Is on here any couple that is working together to fight this addiction and is succeeding? I'm naturally curious if it can work. My ex-girlfriend found out my addiction, lost trust in me, felt really hurt and literally ran away from me. It has been 100% my fault but my love for her it has never been in doubt. The thing is still fresh and i'm definitely still in denial that she is gone; the pain sometimes is unbearable but i'm working really hard on myself and on the addiction. Since i realize i was an addict i started my rebooting and even if it is just the beginning i'm struggling more with the lost of her that not anything else. Now, part of me is working really hard in order to be a better man and try to knock at her door again. I don't care if it will take months or years but i won't give up....unless... unless i won't be able to overcame my addiction or i won't be strong enough to be committed on this fight. The last thing i want it is drag her down with me. So, i need some hope, i need to know that there are couple working together and getting stronger and more honest through each others. I need some hope and a view on someone happiness because mine is gone.
My husband and I are working together. He has relapsed once in 3.5 years. However, if he relapses again, I'm done. He knows this and has taken steps to get as far away from PM as possible. Although I've helped him a lot, there have been things I've learned about myself along the way as well, so it has been quite a journey. He's working on his underlying issues currently, and does meditation to help with that. That is the biggest beast, even bigger than the addiction. Addiction is just a symptom. If you're able to use this time to work on the things that led you to the addiction, that is going to help the most.
Thank you very much DefendMyHeart. You are giving me hope and it is something rare in these days. I'm actually working a lot on myself and trying to figure out all the stuff i avoided to face during all my life. I feel i'm doing as much as i can all day long! I don't know if she will give me another chance but i'm doing it anyway mostly for myself and also for not hurt anyone else anymore. I hope you guys all the best and i admire your strength and your love as partner.
Hey Stanza, I come from a bit of a different space than most but - I’m currently in a successful relationship, doing nofap with my partner (10 days) and feeling great. I say different because when starting the relationship (about a year and a half now) we both used PMO very openly. I’m making a change without my partner asking because I’m experiencing P-related performance issues and because I want to have actually better sex - not the fantasy of it. The best advice I can give, and one I’ve learned from many failed relationships, is to just embrace full honesty with yourself and any future partners. You and anyone you’re with have to be dealing with real data and the true situation. If you are both dealing in versions of truth, or half truths because you are afraid of hurting someone, it’s going to be a lot lot harder - and this is already hard enough. You are far from perfect and relationships are t perfect either. Whatever partner you pursue in the future, find a space where you can FULLY be yourself and FULLY transparent. Mistakes and all. A partner who can plan, adapt and pursue goals with you.
Thank you for your answer Xander. I definitely agree with your point of view and i'm committed to make it work in that way. The truth also, that unfortunately at the moment i'm not ready for any new partner since i still grief my ex ; everyone i would welcome it would just be a distraction from the pain i feel and it wouldn't be healthy since the start. The sad truth is also, i had that feeling with my ex, I never have been free to be myself with anyone else and that why for me it was so difficult to understand , sometimes almost unbearable, what i was doing while i was in the best relationship of all my life. I had already everything and I lost it and at the moment this remorse is eating me alive
Take your time brother, keep the focus on you for a while. I’m speaking from my experience with a similar relationship, but there’s a big lesson here that changed my life. Regardless of what happens with your ex, realize that that feeling of being fully yourself, that freedom exists with you all the time. It feels amazing to have someone see the full you and love you for it, but you are able to be the full you everywhere, all the time and it is the greatest feeling in the world. This quote from the Tao has always stuck with me. “Because he accepts himself. The whole world accepts him” Love yourself, be yourself fully and the right people start finding you. Hang in there friend - everything’s going to be ok.
After about 18 months we've had more success than not. But for us it's not her job at all to think about my sobriety or recovery. It's my responsibility (therapy scheduling, SAA meetings, reading, etc). It's her job to work on herself and both of our jobs to work on ourselves.
