I wasn't sure I wanted to start a journal here, but I decided I do. If only to write down the good things I am noticing, so I can remember and think positively, and also so I can look back and hopefully see progress. My husband, a porn addict of 20 years, before I even met him, and I are both doing a 90 day hard mode reboot. No intentional orgasms for each of us for 90 days--maybe more. I feel like it's the craziest anti-advice ever. Having marital troubles? Stop having sex with your wife. Insane, right? And, yet, for the first time in a long time I have hope. Today is day four. We've faithfully done 30 minutes of cuddling every day, although it was cut short today because we didn't start soon enough before he went to work. And we've done the FANOS thing for three days in a row. (See next post for the description if you haven't heard of it.) Honestly, the cuddling has been good, but I hope it gets even better. It kind of feels like forced cuddling right now. FANOS has been beyond amazing. Last night I noticed my husband was struggling with something and every time I asked he said his usual, "I don't know." Finally he said, "I don't know. I want to know and I want to tell you but I don't know." Even that was an improvement for him. Today I asked him several times again and, still, I don't know. Finally, we did FANOS and it was like a damn burst. He used three emotion words and he talked about things that were upsetting him for at least 10 minutes. It was beyond amazing. He so rarely lets me in like that. I also noticed, and talked about during FANOS, that I do see positive signs but I seem to be focusing on the negative and pushing for more, more, more progress too fast right now. Right after my husband left for work I read this. http://yourbrainonporn.com/more-feel-good-activities It helped me understand. The little progress I'm seeing is giving me a little hit of dopamine and I'm seeking, seeking, seeking, in a destructive way. So understanding that helps. Here's the quote from the link that really made sense to me. "An animal behavior expert once pointed out that if you raise an animal's dopamine artificially, it starts "seeking." First it will eat and drink all it wants, but it's still dissatisfied. So, it will start tearing up anything in the cage. Random seeking. Not unlike random clicking to new images. That's what makes today's porn so seductive. Seeking goes with dopamine. So does novelty. So does "surprising" or "unexpected." Each "hit" is a tiny reward of dopamine in the brain - the message of which isn't "satisfaction," but rather, "keep going, satisfaction is j-u-s-t around the corner." This unending form of enticing tension can leave you really edgy after a while if you don't resolve it somehow." Summary: I am seeing positive signs of improvement. FANOS is helping us connect emotionally. My husband is letting me in more than ever before.