Story time & Advice

Hi,

I'm new here.

I wanted to write out my journey with porn addiction so far as much for my clarity as anything else but also to ask for advice moving forward as I'm not sure of the best path.

Although I have been a regular porn user for the entirety of my adult life over the last 8 years it has perhaps become more of a problem. My engagement with cam sites like 'Live Jasmine', which I think started during COVID lockdowns, became a semi-regular part of my more lengthy masturbation sessions. I suppose its relevant to note that I did not pay for anything on the cam sites but rather I used the free chat function to flirt/ dirty talk with the models as a kind of pre-amble to porn. Around this time I also experimented with chat roulette-style sites but found only a bunch of dicks it didn't become a habit.

Once the lockdowns ended I essentially returned to 'normal' porn usage with the occasional cam site visit.

Cut to 2023, I'm engaged, still using porn regularly and I break my ankle.

So I was off my feet for 3 month-ish, alone all day and pretty morbidly depressed so obviously porn usage became a big part of my day, 3-4 times a day on average and after a little while I was regularly using cams again and crossing my boundaries by registering my card and using the free credits I earned by doing so to have 'privates' with models and spending more time chatting with models regularly.

I also returned to chat roulette (now Omegle presumably?) and spent more time scrolling through the endless dicks until I ultimately encountered a sexual experience which was ultimately disappointing and depressing.

This experience was a step too far and although I didn't stop my behaviours right away I confided in my sibling who encouraged me to speak to my partner before our wedding, who was largely unaware of the regularity of my porn usage and completely unaware of the cam sites etc. It took me a little while (in fact up to a month before my wedding) but I spoke with my partner and she was able to forgive me but asked me to stop watching porn.

Since then, maybe 9 months, I have managed to stop watching porn and masturbating entirely for periods of up to 2 months at a time BUT I have experienced none of the proposed benefits.

My lack of external stimuli has placed additional focus on my wife and my misguided and often unintentional pressure on her to change sexual habits, weight, clothes etc. to fulfil my sexual 'needs' in the absence of porn has ruined her self-confidence, what was left after she discovered my indiscretions, and placed additional strain on the relationship.

I am horny all the time and this doesn't seem to fade with weeks or months passing.

Ultimately things seem worse for quitting porn and my wife has asked me to return to watching porn.

So,

What shall I do?

Thank you in advance - sorry for the lack of the lingo