not to feel disappointed or discouraged. Every day without PMO is a step towards a brighter and porn free future. I'm feeling good and I hope y'all are too. Good luck out there Fellowship

 

Day 415

 

Exactly my cycle before a relapse. P-subs then if it gets strong enough then goes to viewing P unintentionally (If you come across it). After unintentionally viewing of P through P-subs then it starts with searching for P but intentionally viewing now. Then eventually if it strong enough altogether the end results is PMO not MO. Sometimes P-subs can be strong enough so I understand that why it leads to a relapse. And don't drink if possible because it will lead to PMO.

Since you mentioned in Day 1 before the relapse, I want to show this & the rest who is struggling. Eventually, you have to let it go like Bilbo. I don't know how he did it but he did. I feel like Gandalf as well telling you & the rest "The Ring is still in your pocket". I have been there. Just let it go.

 

check in
Congratulations to @Baki Hanma and @Toni7 for reaching awesome milestones
Happy birthday to @newbobido

Let's keep pushing guys

 

day 150 :O congrats, eagerly waiting for my batch to show that too

 

I failed ,but am not giving up.. Day 0
I think its is essential to have a schedule even during weekends.

 

Day 20

Urges were there mild to medium. Mostly mild and not as strong. I have been thinking of my favorite P stars & videos that were already deleted from one of my 3.5 hard drive including my Dropbox. I can handle it. These forces still is trying to get me to release. I don't want to say anymore. I think I will laugh and make you guys laugh. I am learning not to go into detail because I don't want to trigger anyone intentionally. Because if you search around here in the forums, it is pretty bad. Besides looking at the Success stories of others & reading on other things to learn about, I am trying to stay here in the threads in my challenges. Less triggering if I have to say so far. I think I will be fine. I'm doing what I have to do every day.

A bit angry earlier. Makes me not want to relapse.

Just recently looking on my Redbubble account, I found out to hide Mature content there.
That is great! Changed that and set it to hidden. I still need to clean it up my saved list including my favorites though.

Better by the day. Maybe I might add more to say later. Let's go.

Keeping it going as an Elf. Keep on going Fellowship!

 

Day 5
somehow it goes

 

Day 35 no PMO. All good. Too busy to even consider P yesterday.

 

There is no “checkin every day” rule but for obvious reasons I think it’s a good idea. I wasn’t judging anyone but rather trying to encourage and also wanted to Tag @RiseToGreatness so that he would come back. Any group eventually falls apart without its leader. Just the way of life I think.

 

It was an accident. Sorry about that. Trying to tag @RiseToGreatness and clicked you instead.