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Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by the phantom pain, Jun 29, 2018.
What is 12 step program?
I'm 30+ still never kissed any girl but now girl tried to attract me but I'm not interested with them because i have some other important goals and after achieving my goal i will move to making beautiful girlfriend.a lso i feel fearful of losing my progress and fall in new trap.i think if i make girlfriend then i will become emotionally traped and unstable.
Hey thanks for asking!
It’s a self help style fellowship of likeminded sex/PMO addicts, who do specific things to stay sober.
It originated in the 1930’s with Alcoholics Anonymous. All other 12 step programs are based on the AA litriture.
Here’s a link to the AA Big Book which is what I use to work the 12 steps. If you read this and change the word alcohol to PMO for example, it will likely speak to you, as it did me.
Sex addicts anonymous (SAA) is a 12 step fellowship for sex addicts (including porn addicts!). Here a link to their website as well.
US escort/ strip club is sht since prostitution is not legal. If you really wanna do it, go to europe. My friend just went and only spent between 50 - 100 euro only in red light district. Since they legalize em, he said they were very nice and treated him fairly. They are all very professional with cops patrolling there all time. The girls there are a lot better looking than US. Maybe because they have to walk around all days. He did it a total of 7 times and he said he got an ego boost after that. Only do it if you really want that kind of experience. It may work or not work for you. Some people got that experience and just move on with life.
My opinion is: don't do it. It is detrimental to you and to the prostitute (she is a human being too). I've been there trust me. Sex isn't supposed to be a product to be selled.
Based in your comments I can see you have a low self-steem and you don't believe that anyone would be interested in you. You are wrong my friend. Instead of pay to someone just because you feel you are too old to be a virgin, work with your toughts and start to love yourself more. There is plenty of people out there, you don't have to pay for sex.
I have paid for sex a few times and it was one of the worst choices I've made in my life. I don't agree with xXPharaohXx when he talks about sexual ideal. Prostitution is almost the same as porn (you are using and paying someone just to satisfy your needs) and if you are here in this website I suppose you have a problem with porn, and your brain is already fucked up by porn. Don't fuck it up more and instead work on your reboot. But, that's just my point of view.
Like others said, some people are okay with things like having sex with prostitutes or escorts, but something like that wouldn't sit well with me and I would also be incredibly uncomfortable in that type of situation. For the long run and your own confidence, I think it would be much better to try to work on a real relationship with someone, and even if that isn't something that's going to happen immediately it will definitely be more meaningful to you. I would definitely try to work on any PMO addiction first, though. I've had PIED since the beginning of my addiction, and my first time having sex was very difficult. I was lucky to have someone who was patient enough to try multiple times with me, but having a porn addiction and PIED I failed having sex more than 5 times until it was finally successful, and if it were with anyone else I would have been embarrassed for a really long time. For your own confidence, either with an escort or in a real relationship, you should definitely fix any addictions before making a decision
I would go one step further and say that sex is only meant for breeding purposes. The human brain has wired itself to confuse what is essentially breeding into an amusement park ride. Look at the animal kingdom, the physical act of breeding is done in seconds or less.
Some say that humans require physical intimacy, though I will go one step further again and say that need is actually a need to breed, men especially a programmed to breed and spread their DNA as far and wide as possible. This is where porn comes in, on a subconscious level the brain thinks you're mating with the women on screen or in the magazine. Seeing escorts is the same thing, though worse and I can tell you from my own experience.
Also I've never understood why people say they want to f*** like animals alluding to dirty rough sex, when in fact animals don't behave like that at all. It's a screwed up human recreation, what can I say our brains are too big for their own good.
Even if one has the financial resources to easily see many escorts I still wouldn't recommend it. It's a sure way to completely screw up their head.
Seeing an escort is a symptom of low self esteem like porn addiction
If you don’t feel attractive enough to be worthy of sex from someone who likes you and you have to pay them to do it with you, do you think that will boost your confidence? It will give you the pleasure of sex and you will associate that with paying for it. Then you won’t be able to get aroused unless you are paying for it, then you won’t be able to get aroused even if you are paying for it.
I know that this can happen because it happened to me. Since I stopped porn and escorts, I developed self respect and found someone who I love and who loves me. But because of the years of self abuse our sex life is not great and I totally regret the first time I paid for it because I have paid for it so many times and it only brings brief pleasure and a whole lot of pain.
No don't see an escort not only is it another form of porn which lowers yourself esteem and empties your wallet but it is also very dangerous. I tried it a couple times during my dark days of porn consumption and all it leaves you with is more shame, regret and fears of an STD. I did it out of desperation to get revenge on my wife for her cheating (long story, see other posts).
