Tequila truth serum

I began the abstinence journey from PMO last week. Man, it's tough. I had been
doing PMO so long, it just became part of daily routine. Upon self reflection, it was a
combination of boredom, conflicts with my wife and vicarious thrill seeking. It was a dirty
little secret I kept hidden in a little box in my mind. It was filthy and perverted, but it was mine. I would peek into that box occasionally and get my PMO fix. I actually didn't think I had a problem. I would get in radom fights with my wife and she would ask why I
had developed such a hair trigger temper. I believe it was self loathing.
Upon discovering the "NoFap" site and committing myself to the program, I
thought I would just keep everything a secret and deal with it myself. My wife and
I have a "no lying " policy between us. She always says "just tell me the truth, I can deal
with the truth." Well, I was so ashamed of my past behavior that I just couldn't risk telling
her. I felt I would be so diminished in her eyes, I couldn't bear it. I rationalized that
I wasn't lying if I didn't say anything.
Well, last night I had dinner waiting for her when she got home from work. Aside
from abstinence, I have been trying to correct previous bad behaviors, by being a loving and attentive husband. We sat and talked. She had a glass of wine and I had a healthy
glass of tequila. She started going through her mail and held up a fashion catalog with a picture of a beautiful girl in a bathing suit. She said "what do you think of that bathing suit?" I said I was not allowed to look at those images. She looked a me quizzically.
I then blurted out that I was a porn addict, chronic mastubator, bad husband, liar [by omission] blah, blah blah. It all just poured out. She just sat there and said she had no idea. She asked if I was sure I was a porn addict. I assured I was. She asked if it was her fault. I said no [maybe a little,ha]. However, I was my responsibility to take ownership of
my bad habits. She said thank you for telling me truth,she could deal with that.
We both vowed to both work harder on our marriage and open lines of communication.
I vowed to continue my recovery program from PMO.
That was one of the best nights of my life.