Thanks, and I have considered that having a baby could help me with this. My experience with this type of thing is that it will help initially, up until I eventually watch porn once, then it doesn't seem to help nearly as much. For example the thought of hurting my wife kept me from watching porn for three months or so initially. But after that I more fell into a similar routine as I had before. And I agree with your other post. There is a lot to be said to creating long term plans. I think for me right now I need to have more focus on willpower though. It's hard to build up willpower for this fight after so many years!
That's a nice thought but I don't think it helps me. It's once of those things that is very easy to say but much harder to actually achieve. I'm happy it worked for you. But I have put years of effort into changing how I think and I haven't had any long term success with it. My life has changed a lot, just not in the area I really want.
This is a really good question and really hit home for me. I started in 2012 so basically on and off it for five years trying and failing. For me it took my symptoms to be so debilitating that I couldn't really function for me to progress in my life to get to this point that I truly believe I will never watch porn again. It sickens me how much of an emotionless wreck I have become and I am fed up of being fed up with it all. But that is just me and I really hope you see a turning point much sooner. Porn is poison and sucks the life out of you if you let it long enough.
Yeah check out the book The Willpower Instinct, or just look up a video on it maybe. But one of the key things the author who is a Stanford health psychologist talks about is there are three kinds: Will power, won't power, and want power. We're really talking about won't power, but willpower will get you up to take care of the baby for example, and want power may relate to wanting a nice relationship with your wife, and the family..
Well, I know this is a personal Q, but what's the sex life like? Obv a little different with baby on the way, but what was it like before that? I guess what I'm asking is, how did you know you have a problem in the first place? I'm guessing PIED didn't enter into it...
This. I would go ahead and wager that almost no one currently struggling with porn as an addiction has ONLY porn on their "what's messing with my life list". And even porn is just a small subset of the far larger problem, screen addiction, which affects the vast majority of the population at this point. Figure out ways to exercise major muscle groups at home (quads, ass, chest, back), clean up your diet to a reasonable degree, etc. It's totally ok to blow the occasional load on your own, especially if your lady is out of action. Men are built to do that, it's complete abstinence that's unnatural, although it may be required in order to "reboot". It's the part of linking said loads to pixels on a screen rather than physical sensations that a woman provides that needs to be cut. But man functions best (and is happiest) when he has concrete goals he's working towards. So why not pick a day of the week, (hopefully a day you both have some time off), and call that pleasure day. Give your wife a massage. Let her run her fingernails over your body. Get some stuff to create interesting sensations (like a pinwheel) and do the same to her. Take turns making each other feel wonderful. The other person has nothing to reciprocate during that time, just lay back, relax, and enjoy. Basically find ways to enjoy physical pleasure together even if actual sex isn't involved, and then manually blast off afterwards. Just find a way to get her involved and enjoying herself. Then you have something concrete to look forward to during the week that brings you together, and that gives you motivation to save up all that energy you currently have going spare.
Sex life has been great, it's one of the frustrating things about this. I really have no reason to need to watch porn. It's more of a comfort thing than anything else. I can feel very panicky and stressed if I'm by myself without it. It's some sort of weird comfort thing for me at this point. And I've never been able to long term convince myself otherwise.
To clarify, porn actually gave me kind of a death grip issue. Early on in marriage I actually had problems orgasming.
My 2 cents worth on this topic. I battled PMO addiction for 28 years. I thought I wanted to quit many times but my problem was I wasn't "ready " to quit. Once I was finally ready then it was relatively easy.of course everyone is different. Good luck!
That sounds mostly like a spare time issue, which is where a lot (I'd wager most, but I haven't done surveys) of PMO problems stem from. What's the biggest source of spare time alone? I'm guessing you work from home or somewhere unsupervised?
Yup work from home. I'd actually prefer to be in the office but (without a complicated explanation) that isn't an option for me. It's funny because I actually was filled with some dread when I heard I'd be working from home most of the week.
Like most of us we have unsuccessfully tried to quit many times before, and always go back to PM. Our "old friend" that has always been there for us in times of pain and moments when we want comfort or rather have stimulus vs face the dull drugeries of life. Yeah that's the lure, why kill an old friend amiright? You say you've been fighting this for some time and no long term commitments stick. Why not? How long have you been PMO free before you returned? What hope could you offer those of us who expect to one day be free? In all sincerity.
I hear ya. I'm in the same situation. Not only that I don't actually have a boss. I can schlub off for a month if I want. Have you tried working in a public place like a library or coffee shop? Or some other possibility where looking at porn isn't an option due to the all-seeing eye that strangers represent.
I'm fine with killing this. Ive gone about 6 weeks without PMO, but maybe 3 months without porn. Generally I go about a week without. It used to be daily but that was one thing I did manage to fight out of. I can't offer anything to someone who struggles with this. Except to maybe tell them to not beat themselves up about it. I wish I could. I fantasize about the day I can. That just seems to be about as far as it's gone.
I've considered it, but I have some knee issues and a dog which keeps me at home during the day. I have some hopes my new work offices we're getting will have what I need to work from there and support my knees. Ultimately though I've found these avoidance tactics rarely do long term good for me.
So working from a coffee shop is avoidance behavior, but an office isn't. Or am I misinterpreting that? If not, how do they differ? I'm sorry, I think I might be missing something. You have a good sex life, you only jerk off once a week... What exactly seems to be the problem? What is your goal? Sounds to me like you've got everything running pretty healthily sexually. I'd be far more worried about re-habbing my knees than a once-a-week handy while the wife is preggers. And speaking of things to take up free time...
I think your question is very telling of your dilemma. The people winning the fight don't "know" that one day they'll be weak and give in. How can you know this in advance? Because that's what's happened in the past? The past doesn't project into the here-and-now unless you order it to. The people winning the fight may have a fear that they'll one day give in, but they don't have a knowledge or certainty of it. Any certainty about failure will lead to precisely that - failure. So how do you eliminate certainty that you will fail? Consistently practice being present in the moment, here-and-now. Meditation practice can help you avoid projecting a future of failure or dwelling on failures in the past. None of those things has any bearing on your ability to avoid failure right here and right now, which is the only place you ever exist and operate from, and is the only place you ever do battle against PMO.
No they're both avoidance behavior. The end part was just my thought process =) I like to think that avoidance is a good method but ultimately I've found it is not. How much is too much? I still get sex while my wife is pregnant. If I have second three times a week and still masturbate once is that alright? To me that suggests I have a pretty big issue outside of actually watching porn and mb. For some reason, I'm stuck in this loop of "once a week" despite many changes made to my life I've the last year's. At this point its more like a routine I don't know how to change than anything.
