My 10 year+ PMO Addiction Story: I have been watching porn since I was 8 years old, ever since my cousin first showed me a video of it. At the time I didn't like what I saw, I thought it was disgusting. But since my dad was also addicted to porn and had a massive collection inside this bag he used to keep locked up, I found it, and instead of watching the dvds, I used to look at the pictures and I used to get a pillow and imitate the act of sex by humping the pillow (at this stage the videos didn't interest me...yet) Later at the age of around 10/11 I started watching the actual dvds on my ps2, at this stage it didn't shock me or anything, I enjoyed watching it, it gave me that rush of dopamine and it was so thrilling especially at that age. Even though I was only 10 I still tried to masturbate but obviously without ejaculating. At this stage I wouldn't say I was addicted, I didn't crave it, or had any intense urges, It was once in a while thing when I was home alone. By the age of 12 my family got internet access, this was 2008 times and this just made access to porn much easier especially since my dad separated from my mum (and he took the porn with him). That's when I discovered the ease of access to porn with just a few clicks, the millions of images and videos. At this stage I was starting to become addicted to porn, I would watch it whenever I had chance or felt an urge. The guilt of watching porn and the shame of it was starting to grow within me. I would say the age when I fully became an addict, hooked on porn, masturbating ejaculating to it was when I hit puberty at the age of 13. The previous years of being exposed to porn I obviously wasn't fapping/ejaculating to porn, but now at 13 fapping/ejaculating to porn was next level for me. I reached a point when I used to see a girls ass in school that turned me on and the thought would be with me throughout the whole day like an intrusive OCD thought and the only way I could release it was by watching porn and ejaculating. Back then I was shy and socially awkward and I was using Porn/masturbation as a form of escapism, escaping the verbal and physical abuse by my mother and father since childhood that was still in the back of my mind, escaping my problems both internally and externally, constantly masturbating and viewing porn out of desperation and pain. This eventually led to me getting depressed throughout my teenage years, I had extreme depression episodes that lasted up to couple months especially between 14 - 17. At the age of 15 my family finally decided to take me to a therapist, but I always used to cover up my PMO addiction to the therapists, they eventually made me take anti-depressants which made things even worse, I was feeling like my mind was numb, desensitised to everything around me, zombie like, suicidal thoughts... It was just like hell. Eventually after stopping the medication, things slowly got better and by 17 I felt somewhat ''normal'' again, my therapist gave me good advice on preventing depression, but the problem still remained that I was still addicted to Porn, Masturbation and Orgasm. I discovered Your Brain on Porn, researched it thoroughly, watched videos, read articles, testimonials, I found that a lot of the symptoms/withdrawals of a heavy porn addict was the exact symptoms I had during my depressive episodes, and how this has caused me/worsen my social anxiety and OCD symptoms. Fast forward to today, I have finally decided to open a NoFap account and share my experiences, My addiction journey has honestly been painful and deep and it has impacted my mental and emotional health severely. I feel like my frontal lobe part of the brain that deals with decision making, thought process, personality, emotions, social behaviour.. has been extremely weakened this explains the feelings of numbness, depression, social awkwardness, indecisiveness and so on... especially during withdrawal/flatline period. I am just thoroughly sick and tired of what my 10 years of constant porn and masturbation addiction has done to me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I just want to change, I want to be a better me, face my fears and JUST stop covering up all my problems with this addiction. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!! If you can relate to any of this please share your story and what has helped you. Much love to the NoFap community, wish me luck on my journey!!!