@Timmyrogger Checking in on Day 4. Busy but productive. Though I must continue to exercise when I get home next week given all the food I ate this week, haha.
Okay something weird happened, I was fantasizing really hard well because something happened and I had a hands free orgasm. Not feeling the effects of M relapse but still know it wasn't right. I think I fantasize really in detail and it causes a lot of problems and that no doubt is from learning/watching porn and being sexual from very young. I have symptoms of Premature Ejaculation even if its not as bad as I've heard, if anyone has any tips that doesn't involve kegels let me know. Anyways, it was kind of out my control but clear reset. I did good to control it for anyone wondering aswell, i deleted all my socials. Didn't watch anything.
My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything Just really calm down. It is about progression and you doing amazing lately . This message is directed to everyone. @MONSTER MONK was right all along about semen retention. It is a nonsense. Why ? Cause all that energy is not much of a positive one. Insomnia and beating urges all the time, there is no logic in it. Body needs to sleep well and to be at ease. I abstain, just like you, but it seems that radical ALL or Nothing is a masochism . It is against nature and it is some nonsense. It is just what I think.
Checking in for the day. Been having some very potent urges lately, especially ones related to my fetish. Those were the worst. Almost just M'ed(yeah, that was stupid of me, how did I not notice the signs. Wasn't productive, and in an uncomfortable spot. Not to mention being besieged by powerful urges), but cut it off at the last moment. Probably did some damage to my body and brain there, but at least it's not as bad as fully MOing. Gonna be careful about these urges from now on.
Nah nah nah. There is some truth to Semen retention. After my set of resets I can see. It's all about energy, you either use it to grow, or you blow. There's also of course a spiritual dimension to abstaining that brings an overall sense of well-being that I'm lacking right now.
Monkeey i don't believe in the coming up to the brain and the special mind transformation anymore . Thought i still believe in abstinence for streaks. Sexual exhaustion is real . But i read too long streaks can cause harmful gathering , concentration there . Much of the retention i do for memory reasons. But i am not believing in the ultimate 12 year memory. It seems to much .
For a while now, I've seen this as the ultimate challenge that I have to face and conquer on my own. This is likely because I believe it is my fault alone that I reached this point. However, a recent dream I had showed me just how terrified I am of having people I know find out what I am really going through. Maybe it was a sign that I need to seek out the help of others to get through this, I don't really know. Anyways, I see this as a blank slate-type situation where I have a chance to really improve my position. I'm going to try to use this site more from now on, and I apologize for writing it off for so long. It's good to be back.
Slipped. No big deal. Edged through Instagram, and I did slip. All good though. Learning from my mistakes. I actually see this as a good thing because I was starting to settle in a comfort zone, and this reset actually is a massive motivator for me to work hard.
Checking in for the day. Yesterday was quite the disaster, I basically lost all productivity. Morning went well, but then when I tried my hand at cooking, I realized that I got the wrong ingredients and basically gave up, while still continuing. Spent 4 hours making some potatoes, wtf me. Lost a shit ton of momentum there, and never regained it. I then spent the rest of the day gaming because it's my coping mechanism against failure even though I know it's not really going to help. Stayed up very late and almost had a late night relapse(Was in the mindset for it, that was too close to my liking) before I hauled my ass to bed. Even loosened my guard this morning and headed down some triggering places. Gonna stay on alert for now. Positive thing about this day, I spent a lot of time sleeping and my brain feels refreshed.