Significant other searching for answers

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by djdcgc4, May 1, 2019.

  1. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

    38
    22
    8
    Hey everyone!

    Posted this thread in New to Nofap and someone suggested I post here!

    While searching online for ways to improve my relationship and possible causes for the loss of intimacy I have experienced with my BF I found this forum.

    Backstory- 2 years ago I started dating the most amazing man! For the first three months are sexy life was relatively normal except my partner was experiencing DE. Through casual conversation he mentioned having some ED with his ex, that he had a history of masturbating several times a day. ( honestly though he was joking and asked no questions) things so slowed down a bit around month 4 and up to 7-8 months he never reached orgasm and then began to show signs of ED with me. To be honest I gained about 25 lbs during this time and really was convinced that was the problem. Sex stopped altogether then and we have only been intimate 2x this last year. Around the year mark I committed to healthy lifestyle and I have lost 33 lbs! I’m a size 5 now......However I didn’t see a spike in his interest and after several months of nothing I initiated. No erection....... several weeks later I brought up the lack of intimacy and my concerns. Again initiated no erection. A few weeks later I let him know it was seriously concerning. He agreed we could work on it. He has gone back to working out and is trying to show interest.

    He spent many years alone for lots of reasons. Afterresearching and finding this forum everything started to make sense.

    I guess my question is could he be suffering from PIED and DE due to PMO? Am I crazy for thinking this? We are in our late 30s currently. If so how to I get him to open up to me?

    Sorry for the long post but thanks for listening!
     
  2. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Have you asked if he uses porn? I know that's a difficult subject to bring up, but it would be good to know.
     
  3. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

    38
    22
    8
    Once after he failed to “O” I asked if he had watched a lot of porn previously. He responded with “ sometimes”. Again I looked back and I had several opportunities to really dig a little deeper and I didn’t now were so far out I’m just trying to figure out how to get back to the beginning.
     
  4. Faceplanter

    Faceplanter Fapstronaut

    Usually there is shame with porn use that needs to be understood to get the truth out in the open. "Sometimes" is a yes, I use porn answer but dialed way back probably. Let him know that you are not wanting to judge him and maybe ask the questions so that one-word answers will work.

    The symptoms sound typical of PIED from what I read here, but suggest a doctor's visit if he doesn't think so.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  5. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I think porn addiction is something he should look at.

    There are lots of women here who have been through similar experiences to you. @Queen_Of_Hearts_13 has lots of resources in her threads you will find useful. There's also two sections for women (and men) whose partners are porn addicts to journal, one is 'Significant Other Journals'. The other is private, so it is only available to the SOs: SOS: Significant Others Support, I think it's @ILoathePwife and @EyesWideOpen who are admins there and can add you if you want to join.

    Good luck. I hope you find the support from other SOs here so that you can navigate your relationship back to safe harbour. And more than that I hope he realises that he has a problem and finds the strength to rid his life of porn. I did not realise I was addicted until I tried to stop. I found it way harder than I had ever imagined, but it is possible. And some men stop easily, perhaps he'll be one of them. But first he has to want to stop, and part of that will be communication with you (or losing you).
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2019
  6. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

    38
    22
    8
    Thank you for the support! I really don’t even know where to go from here. I’m so glad he told me he struggles with it but I could hear the dismissal in his responses that it’s not a big deal.

    I hope your journey is going well and major kudos to you for working to improve yourself and trying to support others!
     
  7. Taketime

    Taketime Fapstronaut

    41
    95
    18
    I think you're on the right track. My partner said "sometimes" too. But he actually meant sometimes twice a day! He had no idea what it does to the brain, that it addictive and regular use comes with major consequences. He thought it was his age, lacked vitamins or medication he was on.

    The answer became obvious once I found a porn pop up. We both went went through a couple of months of hell, but are sailing much calmer water now, and everything is improving. It is however a long road and I'm trying to be realistic there maybe some bumps ahead.

    we started at Fight the new drug (website) and your brain on porn (website). And yes reality is scary for them as well as us.

    I wish you both well.
     
    Butterfly1988 and kropo82 like this.
  8. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

    38
    22
    8
    Thank you! I’m terrified..... but hearing others stories is really helping and giving me hope!

    Prayers and good wishes for you and yours :)
     
    Taketime likes this.
  9. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    If I was in my 30s and experiencing those problems, I would be eager to get checked out by a doc. Most guys see absolutely no connection between porn use and sexual dysfunction. If a doctor rules out any organic cause, I would be nearly certain the problem is P. And I agree with others, “sometimes” probably means “a lot, more than I’m comfortable admitting.”
     
  10. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

    38
    22
    8
    I don’t think he sees the correlation at all. I think that might be my toughest battle. He made the statement last night that’s it’s hard for him to open up to me sexually because he views me as wife material and not a sex “ object” that was the proof I needed that is definitely addiction.
     
  11. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    Thanks for spreading the word about our private group for SOs of porn addicts. Yes, me and @EyesWideOpen and a few others.

    @djdcgc4, I'm sorry you're in this situation but glad you found NoFap. I invited you to our private group.
     
    kropo82 and EyesWideOpen like this.
  12. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

    38
    22
    8
    Thanks! After just 3 days it’s been a lot to take in to say the least but he is working hard to honor me and show me love above and beyond! I hope as we conquer this he will feel an urge to get involved to try and help others.
     
    Taketime, CH3RRY and ILoathePwife like this.

Share This Page