sex frequency question

He is 1year plus PM free.
I also don't M. Or P. As part of our Boundaries List.

We have sex 1-2x a day....except on Wednesday (Cuddle Night - to reset the brain in its nice oxytocin love receptors)
And sometimes we do go periodically without sex, a death in the family, for instance, can put us in a stretch without or a trip he has to take for work.
This can last up to 8 days? (about)
I think is the longest, just plain old without, but on average its 4-5 on long streaks.
Which if you are having sex as much as us, that's a eternity! Lol!
I fear mostly triggers, because we skip sex on Trigger days too.
But that's not often anymore. (months)
We have plans and lists for everything.
And he used to get the Chaser really bad, but that hasn't been in a long time either.
He was really worried in the beginning because all PAs hear that they are "hypersexual" and they aren't. (none are)
They overwrite their normal sex drive with porn
So when you're normal sex drive returns, you don't know what it will look like, or how much you will really want or last or what.
I have a higher drive and he was worried.
He's ok
Not as high as me.
But he's not low. Or average.
He's not worried anymore.
And he definitely gets enough that out in the world I don't think he worries.
I think I worry more.

 

aye yi yi! this has to be like 1 percentile of the population! do you have any idea how many guys here can't even imagine that frequency, Jolie? kudos that you two have worked out such a mutually satisfactory system.

national average is around 55x/yr - so just over once a week. My personal opinion is that the bulk of the population is to some extent jacked up, so the 1/week average is more of a sad comment than a guide to what is normal, or better put: healthy.

as to the original question of low frequency -> risk of relapse. No question that many men wave the frequency flag as an excuse for their PMO. My completely subjective opinion (in regards to the husband/male) is that the real issue is one of feeling "desired." (admittedly I could be 100% just projecting here) I think men are more tempted to find a woman that appears to want them when they don't feel their SO wants them, than they are to seek out sex when they haven't had any sex in the recent past.

All that to say: For the guy, whatever frequency convinces the guy that his SO really desires him is the right frequency.

 

What?

We have 5 kids.... How do you suppose we got all of them?
It wasn't by waving at each other from across the room going 'yoohoo!!' Bahahahahahahahahahaha!
You guys crack me up!

 

scary idea!

haha

 

How do you find time for all that sex with 5 kids? We have only 1 young child and have sex about once a month and sometimes go a few months without. I'm trying to "reboot" without PMO for 90 days and am concerned if she wants to do it sometime in that timeframe, how do I avoid it? Don't want to tell her I watch porn and am trying to quit as a reason.

 

We make time.
You have to!
Sex is a amazing part of life!
We have great kids tho.
They also aren't babies anymore.
Our oldest is 14 and the youngest is 7.
We get up early because he works and sometimes that means he doesn't snooze the alarm and wakes me up or I wake him up.
We run off when the kids are eating lunch on the weekends and are quiet and lock ourselves in the room.
You just make time.
If it's important to you, you make the time.
I honestly don't know how you would avoid it.
Porn was once apart of our relationship.
The part I had a problem with was the lying.
So he stopped. He had a problem.
I stopped too.
It's been 2 years now for me and over a year for him.

 

Good for both of you quitting P and maintaining a sex life with kids. For us I'm not sure it's that important to either of us or that either feels much attraction for the other anymore. I'm focused for right now on quitting P and M so that maybe later we can rebuild that attraction.

 

Hope so.
I hear a lot of guys around here say that the attraction "comes back" after a period of absence from porn.
Good luck to you!

 

Is he still taking the pills?
Because that isn't libido.
Those things stay in your system.


And that's also, abuse.

I should know.
My first husband did the same.

And no, they aren't hypersexual.
Not in the way "they think or will try to convince you they are."

 

Agreed. No one should use pressure, anger, or manipulation to convince their partner to have sex. It's abusive and also deprecatory to the relationship and trust.

 

Sounds like you just won't know in my opinion... Also, Idk if you ever read the little paper from the pharmacy, but depending on the one you take... Side effects include anger/rage and blackouts

 

Very sorry you're having that terrible experience. His actions are only his fault so Stay strong and do what's best for you!

 

Not sure there is any one frequency level for "most men", judging by some of the other posts it could range from several times a day to once every few months. "Most men" probably fall somewhere in between... 1-3 times per week if I had to guess?

 

I honestly can't imagine ever saying "no - not today dear." It's so far from my experience, that it's just a mind experiment for me to contemplate. But if healthy, engaged, fun and loving sex were available any day, why would I ever not?