Straight Raping Gay Trigger.

Sounds like you have just developed an association between pleasure and images and thoughts of men exerting power over other men that doesn't have to make sense it just is... for me i would identify with the victim in this scenario although would never tolerate that in my normal life

 

It makes you a man that enjoys feeling power over others. Some of that can take the form of sexual actions but it's about power, and the display of power doesnt follow sexual orientations. We all have that element within ourselves, how we manage it is what defines us as humans

 

I mean, I can only speculate like everbody else but maybe it has to do with the "power dynamic" in that video? One side is very dominant (even hostile in this case), the other more submissive and passive. Power dynamics seem to be arousing to many people. That paired with an general addiction to porn and the desensitization that comes with it, and potentially you'll find yourself being turned on by something a lot more extreme like that. Also, it sounds like it was the first time you saw something like that, in other words it was novel content to you. Novelty also makes everything much more exciting. Could it be that a combination of all those factors were the reason why you enjoyed it?

 

I can't speak much about the homosexuality but I do know that porn about crime is NOT GOOD! You have to stop watching that stuff IMMEDIATELY! As I believed before, there is a lot of porn that promotes crime. I don't know why: maybe because a porn about a married couple having sex would make people feel guilty about watching porn, so porn gets more success in the opposite direction?

But regardless the reason, porn about crime is one of the most dangerous types of porn. Firstly, it may be monetizing crime. A criminal could make profit by filming his own crimes, especially ad revenue from people who watch the film. This monetization won't only financially support criminals but it also may encourage them to commit more crimes and record them.

Secondly, criminal porn tends to sexualize crime and make crime look attractive. I think this is a marketing strategy generally practiced by all types of porn sellers. But its effect on criminal porn is horrible.

 

My opinion on the matter: It is just an evil thought that manifested from your inner field of consciousness. There is no use in thinking about it. Just forget the memory and don't dwell on it anymore. It is an evil thought and should be put back into the darkness, back into the hell from which it emerged.

 

Because you're a messed up sinner, like everyone else in the world

 

TL;DR: try psychoanalysing yourself to figure out on your own what happened. Instructions for how to do that are listed below. Just skip the first and the last paragraph.

Have you tried conducting a sort of "self-diagnostic therapy yet?" This is NOT an invitation to rewatch the video, nor would I ever condone that on this forum. However, it couldn't hurt to do some mindful investigating on yourself. Let's face it, this forum can try to diagnose the problem, but only you (or an actual certified psychiatrist) can truely diagnose what happened to you or what you were feeling.

To start, get either a pen and paper or a voice recorder. I would put your phone and any other electronic away in case an urge comes on in the process. However, if an urge does come on, stop what you are doing, and wait for the urge to pass before resuming.

Begin by describing what happened leading up to the video. what triggered your urge? What actions were you doing before you decided to search for porn? What drew you to want to watch the video?

This next step seems counter intuitive, but it may help. Write down a summary of what you saw in the video. When you don't have your source to rely on, you have to use memory to summarize. This means that the parts that were most interesting to you are what's more likely to get written down. This can help you see what you liked/disliked about the video you saw. However, don't write down what you felt yet. Just write down what you experienced.

Last, write down what you were feeling while you were watching the video. Write down where specifically in the video you felt that emotion/urge. When did you start becoming interested in the video? When did you start feeling "turned on" to the video? Who/what action did you see when you were turned on? Who/what action did you identify with when you watched the video? What were your feelings/actions after you stopped watching? Etc. Feel free to brainstorm questions on your own if you feel that I said to much or did ask enough.

After that, take some time away from the paper to do other tasks (like take a shower, do chores, get some work done, etc.). Come back later (preferably the next day) to look at your paper with fresh eyes. Determine for yourself what happened with you.

This is only the outline that I feel is most appropriate for you. If you want to do add more or take away, feel free to do so. This is only here as a guide of what i think might work best. I apologise for this long winded post, but I hope this helps.

 

Hey man. I'd be interested in chatting with you more about this issue. PM me if you'd like. Thx