Should I share my PM journey with her?

Tell her. Honesty is the best and lies destory relationships. I could get over slips but I cannot get over lies. Lies erode trust and trust is needed for a relationship to even be possible. My husband said the same lies to himself, "Oh not telling her means I'm protecting her. I don't want her to be in pain knowing" well... I was already in pain. I knew things were off even if I didn't know the extent of what was happening. If you're going to tell her maybe write a letter. Explain how difficult this addiction is, even ask if she wants to join nofap and connect with other partners for support. Reassure her this addiction has nothing to do with her. Speak from your heart, that's always the best.

 

Not telling her to "keep her from pain" is more selfish than confessing the truth to her, even if in your head, it is for your own closure. No one can predict her reaction, but continuing to lie to her (or withhold the truth from her) is not the answer. Unless you plan on hiding this forever (I would certainly not advise this), the time for openness is as soon as possible. Your decision to refrain from P&M to be a better person is a good one regardless of her potential reaction. Good luck.

 

Oh man.... let me tell you this, I have NEVER meant the true meaning of trust till I met my girlfriend. I was in the EXACT same boat, I mean to a T. You CANNOT lie to her. Look if you care that much about her like you say you do, the lies, the hiding has got to stop. It has to, I'm sorry to be brital, but my girlfriend also has been 100% serious when she says she's gone if our relationship is gonna be based on lies and hiding things. Trust me, I've used incognito and twisted the truth just like you. It's not fun. If your gonna go through this journey together then you also need to share your struggles with her. I get the fear of disappointing her or upsetting her, but hey... your in this together and hopefully knowing that it won't have the serious repercussions as it would if you lied and hid the porn issue. 've open and honest, it's better for all I promise. Best of luck!

 

First you said that you PM with no O that's called edging and it's worse than pmo! Stop it.

I second and third whatever says here you have to be honest with her. She will find out and it will all come crashing down. You have a woman who agreed to be supportive and your way of thanking her was to repeatedly lie to her face. Not cool.

I know that you think if you tell her she will leave you and she may but that's her right. You are fooling her and tricking her into being in a relationship with someone you are not. That's not fair to her. It's selfish and it's not love!

 

I give you credit for telling her I know that was not easy and it took a lot of courage on your part so you are changing as the old you would have likely lied. She does not have to understand the addiction it's you that does. She may not be able to give you the type of support you need because she's hurting too much herself. You need to get an accountability partner and seek counseling. Lock all of your access the porn off and give your AP the password. Delete anything from your hard drive and throw anything away get rid of it all. If your girlfriend is willing agree to tell her daily if you have PMOed. Having to account to her makes it a lot harder to Pmo. Accept that you will never look at porn again. Don't give yourself any outs. Find other things to fill your time. If you feel the urge to PMO go outside and take a walk, go to a movie, a church whatever your thing is get out of the environment where the porn could tempt you. If you can't leave the house call a friend or family member just to catch up. Binge watch a wholesome tv show that reminds you of childhood. Something like full house or the Brady bunch. If you read get a good book. Take up a hobby, or take a class. Porn took up a lot of your life and now you have too much feee time. Idle time is the devils work or so they say.
If I could be blunt as a SO who left her addict after years of trying it does not seem to me that you are ready to quit. You are at the point where you see this is a problem and know you need to quit but just are not ready to totally give it up that's why you are struggling so much. That has to come from within. Nobody can guide you there. If this is the case you may want to consider ending your relationship and working on yourself. From a SO point of view when you truly think the addict is ready he's telling you he is he says he's working on it but he keeps slipping up that causes trauma to us and that can last a lifetime and spill over onto our future relationships and life. I'm not sure you realize the damage you are causing. I wish I could shake you and say just flipping stop it you are going to lose her you are hurting her but I know that won't work!

 

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/rock-stars-lists.124256/


@devoxmen
This is the link to Rock Star's Lists.
Rock Star is my SO.
He is over a year and a half PM free.
The reason he made it this far was because he created all of these insane lists for himself, a Code(s) in which to live by.
He didn't want to be one of the guys who went to quit and failed.
Also in the thread (it's not a super long thread) is @AnonymousAnnaXOXO Resources. She has another thread she put together on all the resources her SO (who is also a year & 1/2 pm free) used to get sober.
Just click the link.
My advice?
Use the Lists and resources.
Take what you feel best applies to your situation or would be most helpful to you on your journey.
GG is right about deleting everything and cutting access.
A AP (accountability partner) will do some good... There is a section to apply here.
And you definitely need parental restrictions on your phone and computer. Is it iPhone or Android?
There are people here on the forums to help with this.
And read the lists and resources.
Read it all, it's been helpful to people.
Then if you need to come back later cuz you remember something you will know it answered something for you.
If it doesn't answer it, ask.


And GG... This is a support site.
Yes, you left. It was toxic.
Sometimes it is.
This guy is Actually trying.
He's reaching out for help.
Honestly we don't know for while your guy didn't....
But we don't push the New Fapsturnuats down before they start.
If you need to vent, you should PM someone who has been with you through your PA SO journey or create a thread.
Again this is a support site.

 

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/accountability-partners.7/

Accountability Partners link

 

Resources link: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/resources-that-are-helpful-to-both-pa-and-so.108415/

 

I actually thought my post was very supportive and encouraging did you read the first half? And I don't see anywhere that I'm venting just being real with the guy. This was posting in the rebooting in relationships section and the poster is asking questions about how it effects his partner. There is support and addicts totally need that but they also need to look at the effects of their behavior on others. To the original poster if I offended you I am truly sorry my comments were meant to help you. @Kenzi we will just have to agree to disagree.

 

We usually do GG, (agree to disagree) but that is alright with me.
I still like reading what you have to say and your perspective, tho different than mine because if it weren't different, I would be very close minded, indeed.
And we are here for various degrees of perspectives to get the best range of help possible. Therefore if we both weren't so different we both couldn't offer the spectrum of help we do.
I sincerely hope that you are having a good day..

 

This is a really tough part of coming to reality in a relationship where there are secrets, omissions or lies, but if you don't want to anymore; then don't!

Instead, maybe try getting to a point in the NoFap process where you can go to her with a story of success. Take a second and imagine what it would feel like to be able to say:

"Hunny, I just wanted to share with you that I've made it 2 weeks without (insert your goal)"

"Guess what, I've worked really hard and just hit the 28 day mark!"

Chase this fantasy until it becomes a reality. Use it as your motivation to get there. If you do she will SEE your commitment and might even jump on your bandwagon as your biggest fan!

and smile, You Can Do It!

 

Agreed that's why we are all here.