I got lucky but you never can be careful with STDs and escorts tend to see multiple guys a day. The last time I went (which is the final time) was with a very hot escort with high reviews... after an hour as I was leaving her apartment building I noticed another "john" knock on her door. I was kinda grossed out because she didn't have time to clean up or take a shower and starting thinking of the guy that went before me. In fact she was swapping out bed covers as I was getting dressed.
It also pushed me into a deeper depression and porn consumption. Money wasn't a issue but the it made me feel that I wasn't worthy to be a women without paying her.
This is even worse if you are a virgin, it is dangerous road and maybe even an arrest on your record.
I would try dating apps or a real relationship when you feel you are ready. If you have trouble talking to girls, it is really good practice even if the girl isn't that hot. You won't be as nervous if you are not super into her and it will be really good practice. Who knows you may either find a friend or even fall for her. Chances are she is cute but porn and media has warped your brain to specific shallow tastes.
NoFap will also boost your confidence naturally. On week three and I'm finding it easier to hold conversations with women.
It may be hard for some men to understand or accept though when finding a partner the focus shouldn't be on looks. Good looks doesn't mean a good soul and personality, it's deceiving. I actually don't bother with women who doll themselves up now, as they put far too much focus on their exterior, it's very vain.
I've actually been seeing a woman recently who wears no make up and dresses very respectfully and frankly it's refreshing. Furthermore, she's very genuine and completely different to the contemporary woman, she's an old soul in a new world. She came into my life at the right time, I didn't even need to search for her, it just happened. Another good thing is there is no focus on sexual intimacy, just good quality time together.
Also to the OP you're still only 21yo and it's the perfect age to change. Don't worry about not loosing your virginity and women. Focus on growing as a person and things will fall into place. My best friend got married at 32yo and didn't loose his virginity until then, his focus in life wasn't about bedding women.
I agree my now ex-wife was the first woman I kissed and lost virginity to at the age of 26. The one thing I liked most is that she wasn't too into her looks although she is very attractive. She wore modest clothes and rarely showed much skin even when going out.
However, as my PMO usage increased, the sex became more rare and PEID became an issue she started changing and become more and more into her looks. At first it may have been directed towards me but then as I stated in other posts it was for her affair.
I think focusing on self-improvement and abolishing PMO addiction will naturally make everything else fall into place. Since I've only ever dated one woman (ex-wife) and been with a few other women (escorts) ... I am nervous and have difficulty making conversation. I have a lot of doubts of being alone, no woman wanting me now that I'm old... but I know that I need to reboot before I give myself another chance at a relationship.
Once my 90 day reboot, I will try dating apps just because I feel it will be easier to hold a conversation chatting since I can take a minute. Hopefully with the nature of Tinder it won't be a trigger. Maybe something like bumble or a relationship app might be better than tinder which is a more of a hookup app.
First of all if you make this mistake you will regret it for the rest of your life. It wont be something you can turn the clock back and change. If you ask me I am strongly advising you not to.
Think about it she is a prostitute who has had many d**** in her. Which may have had all sorts of std’s and other illnesses. Of course they will talk nice and make you like them. They just after your 300 dollars or even more.
Trust me you will find the right person and going with someone who is experienced at shagging is not the answer. If your friend is encouraging you that this is the right thing he is not a trye friend. Only a friend of the devil, and thats not the friend you want. As your afterlife is forever, this life is just a dream which will one day end.
Very nice story really inspiriring
I'd say don't do it. I lost mine at 23 and it just happened one random night. If you lose your virginity to an escort then it won't feel like you actually lost it. At least that's my opinion. It will give you some experience, but I'd say don't do it. Just put yourself out there and it will happen, but you absolutely have to make an effort. The girl I lost my virginity to was all over me, but I still had to show her that I was interested. It's definitely nerve wracking, but just try to enjoy it and have fun.
I am 25 and I just posted a topic about it today.
Do not do it bro. I had sex with my ex-gf. I also experienced escorts. The difference between them are huge. Think about it, there is a girl who wants you who cares about you who loves you likes you and on the other hand there is this girl just caring about the money and waiting for the time to end.
Yes it gives you an entertainment and joy just for a moment because you ejaculate and M. But after the sex you can feel regret and emptiness.
I quitted today going to them. Never ever again.
20 Y/o male here, going to be 21 next month. I have this same question because I want to lose my V, but I also don't want to be in a long relationship with the girl for the fear of being hurt again. (I've had 2 past relationships that ended rather cold) I want to lose my V to a girl I can connect with, but then sleep with many women as well. Its a paradox but I suppose I'll be better suited to answer this question for myself along my 90 days process.
What if I've never felt loved, cared, or wanted by a girl before?