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Should I consciously avoid looking at girls?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Reborn16, Oct 17, 2018.

  1. Oct 17, 2018 #1
    Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I've relapsed after a 50 day streak. Made lots of changes to date, changed habits etc., but I still have not got the formula right for this I believe...

    One thing I am trying now is exposure response prevention (ERP) Which consists of:

    3 minutes - close eyes and imagine porn
    3 minutes - close eyes, breathe slowly and imagine nothing
    3 minutes - open eyes, concentrate on what you want to achieve, are working towards

    The above technique is designed to re-train the brain to NOT follow an urge of porn with the action of viewing porn itself.

    This is from your brain on porn, see link for more.
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/too...osure-response-prevention-therapy-extinction/

    Now my question. In trying this experiment, it says to not watch any porn (of course), but also to not get a buzz from looking at real girls.

    I spend a lot of time at a college, there are hundreds of girls my age or younger. Should I be proactive in avoiding them?!

    Eye contact and avoiding staring at their bodies seems fine, but maybe even that is too much? Is it reasonable to starve this source of attraction and try to pretend they don't exist?

    Thanks for reading, very keen to hear anyone's thoughts on this!
     
    Reborn16, Oct 17, 2018
    Reborn16, Oct 17, 2018
    #1
  2. Oct 19, 2018 #2
    fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Are you interested in sex and/or relationships with these girls? Try going and saying hello. Don't be a perv and then fantasize about what might have been. If you aren't ready for this, then it is probably best to avoid looking at girls too much.

    Thank you for the ERP suggestion, this is really good.
     
    fredisthebes, Oct 19, 2018
    fredisthebes, Oct 19, 2018
    #2
    Reborn16 likes this.
  3. Oct 19, 2018 #3
    Iceberg

    Iceberg Fapstronaut

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    I think it depends. But I guess yeah be cautious. If a girl is dressed to jaw drop then it may be wise to not look since you will get urges. But if you are doing a joint project with a girl who is dressed in a way that wont cause urges then yeah just look her in the eye and create/produce/display a great project.

    But as a rule of thumb, I would be cautious. Not creepy or anything but just weary, cautious and focussed at all times.

    Stay Strong,
    Iceberg
     
    Iceberg, Oct 19, 2018
    Iceberg, Oct 19, 2018
    #3
    Reborn16 likes this.
  4. Oct 19, 2018 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Roughly half the population can't be avoided and they won't disappear. Constantly looking away would be hard to do without looking very odd and running into things.
    Focus your eyes higher....a little more, there, look them in the eyes, don't stare. Look as you would if it was guy, in the eyes, and say a polite hello if needed, and don't stare.
    Part of our issues is being a bit socially out of it, doing things this way can help us re-engage the world.
    You will get stronger and more confident and more able to handle things in time.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 19, 2018
    Deleted Account, Oct 19, 2018
    #4
    Reborn16 likes this.
  5. Oct 19, 2018 #5
    countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    If you are looking at them with the intention to lust, then you are not only morally wrong but from a pragmatic perspective as well. Don't look at porn, don't imagine porn, don't try to get a buzz from looking at real women. You get to choose if you're going to turn that part of yourself on. If you decide to turn it on then it will cause you no small problem. How is letting yourself respond this way to women around you going to help?
     
    countitjoy5, Oct 19, 2018
    countitjoy5, Oct 19, 2018
    #5
    Reborn16 likes this.
  6. Oct 19, 2018 #6
    Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I'm interested relationships, but I usually wait until I have a month streak before trying to get dates. Problem with this is there's nothing to keep my interest in the mean time, so I might just try starting conversations and seeing what happens on any day now.

    I put off ERP the last few days but I also avoided looking at most girls. Not really sure how it effected me, but I think I'd been looking at girls a bit too much before. Not staring, but just looking at almost every girl lol.
     
    Reborn16, Oct 19, 2018
    Reborn16, Oct 19, 2018
    #6
  7. Oct 19, 2018 #7
    Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I spend time at a library and on campus so there's a kind of never ending spectacle of attractive girls... That's not to say I stare at them to get a buzz, but it feels like simply looking to acknowledge them is overwhelming. This is maybe just a good example of how PMO effects the brain lol?

    Only time I stare is when they wear provocative stuff, but I try to manage this.
     
    Reborn16, Oct 19, 2018
    Reborn16, Oct 19, 2018
    #7
  8. Oct 19, 2018 #8
    Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    You're right, I think my social norms take a while to 'reset', on my last streak I made random polite conversation and it didn't feel forced or anything. I do believe PMO takes away our natural social skills!

    And yes I did have to look at a few people to avoid bumping into them lol. Maybe I'm over thinking it.
     
    Reborn16, Oct 19, 2018
    Reborn16, Oct 19, 2018
    #8
  9. Oct 19, 2018 #9
    Khufu

    Khufu Fapstronaut

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    i myself try not to look at girls, i well give in a glance. but all in all i try not too, but you should try dating girls of you have time,
     
    Khufu, Oct 19, 2018
    Khufu, Oct 19, 2018
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